December 21, 2009
RAW: Santas, DX dominate holiday show
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
Monday Night RAW kicks off this Christmas week with a present I want to take back. Johnny Damon from the World Champion New York Yankees hosts tonight’s show from Tampa, Florida. (Why do I want to return it? Because, a Yankees team full of cheaters -- A-Rod, Andy Petitte -- and mercenaries -- CC Sabathia, Mark Teixeira -- beat my Phillies earlier this year in the World Series, not that I’m bitter or anything.) It will also be interesting to see if Damon is wearing any Yankees gear, since he is currently a free agent, and the Yankees have already filled his position.
Damon receives a chorus of boos in the hometown of division rivals Rays, but still wishes everyone a Merry Christmas. Damon references his free agency and not knowing where is he going to be next year. A RAW superstar is going to get one wish granted tonight. Out of nowhere a guy in a tiger suit is chased into the ring by a blonde wielding a golf club. (REALLY? Just when I thought WWE couldn’t sink any lower for ideas, they pull a stunt like this. What makes it worse was the fact it was totally unnecessary.)
Match #1 – Gail Kim, Kelly Kelly, and Melina vs. Jillian Hall, Alicia Fox, and Maryse – Santa’s Little Helpers Match
(Well, this is the requisite Diva in holiday costume match. At least we got it out of the way early.)
Melina assists Kelly Kelly on getting down to the mat with a cross body. Kelly gets the pin over Maryse to secure the win.
Winner via pinfall: Gail Kim, Kelly Kelly, and Melina
Hornswoggle finally got his day in court, Little People’s Court, with DX. It took place earlier today. Hunter and Shawn walk out to an empty ring, Shawn fiqures they need to go under the ring, since that is where Hornswoggle lives. It’s pitch black, so HBK breaks out the DX light sticks. Hunter finds the lights, and they have been transported to a hallway, and the find the Little People’s Court. Shawn wants to get this over with, and I agree. Hunter can’t stop cracking jokes. Hornswoggle makes his case of emotional distress and shows a video montage of DX torturing him over the past weeks. Hunter and Shawn have no answer and the court goes to recess. (You know how sometimes storylines just go away, unresolved and people forget about them. Why couldn't this one go down that path?)
Match #2 – Legacy (Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, and Randy Orton) vs. Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry, and Evan Bourne
Orton wants nothing to do with Henry, and tags in Rhodes, before slipping out of the ring. Cody is confused, so Henry brings him in the hard way. Henry hits a gorilla press, and then tags in Kingston. Kofi whips Rhodes into the corner, but crashes and burns into the turnbuckle, when Rhodes dodges a flying attack. Orton gets a tag, and we go to commercial.
After the break, Rhodes is back in the ring, and is hit with a back body drop. Bourne tags in, and takes out Orton and DiBiase on the apron. He counters Cross Rhodes, and climbs the turnbuckle and connects with Air Bourne. DiBiase runs in to break the pin. DiBiase tags in, hitting a delayed vertical suplex. Bourne shoots off the ropes, avoids a hit, but turns right into a clothesline. Bourne floats over DiBiase, shoving him into the turnbuckle and then kicks him in the face. Both men hit the mat. Orton gets the tag, but so does Kingston. Kofi goes into his controlled frenzy, and follows with the Boom Drop. Rhodes saves the match by breaking the pin. Henry knocks him from the ring. DiBiase gets the tag, but Kofi knocks Orton from the ring. Kingston hits Trouble in Paradise and covers Ted for the win.
Winner via pinfall: Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry, and Evan Bourne
Johnny Damon is hanging out with Eve, the Bella Twins, and Santa. Eve goes for more eggnog, when Carlito steps up. He notices they are under the mistletoe. Eve isn’t too hot with the idea, and Chris Masters steps in. The two get in a shoving match, when Santa breaks it up. Santa says they should settle this in the ring. It is Sgt. Slaughter under the beard, so Damon books the match for him.
And we are back in Little People’s Court. Hunter is digging the hole deeper, when Shawn steps in. He doesn’t do much better. Hornswoggle presents more video evidence. This time it’s him getting Pedigreed in the ring, and carried off on a DX stretcher. The judge rules guilty. (Um, this was a civil suit, so guilty doesn’t really apply. I guess creative doesn’t do any research, or at least watch Matlock.) Hunter and Shawn are chased out of the court room, and make their way out from under the ring. Shawn is almost pulled back under the ring, but Hunter saves him. The two then run off. (And yes, that whole bit just happened!)
Match #3 – John Cena vs. Jack Swagger
Jack Swagger is the second victim on the John Cena burial tour. Last week he beat CM Punk in record time, so I have a feeling the same will happen here. Swagger beats Cena into the corner, and smashes his face into the turnbuckle. Cena counters and Irish whip and hits Swagger with a bulldog as he bounces off the turnbuckle.
After the break, Swagger catches Cena with a power slam, and then taunts him by doing pushups in the ring. Cena dodges Swagger in the corner, but is caught again by Swagger with a side slam. The All-American American locks in a double underhook hold. Cena powers out, ducks a clothesline, and slams Swagger to the mat. Cena catches a boot in the corner, and Swagger hits him with a leg drop. Swagger hits the splash out of the corner, but Cena kicks out. Cena then counters a gut wrench suplex with a back body drop. Cena hits a shoulder block and then a side slam. He follows with the five knuckle shuffle. Swagger counters the Attitude Adjustment with a take down, and he follows with a body slam. Cena breaks out of a superplex attempt, and pushes Swagger to the mat. Cena takes to the air, but Swagger rolls away from the leg drop. Swagger goes for the splash again, but Cena rolls away, and immediately locks on the STF. Swagger taps.
Winner via submission: John Cena
Damon is backstage with the American Dream Santa. MVP drops in and says he wants to make 2010 the year of MVP. All he wants is the opportunity to earn a title shot. He wants a non-title match with Sheamus. Dusty says he’ll talk to the man who can make it happen. Damon tells him it is on.
Match #4 – Carlito vs. Chris Masters w/ Eve
Masters blocks a punch, and tries to lock in the Masterlock. Carlito grabs the ropes, and slips out of the ring. Carlito locks in a sleeper, but Masters breaks it by slamming him back into the turnbuckle. Masters announces the Masterlock, but Carlito counters with a chin breaker. Carlito looks for the backstabber, but Masters blocks it. Carlito springboards off the ropes, but Masters catches him and slaps on the Masterlock. Carlito passes out, and Masters gets the win.
Winner via submission: Chris Masters
After the match, Eve enters the ring to congratulate Chris, and she has some mistletoe. Eve plants on kiss on him and the two walk to the back.
“Tiger” is with the Bella twins, while The Miz is talking with another Santa. The Miz has a huge list, to make up for something he didn’t get as a kid. This Santa is IRS, and he says Miz owes back taxes. The blonde runs in again, and chases “Tiger” out. Damon walks in saying he paid his taxes, but IRS says baseball players are the biggest cheats of all. Unfortunately for Damon, Mae Young catches him under the mistletoe. She takes him to the floor with a kiss.
Match #5 – Sheamus vs. MVP
Sheamus strikes with a forearm, and then drives MVP into the corner. Sheamus misses a charge, and MVP connects with a knee to the face. MVP goes for the Ballin’ Elbow, but Sheamus gets up and kicks MVP in the face. Sheamus drives MVP into the mat with the Celtic Cross and covers for the win.
Winner via pinfall: Sheamus
After the bell, Cena runs to the ring with a microphone in hand. Cena says he is owed a rematch, and he wants it now. Sheamus walks out of the ring. Cena almost goads him into coming back, but Sheamus just walks to the back.
Vince drops in on his guest host and wants to know if he will do anything about Cena and Sheamus. Damon makes a match for next week, and then asks Vince about Bret Hart. Vince avoids the question and leaves.
Match #6 – The Miz vs. Santino Claus
Santino hands out some gifts to the crowd before serenading us with Santino Claus is Coming to Town. Miz takes down Santino at the bell, and stomps away at him. Miz connects with a neck breaker and then beats Santino into the corner. Santino dodges a move in the corner, and then connects with a hip toss off the ropes. Santino misses a head butt from the second rope. Miz hits the Skull Crusher and collects the win.
Winner via pinfall: The Miz
After the match, The Miz stomps on the toys in Santa’s sack.
Josh Matthews gets a word with Big Show, who is sick of these impostor Santas. Show is going to the ring to call out the real Santa. Show wants his wish granted or he is going to knock out the Jolly Old Elf.
Show makes his way to the ring, and calls out Santa. A Santa walks out, flanked by the Bella Elves. Santa isn’t sure about Show sitting on his lap, so he sits on Show’s. Santa asks Big Show if he has been a good boy. Show says yes, and what he really wants is his best friend and tag team partner Chris Jericho back on RAW. Santa grants Show’s wish and I think it is Jericho under that beard. Hornswoggle hits the ring, and rips the beard and glasses off of Santa, and it is Chris Jericho. A DX army of little people storm the ring, and surround Jericho. Show and Jericho clear the ring, but one guy is hanging on to Jericho for dear life. Show picks up the little guy, and slams him to the mat. Show disposes of the little guy, as Jericho brings Hornswoggle into the ring. Horny slams down his DX hat, and starts to warm up the band. He superkicks Jericho in the shin. Show picks up Horny, but DX runs in the make the save. Jericho is tossed over the ropes, and Big Show hits a suplex. Hornswoggle joins DX in the ring, and Shawn and Hunter don’t know what to do. Hunter wants to squash the little guy. HBK says we can’t do this at Christmas, but Hunter says that is what he really wants. Shawn says the little guy is starting to grow on him, while Hunter says he doesn’t hate him as much. HBK wants to keep him, almost like a pet. Hunter says they have a height requirement in DX. Hunter tells Horny if he drops the court case, he can be the official DX mascot. The little guy seems down with that. All three do the crotch chop in the middle of the ring, as “snow” starts to fall in the arena. Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas everybody.
Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003.