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Impact: Foley locates Jarrett; Nash has the book
By BLAINE VAN DER GRIEND - SLAM! Wrestling


On an episode that features the returns of both Samoa Joe and Jeff Jarrett, the focus is still on Hogan and all of his media appearances this past week, including the major announcement from Saturday's Ultimate Finale. And Kevin Nash is large and in charge!

Although Hulk Hogan hasn’t officially made an appearance on camera yet, the opening video packages of the last several weeks would indicate otherwise. This one recapped Hogan’s numerous media appearances this week, including the blockbuster announcement he made on the Ultimate Finale that TNA is going head to head with the WWE on January 4th (those were his exact words). They also reminded us in the package that Mick Foley would be heading to Nashville to locate Jeff Jarrett, which seemed more or less like a footnote, compared to the Hogan stuff.

Foley and JB are en route to Foley’s office and Foley tells Borash on the way that he came back with video footage of Jeff Jarrett that the wrestling world might be interested in (I doubt it). Kevin Nash is in Foley’s chair as they walk in the office (Foley better get used to that) and Nash tells Foley that he’s talked it over with Hogan and Hogan’s agreed to meet with him, which gets Foley’s hopes up. Nash then tells Foley that he’s got him a plane to LA (presumably where Hogan is) that leaves in a few hours and expects Foley to be on it. Foley takes JB with him and leaves Nash in control (this is not good). Nash immediately gets on the phone with one of the head security guys and tells them to install a security camera in Foley’s office.

After the TNA opening video and theme song, Nash comes out with Eric Young and has apparently prepared some notes as to what’s going on tonight. He says he gets to make the matches (somebody’s about to party like it’s 1999 and for a minute, I thought it was). Nash reveals the matches that he has in store. He says it will be all three members of The British Invasion against the Motor City Machine GUN, Chris Sabin. Scott Steiner will choose any knockout he wants to team with him against Bobby and Krystal Lashley in a mix tag match. For the first time in a long time, Eric Young will put his Global Championship on the line against Hamada (that’s right, Hamada). Tara and ODB will square off in what Nash calls a trailer park showdown, where each knockout must guzzle a six pack of beer before the match. Team 3D, Rhino and Jesse Neal will take on their Final Resolution opponents Matt Morgan, Hernandez, Pope Dinero and Suicide, where the loser of the fall must compete alone in the first five minutes of the pay per view elimination match. Just for his enjoyment, Nash says it will be Lacey Von Erich vs. Velvet Sky in a mud wrestling match. And as the icing on the cake, he says that since Mick Foley hasn’t reimbursed him for the money he lost during his suspension, Nash is going to make it up to himself by declaring that the highest bidder gets AJ Styles tonight for the TNA Heavyweight title.

I believe this is from the tape that Foley left with the production crew, but it reveals Foley wandering through TNA’s corporate offices, in search of Dixie Carter. He eventually finds Vince Russo and another head writer and tells them that since they write such great material (what show has he been watching?) that maybe they should write up a segment where Dixie actually returns his phone calls. One of the other writers brings Foley aside and warns him that he could get fired over this. Foley says he’s unfireable and asks the guy where Jeff Jarrett is. The guy says he and Jeff haven’t spoken in months, but mentions that one of Jeff’s favourite places in Nashville is the meat and greet, which I guess is some kind of restaurant. Foley thanks him for the tip and he’s on his way.

Match #1: The British Invasion vs. Chris Sabin

Williams tries a sunset flip in the early going, but Sabin rolls through and attacks with a soccer kick, which grazed the side of Williams’ face. Sabin then began to build some momentum and sent two-thirds of the Brits to the outside. He attempted some kind of high risk move, but was cut off by Big Rob with an even bigger shoulderblock. The tag champs then delivered a double bowtie neckbreaker. Sabin fights back and stacks all three Brits in the corner and tries an attack, but two of them move and he only catches Big Rob with the flat of his boot. Magnus and Williams attempt a double clothesline, but miss, and end up hitting Big Rob instead. Sabin then delivers a springboard double dropkick to take them out and delivers what started off as a tornado DDT, but ended up as an inside cradle on Big Rob for the huge upset win.

Winner: Chris Sabin by pinfall

After the match, Magnus and Williams read Rob the riot act as Rob is fuming.

Christy Hemme, who is apparently replacing JB for the night, interviews Scott Steiner. She questions why he’s still wearing Mafia attire, when Kevin Nash eluded that the Mafia is no more. Steiner then reminds Christy Hemme that when she eludes, she makes an ass out of herself and him (I don’t think elude is the word he was looking for). He says the Mafia will still exist as long as he’s here and as long as Kevin Nash is here. He then says as far as tonight goes, he’s been given the chance to choose a freak and he’s going to get his freak to be out there with him. He then reveals the Krystal Lashley t-shirt under his jumpsuit, saying that’s not the first time Krystal’s been on his chest (Steiner is awesome!). He then says he’ll kick Miles’ ass if he gets in his way too. Christy asks if he’s referring to the two-year-old son of Lashley and Steiner says he’s one and a half, but he doesn’t discriminate against age.

Meanwhile, Foley has finally made it to the meat and greet, but Jarrett is nowhere to be found. He walks up to an elderly woman, asking if she knows who Jeff Jarrett is and she says he comes here all the time (but apparently not today). She says with the holiday season, he rarely comes in though. Foley asks her to let him know when she sees him next.

Match #2: Bobby and Krystal Lashley vs. Scott Steiner and Awesome Kong

Lashley fires away with power moves to get things rolling and then delivers a slam, forcing Steiner to retreat to the outside. Back in the ring, Lashley delivers a stomach breaker, followed by a snap suplex for two. Kong then trips Lashley as he runs the ropes. Steiner tags in Kong and holds up Lashley. She runs to deliver a clothesline, but accidentally connects with Steiner and the two start jaw jacking, until Lashley attacks Steiner and delivers a t-bone suplex, shades of Taz as Tenay mentioned. Steiner lures Lashley to the outside and sends him into the ring steps. He then intimidates Krystal into the ring, and into the waiting arms of Kong, who delivers a slam and then attempts a moonsault, but Steiner steals the glory with a parallel pin on Krystal, who I don’t even think was legal and then he proceeds to do a series of push-ups on Krystal’s body, until Lashley chases him off.

Winners: Scott Steiner and Awesome Kong by pinfall

Lauren interviews a returning Samoa Joe, who’s been hibernating for the last few weeks. Joe declares himself as the first entrant in the feast or fired match at Final Resolution (wow is that a huge step backwards). He says since Turning Point, he’s been forced to step aside, while that flavour of the month Daniels gets to steal his thunder. Then, he gets upset at the fact that the company held a contender’s tournament full of guys that were “randomly selected” and it seems like someone in this company has tried to keep him as far away from the title as possible (I think we all know who that is, brother!). Joe says this match is just his insurance policy to get his title shot, come hell or high water. The interview then gets interrupted by Beer Money who say that yes Joe might get a title shot, but he might also get another briefcase that leaves him sipping coconut juice on some Samoan island. Joe takes offence, but Roode calms him down, by saying that the two of them know all about what it feels like to get screwed out of a title opportunity. He says they’ve been fighting to get another tag title shot and this could be their last chance. Joe then leaves and Storm and Roode argue about the possibility of one of them being fired. Roode says it’s worth the risk, but Storm doesn’t seem to be on the same page and they tease what looks to be the break up of Beer Money.

The Beautiful People are preparing for their match backstage, as they argue that they might be humiliated tonight, having to participate in this degrading mud wrestling match. Nash steps in and reminds them that it isn’t about them being humiliated, it’s about ratings (well then perhaps he should have let people know of this match last week, so they didn’t have to tune in this week). Nash says the three of them can help earn him a ton of money and a bit of it for themselves as well. Nash then appoints the third TBP member Madison Rayne as the guest referee and gives her a skimpy referee’s shirt to wear. Lacey ends the segment with a lame line that they’re going to be rated like a five-star hotel, only they’d be six stars, because they’re so hot.

Up next is a recap of Hogan’s interview during the Ultimate Finale with Joe Rogan, where he made the announcement that TNA is going live on January 4th against the WWE.

Lauren tries to interview Tara, who’s in the process of downing a six pack. She questions why Nash thinks this is funny. She says she’s a world class athlete and it really doesn’t matter, because she’d drink 3 six packs just to get her hands on ODB.

After the commercial, Lauren interviews Eric Young, who says he’s bent the rules a little bit by defending his title on American soil, but he wouldn’t have done it for anyone other than his brother Kevin Nash. Young says at least he doesn’t have to soil his hands by wrestling an American wrestler. He says he sees great things in Hamada and she better be ready to pull out all stops, because this is her one and only shot.

Match #4: Eric Young vs. Hamada for the Global Championship

Young taunts Hamada a little in the early going, but gets caught with a spin kick that knocks him to the outside. Back in the ring, Young gains the advantage momentarily, but eats another spin kick as he ascends the turnbuckle. Hamada then delivers a dragonsteiner, shades of the Ultimo Dragon, but misses a moonsault, allowing Young to steal the win, with his feet on the ropes.

Winner: Eric Young by pinfall

TBP are talking backstage about how they can help boost the ratings. Madison suggests that maybe there should be a wardrobe malfunction. Lacey says they could just go out there and wrestle (what a concept!). And then Velvet chimes in that maybe they should kiss on camera for the first time.

Back to the Foley video where Mick has now pulled over at this truck stop to ask for directions. The lady he speaks to gives him appropriate directions, but he hears a voice who calls out to him and finds Jeff Jarrett sitting at the bar.

Lauren tries to interview ODB, who says Tara might be out of her element tonight, but for her, this is just like any other night.

Match #5: Tara vs. ODB in a trailer park showdown

There is all kinds of plunder in this match. At least ODB wasn’t wearing a skirt for once. She passes Tara the vomit bucket and it looks like Tara’s about to make a deposit, but instead she belts ODB upside the head with the bucket and then continues the attack with a broomstick. ODB then spews some liquid courage in the eyes of Tara and then wraps her in caution tape and uses a toilet plunger to inflict more damage (now I’ve seen everything). In the ring, ODB catapults Tara into a ladder and then uses a step ladder to launch herself off with a splash. Tara fights back with trashcan lids and places one on ODB’s chest and delivers a standing moonsault. Tara starts climbing the ropes, but the hooch finally kicks in as she stumbles to the floor, allowing ODB to deliver a faceplant into the chair for the win.

Winner: ODB by pinfall

Back to the video, Foley is trying to reason with Jarrett to come back. Jarrett’s saying that Dixie’s put his life through hell. He says while Double J may not be able to walk away from wrestling, Jeff Jarrett sure as hell can.

Match #6: Team 3D, Rhino and Jesse Neal vs. Suicide, Matt Morgan and Hernandez

Brother Ray grabs the microphone before the match begins and says in case nobody’s heard, this is now a handicap match, because the Pope isn’t going to make it. Suicide tries an armdrag on Brother Ray which was blocked (never seen anyone block an armdrag before). He gets the armdrag he was looking for later and follows it up with a dropkick. Brother Ray retaliates with a big boot. Tags are made on both sides and Hernandez meets Jesse Neal coming in with a slingshot shoulderblock, followed by a back body drop. He dives over the top onto D-Von and Rhino with a tope and then delivers a dominator on Neal for two. Brother Ray delivers the Bubba bomb on Hernandez, but walks right into the carbon footprint from Morgan, who gets victimized by the belly-to-belly suplex from Rhino, who gets caught with a springboard dropkick from Suicide. D-Von gets border tosses by Hernandez, who gets speared almost instantly by Jesse Neal for the win.

Winners: Team 3D, Rhino and Jesse Neal by pinfall

After the match, a post match beatdown commences, until Pope Dinero hobbles out, with his leg bandaged up, as he swings a cane to clear the ring.

Match #7: Velvet Sky vs. Lacey Von Erich in a mud wrestling match with Madison Rayne as the guest referee

TBP do their regular entrance, but come out together and then Madison points towards the tub filled with mud, as Taz and Tenay look on, dressed in raincoats, and holding umbrellas (a little over the top). It’s basically what you’d expect. They roll around for a bit, while Madison has a good laugh at their expense, she gets dumped in the mud too and Velvet rolls up Lacey for the win.

Lauren interviews Black Machismo Jay Lethal, who says the Black Machismo invitational returns next week, despite losing to Jim Neidhart a couple weeks ago. In fact, Lauren even brings that up, to which Lethal responds that he can’t prepare for an opponent if he doesn’t know who he’s wrestling.

Kevin Nash comes out to reveal to Dave Penzer who AJ Styles’ opponent will be tonight (let’s hope Penzer can keep a secret).

Back to the video from Nashville, Foley is constantly trying to pressure Jarrett to make his return, but Jarrett’s sticking to his guns. Foley says the old Jarrett would have fought for what believes in. He tells him to consider his two little girls and Jarrett reminds Foley that it’s three girls.

Match #8: AJ Styles vs. Desmond Wolfe for the TNA Heavyweight title

I missed the majority of this match, so please bear with me. The story here is Wolfe trying to work AJ’s arm after nearly separating said arm from AJ’s shoulder with a snapping arm ringer. Styles fights back as he loads Wolfe up in fireman’s carry position and drives him down with a neckbreaker, followed by the springboard flying forearm. Wolfe hits what was apparently an unintended low blow, which also went undetected by the referee and then sets up for the devastating clothesline, until Daniels comes out to distract Wolfe, allowing AJ to roll him up with a bridging pin, shades of Bob Backlund for the win.

Winner: AJ Styles by pinfall

Wolfe gets in Daniels’ face after the match about getting involved and the two of them go at it briefly, before being separated by referees.

Back to the video, Foley continues chipping away at Jarrett, saying that Dixie says that TNA wouldn’t be the same without him. Jarrett is then convinced and asks Foley how they should go about this. Foley tells him to come to Impact next week and Jarrett says he’s got a deal.

Final thoughts:

I missed the majority of the last match, which could have made up some of the difference for me in this show. Overall though, I thought it was a terrible show. Nash was booking. Need I say more? Everything from top to bottom was terrible, but then I didn’t see most of the main event. However, given what I did see, this show gets a 2 out of 10 at best.