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RAW: Big talk and big action in Big D
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling


WWE makes one final push to the pay-per-view Tables, Ladders and Chairs from Dallas, Texas. Guest hosting tonight is the owner of the Dallas Mavericks, Mark Cuban. I’m guessing Cowboys owner Jerry Jones wasn’t asked to host, since every December when his team tries to make a push, they flame out.

Cuban kicks off the show in the ring, looking for his Maverick fans. He tells them that if they think he gets crazy during NBA games, they haven’t seen anything yet. Cuban informs us that Sheamus will be facing WWE champ John Cena tonight, in a no holds barred ... debate? That’s what it sounds like.

Cena hits the arena, and the crowd goes nuts. Cuban takes a seat in the front row, between the Bella twins of course, and some of the Dallas Mavericks.

Match #1 – John Cena vs. Carlito

Carlito takes the fight to Cena, beating him into the corner, and then kicking him in the face. Carlito follows with a knee to the face, but finds himself in the Attitude Adjustment. Carlito slips out, and kicks Cena. The champ recovers, slamming Carlito to mat. Sheamus makes his way on stage, and Cuban meets him on the ramp. Security runs out to protect the NBA owner, and Sheamus backs off. Carlito takes advantage of the distraction attacking Cena from behind. Carlito looks for the backstabber, but Cena counters into the Attitude Adjustment. Cena covers and gets the win.

Winner via pinfall: John Cena

After the match, Cena swings by the Mavericks to shake hands.

Next week RAW is three hours as Dennis Miller hosts the Slammy Awards. Didn’t we just have a three hour RAW. (I’m going to start demanding overtime pay if this keeps up.)

Randy Orton comes to the ring with his cronies to run his mouth. He guarantees the night will end in chaos. He then tells Cuban he will lift the ban of Orton getting a title shot against Cena, and Orton will be the next man in line for the WWE title. Ted Dibiase shows footage of Randy Orton RKO-ing Cuban at the 2003 Survivor Series. Cuban says he won’t fight the winner of the WWE championship match and that he got lucky against Kofi Kingston, because WWE refs are worse than NBA refs. So tonight, Orton will take on Kingston with Cuban as the special referee. Rhodes jumps in and says Orton will hurt him, and he is just like his team, all talk. Rhodes wants Cuban to accept his challenge and get in the ring with him, and if Cody wins the ban is lifted. Cuban says we can talk about this in June, after Dallas wins the NBA title. Cuban tells Legacy they have a match.

Match #2 – Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase vs. Evan Bourne and Primo

The match is joined in progress after a commercial (which absolutely drives me nuts). Primo is flapjacked by Legacy, and Cody becomes the legal man. Ted makes a tag and kicks Primo in the jaw. Primo fights back with a back drop, but Cody gets the tag and runs to knock Bourne off the apron. Bourne gets the hot tag, connecting with a head scissors. DiBiase cuts Bourne off on the turnbuckle, but Bourne fights him off and connects with two knees into a pin. Cody breaks the pin, but is pulled from the ring by Primo. DiBiase ducks a kick, and is able to hit Dream Street for the win.

Winner via pinfall: Legacy

After the match, Mark Cuban has Ted and Cody ejected from the building. Security escorts them from the premises.

Kelly Kelly is in the ring to announce the Divas match.

Match #3 – Maryse vs. Gail Kim

Maryse gets the pin in the corner, by putting her feet on the ropes.

Winner via pinfall: Maryse

After the bell, Maryse grabs the microphone from Kelly Kelly, telling her that she forgot one thing, that she will be the next Diva’s champion. Kelly pushes Maryse, but then gets laid out. Melina runs to her aid, chasing Maryse off.

Now it’s time for DX to pimp their wares for Christmas, but DX says they aren’t going to do that. This is the time for giving, and Shawn get Hunter a copy of RAW vs. Smackdown 2010, and HBK has it all set up. Hunter says he already played it, because he got his free copy last week. Hunter then gives his gift. Hornswoggle pops out wearing his own DX shirt, with his likeness on it. They then get on the writers for the script. When they turn their attention back to the little guy, Hornswoggle brings down the tree on them. Horny runs off with HBK’s hat.

Match #4 – Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton – Mark Cuban guest referee

Kofi and Orton lock up, with Kofi getting the upper hand. Orton is clotheslined over the top rope, and Kofi flies over the ropes after him. Orton dodges a splash in the corner, and Orton responds with a clothesline. Orton punches Kingston, and then stomps on his abs. Orton slaps on a headlock. Kingston breaks free, and punches Orton into the corner. Cuban breaks them up, but Kofi continues his assault. Kingston connects with the double leg drop, but Orton ducks Trouble in Paradise and counters with a back breaker. Orton stares down Cuban. Orton goes for the RKO, but Kofi counters into a backslide, and Cuban makes a fast count and Kofi picks up the win.

Winner via pinfall: Kofi Kingston

After the match, Cuban tells Orton he has waited six years for payback, and now they are even. He then books Kofi and Orton in a match at TLC on Sunday.

Match #5 – The Miz vs. Mark Henry – U.S. Title Match

Miz tries for a head lock, but Henry just tosses him to the mat. The Miz dodges a splash, and then kicks Henry while he is on the mat. Henry shoots Miz off the ropes, and just knocks him to the mat. Miz fights out of a gorilla press with an eye rake, and knocks Henry from the ring. Miz kicks Henry into the ring steps. Miz climbs the turnbuckle, but Henry catches him. Miz counters into a DDT, and covers for the win.

Winner via pinfall: The Miz

Chris Masters is trying to talk to Cuban.

Match #6 – Hornswoggle and Eve vs. Chavo Guerrero and Jillian Hall – Mixed Tag Team Match

Eve blocks a splash from Jillian and hits a somersault to get the win.

Winner via pinfall: Hornswoggle and Eve

After the match, Chavo attacks Horny tossing him into the corner. Eve steps between them, but Chavo has bad intentions. Masters runs in to stop the madness, and Chavo gets in his face, going as far as poking him in the chest. Chavo walks toward Eve, as Masters starts to flex. Chavo takes a swing, but Masters counters into the Masterlock and then a full nelson slam. Masters checks on Eve and Hornswoggle is also pleased. (This was lifted straight out of Booking for Dummies: Chapter 3 – The Face Turn. Have the superstar come to the aid of a Diva. The crowd will instantly love him.)

Match #7 – Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels and Triple H

Chris Jericho addresses the crowd, telling them he will clean up at the Slammys next week. Jericho says he is bigger than the WWE, because he is the best at what he does. He goes on to say, “Never underestimate Chris Jericho.”

DX double team Jericho early, with HBK slamming Jericho into a boot from HHH. Jericho shoves the ref into Triple H, knocking out the ref and sending Hunter to the floor. Big Show runs down and beats on HBK in the corner. Hunter returns to the ring with a chair, smashing it over Show’s back. Show punches the chair into HHH, and turns his attention to HBK. Michaels dodges the attack, and grabs a ladder. Jericho kicks the ladder into HBK, and then Show uses it to take out HHH. Jericho and Show lay both men in the ladder, and Jericho smashes it with a chair. Jericho grabs the belts and climbs the ladder while standing over DX.

No Contest

Mark Cuban is in the ring, and introduces Sheamus and John Cena, so they can talk to each other. Cuban asks Sheamus why he thinks he will win. Sheamus says what took Cena years to do, he will do in weeks. Sheamus has never been beaten. Cena’s rebuttal, “No comment.” Cuban asks if either man is worried about the danger in the table match. Sheamus says he will put Cena through a table twice and watch his backbone shatter, and this Sunday he will lose everything. Cena responds with no comment. Cuban asks if there is anything either would like to say to their opponent. Cena does. He says he has faced everyone from Shawn Michaels to Kevin Federline. He has always been the man to beat. In seven years, he has never given up, and he believes everything he says. He believes he has earned to the right to say, “THE CHAMP IS HERE!” One cheap shot isn’t going to slow him down, and now he is very, very angry. Cena tells Sheamus he is impressed, but not intimidated. Sheamus and Cena flip over the tables, and Cuban gets between the two. Sheamus shoves Cuban to the mat, and then kicks a distracted Cena in the head. Sheamus sets a table up in the corner, waiting for Cena to get to his feet. Sheamus kicks him again, as Cuban gets to his feet. The Mavs owner gets in the Irishman’s face, and shoves him to the mat. Sheamus is stunned, and Cuban holds his ground, but not for long as Sheamus knees him in the gut. Sheamus then picks him up and slams him through the table. The Mavericks players jump the barrier to come to Cuban’s defense. Sheamus backs off, heading up the ramp as Cena gets to his feet.

Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003.