November 30, 2009
RAW: Little host, little wrestling
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
It looks like we are heading into the era of the gimmick Pay-Per-View. A few months ago we had Hell in the Cell, WWE TLC: Tables, Ladders, and Chairs is only weeks away, and looking ahead there is an Elimination Chamber show coming up. Oh, and if you weren’t here last week, Sheamus is the number one contender for the WWE Title. Good times. Verne Troyer hosts tonight’s show from Baltimore, Maryland.
Chris Jericho and Big Show walk to the ring dressed for success. Jericho is in the ring to clear up some misconceptions; mainly that DX is the best tag team of all time. Fact number one, Jeri-Show has been the champs for over four months. They have beaten back every opponent they have faced. In the meantime, DX has been together since 1997, but have never won the tag team titles. Fact number two, DX can’t measure up to Jeri-Show. Fact number three, there are 43 titles between Jericho and Show. Fact number four, DX has never been in a TLC match.
HBK and HHH finally walk out to shut up Jeri-Show, and Hunter tells them they forgot a fact. The fact that they are boring us to death and that no one gives a crap about them. DX on the other hand has a history and has built a worldwide army. HBK says they will make history by becoming the Tag Team champions. They will also get rid of Chris Jericho from RAW. Jericho says if he leaves RAW the rating will tank. (This is getting boring, bring out Mini-Me.)
Hunter wants a match with Jericho tonight, since Jericho doesn’t have much time left. Show whispers something to his partner, and Jericho accepts, with this stipulation. If he loses, he will take on DX by himself, but if Jericho wins, HHH must face Jeri-Show on his own. Jericho then says he is never leaving RAW.
Match #1 – Melina and Gail Kim vs. Maryse and Jillian Hall
Before the match, backstage, Josh Matthews asks Maryse why she attacked Melina last week. Maryse simply wants her Diva’s Title back.
Maryse and Jillian pick up the win after Maryse hits Melina with a DDT.
Winner via pinfall: Maryse and Jillian Hall
Match #2 – Sheamus vs. Finlay - Break Through Qualifying Match Santino Marella
Before the match, Sheamus tells us why he can beat Cena.
(What is this? Santino is meant to be squashed, he’s the comic relief. What the hell?)
Santino feels that Sheamus has overlooked him and he is upset. Santino makes a Lucky Charms joke, and tells Sheamus that he still won’t have any title after TLC. Sheamus has heard enough and the squash is on. A big clothesline takes down Santino, and Cole mentions the bell hasn’t rung yet. Santino is shot off the ropes and right into the bicycle kick. Sheamus follows with the Celtic Cross. Sheamus does his best Dudley impression by getting the tables, and poor Santino is going to be in a world of hurt. Sheamus drives Santino through the table and leaves him lying in the corner.
Show and Jericho walk through the back talking and run into Verne Troyer. He shakes hands with Show, but ignores Jericho. Troyer is on the phone, and tells Jericho to hold it, Jericho storms off.
After the break, Troyer is out on stage, sitting on a chair. He says after seeing Seth Green host RAW, it looked like a good time. Troyer says he was at SummerSlam, and everyone was great, except for one person, the Miz. He was a jerk.
The Miz interrupts, and tells Verne he doesn’t remember seeing him at the party, but he does offer up an apology. Well, not really an apology, but a really good Dr. Evil impression, and wants him to be his Mini-Miz. Troyer gets in his verbal shots, and says he is better with the ladies. Miz threatens to punt Troyer through the arena, until Mark Henry walks out to stop it. Miz makes a fat joke, and tells Henry to get off the stage, because no one will remember him.
Troyer then books Miz in a match with Mark Henry.
Match #3 – Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton
Kingston is jumped on the ramp by Cody Rhodes, who slams him into the ring steps. Multiple referees chase off Rhodes, as Kofi tries to get to his feet. Kingston pulls himself into the ring, and looks like he will try to wrestle.
Orton’s music hits, but Kofi is attacked from behind by Ted DiBiase, who works over Kingston’s leg. Officials chase off DiBiase, but Kofi is in a lot of pain. Kofi can’t get to his feet, but says he is okay, as Orton finally makes his way to the ring.
Kofi is fighting on one leg, and Orton takes him down, focusing on the leg. Orton slams the leg of Kingston into the ring post. Orton continues the beating in the corner. Kingston fights back, but Orton stops that with a kick to the leg, followed by an RKO. Orton covers for the win.
Winner via pinfall: Randy Orton
After the bell, Orton continues his assault, hitting a DDT with Kofi suspended on the top rope.
Verne is in the back playing RAW vs. Smackdown 2010 with MVP. Jillian Hall stops in and wants to sing a song. MVP has an idea; he wants Jillian to sing so Mark can dance. Henry gets his groove on, but trips and falls on Jillian. The crowd goes wild.
The champ is here! Cena is not in a good mood; he isn’t happy that Sheamus put him through a table and that Sheamus is saying he is the new WWE champion. Cena says if he loses, he will invoke his rematch clause at TLC. Cena says he will make a statement tonight, as he will take on Sheamus in a WWE title match.
Instead of Sheamus, Cena gets Carlito, who says the whole locker room is hoping Sheamus beats him at TLC. Carlito says everyone is tired of Cena hogging the spotlight. Sheamus is going to do what everyone else wants to do, and win the WWE title. Sheamus is representing all the superstars. Carlito tells Cena his reign is over. Cena tells Carlito he picked the wrong guy on the wrong night. His mouth just backed him into a fight. Cena tells Carlito to step up. Cena is ready for a fight. Carlito takes a bite of apple, but Cena punches him in the mouth and drops him with the Attitude Adjustment. Cena dumps Carlito from the ring and Sheamus walks to the top of the ramp. Cena tells Sheamus to come get some. Sheamus doesn’t budge, and then walks back to the locker room.
Troyer is back out on stage, and introduces Mark Henry and MVP. (There’s been an awfully lot of talking this week.) MVP wants to prove the Miz wrong and show Henry has some personality. Henry is going to rock the mike.
Match #4 – The Miz vs. Mark Henry
The Miz punches Henry into the corner, but Henry shoves him aside. The Miz hits a chop block to take the big man down, and then kicks him in the face. Miz follows with a splash. Miz goes up top, but Henry catches him on a cross body. Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam and cover for the win.
Winner via pinfall: mark Henry
After the match, Henry celebrates with Verne Troyer and the Divas.
Michaels and Hunter think they imagined getting served with papers last week. Hornswoggle walks in and grunts (with subtitles) that he will seek further prosecution. Troyer rolls up and tells Horny to sue them for everything they have.
Match #5 – Chris Jericho vs. Triple H
HBK joins Michael Cole and King Lawler at the announce table. Hunter runs Jericho down outside the ring, and tosses him back in when Show hits the ring. Jericho takes advantage with a springboard drop kick.
After the break, Show joins the announce team, as Jericho slams HHH into the ring steps. Jericho keeps the pressure on the ring, as HBK and Show go back and forth on the headsets. Hunter fights back by hitting a face buster. Jericho gets a boot up in the corner, but HHH blocks an attempt at the Walls. Jericho hits a bulldog, but Hunter blocks the Lionsault by getting his knees up. Jericho and Hunter trade blows, until Hunter connects with a clothesline. Jericho counters a Pedigree into a DDT. Hunter catches Jericho shooting off the ropes with a spinebuster, and Show gets to his feet. HBK tries to cut him off, but Show just tosses Michaels into the apron. Hunter looks at Show and Show clocks him with the big right hand. The ref sees Show after the fact, and tosses him. HBK used the time to slip into the ring and hit Sweet Chin Music on Jericho. The ref sees HBK on the apron and tosses him. With both men down in the ring, the ref starts the ten count. Both men get up at nine, and Jericho goes for the Codebreaker. Hunter counters into a Pedigree, but Jericho counters that into the walls. Hunter counters that by pushing Jericho into the ropes, and the rolling him up. Hunter gets the three count and the win.
Winner via pinfall: Triple H
After the match, HBK tells Jericho next week will be his last match on RAW.
Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003.