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As the face of Smackdown, Punk demands to know who his next opponent is, since he has defeated the "all powerful Undertaker." Faced with a barrage of "boo's" Punk claims there's nobody left to face.
Queue the ominous Gregorian chants, and coffin-carrying monks. Could these guys take any longer getting to the ring? Punk grabs a chair and prepares to hit anything that pops out of the coffin, then in a rage of impatience he starts to wail on the coffin itself with chair shots to a chorus of "TAKER!" chants.
Punk decides to opens the coffin himself only to find Teddy Long tied up inside. Punk helps poor Teddy into the ring and unties him loose. Long grabs the microphone, gasping for air stating "effectively immediately, there's no longer a ban on the Undertaker's Hell's Gate submission hold...one week from this Sunday you will defend the WHC against the Undertaker - inside Hell in a Cell."
That's not all, Punk will face Undertaker tonight on Smackdown! ... Great they're giving their main-event away on TV for free - on a Friday. Teddy limps back to the locker room, as Punk looks worried.
Commercial Break
Back from the break - Did you know: more males under 55 watched Smackdown last Friday, than every show on ABC, Fox, NBC, and CBS? - I'd love to see the math behind this.
Match 1
- (IC) John Morrison/ Finlay v. Mike Knox/ Dolph Ziggler
Ziggler and Finlay open up, as
Finlay hits hard with a body slam and knocks er.. Knox... off the apron.
Despite this, Ziggler and Knox make quick tags back and forth controlling
Finlay in the near-corner.
Commercial Break
Coming back from break, Knox is controls Finlay in the middle of the ring with a sleeper hold. Knox makes a tag, and Ziggler attacks with a great standing vertical leap to drop an elbow for a near-fall. Finlay scrambles to his corner to make a tag, but he's quickly grabbed by Ziggler and worked towards the near-corner again. Knox tags back into the matchup and works the sleeper once again, then Knox makes another quick tag to Ziggler.
Great ring psychology so far. The
hot-tag to Morrison is really being built up here, as Finlay has been
inches away from a tag almost three times, and every time Ziggler makes
the save.
Finlay gets out of the way of an impending splash in the turnbuckles,
leading to Ziggler plowing his head into the post. Knox and Morrison
tag in at the same time, and Morrison starts with heavy offense. He
starts off the ropes and hits Knox down to the middle of the ring to
nail an impressive standing shooting star for a near-fall. As they stand-up
Knox hits a big boot gaining control, then shoves Finlay off the apron.
As this happens Ziggler enters for the double team, but Morrison hits
a cross-body and eliminates Ziggler for the time being. As the ref checks
on Ziggler, the disoriented Finlay hits Knox with the shillelagh and
Morrison drags him to the corner to land the Starship Pain and the pin-fall.
Morrison/Finlay over Knox/Ziggler via
pin-fall.
Cut to Cryme Tyme w. Eve Torres and Slam Master J, promoting the WCW
dvd. Apparently, Sam Master J graffiti'd Teddy Long's office,
so Long puts him in a match as punishment, which is up after the break.
I thought we already had a white-boy trying to be black in the WWE.
Back from the break we find out that Slam Master J's opponent is Kane.
Match 2 - Slam Master J v. Kane
Kane hits a sidewalk slam, and a choke slam for the pin-fall. As the
new catch-phrase for Kane seems to be "Kane imposes his will."
Kane over Slam Master J via pin-fall.
Vince is seen strutting backstage, with his usual smirk. Yet his eyes
read an emasculated "my wife is about to be more powerful than me"
look of terror.
Punk catches up with Vince and asks if he's going to let Teddy Long
to "allow this." Vince says that Punk and Long should have thought
about the consequences before scheming together, and wishes the champ
luck.
Commercial Break
Back from the break, Vince is introduced into the ring with a "huge
announcement" planned for the future of Friday Night Smackdown. Vince
initially gets a warm reception, and quickly insults Oklahomans by comparing
them to Porky Pig.
Vince
goes on to promote next week's 10 year Smackdown anniversary special.
However, that's next week's business; tonight he wants to welcome
"a future World Heavyweight Champion" to the ring, Drew McIntyre
(Drew Galloway).
McIntyre cuts a promo stating that next week they'll be honour the
past greats of Smackdown, but the weeks thereafter everyone will be
honouring Drew McIntyre. R-Truth cuts off McIntyre with his usual "wassup?!"
from the crowd.
This
is one long interruption, as Truth raps his way to the ring and McIntyre
just stands there looking aggravated. Truth is way over in Oklahoma,
as he welcomes McIntyre to Smackdown with a beating. The hillbillies
in Oklahoma repeatedly yell "USA" to send off McIntyre.
Commercial Break
Returning from the commercial, Batista's victory over Jericho from
last week is recapped to kick off the next match.
Match 3 - Big Show w/ Chris Jericho in his corner v. Batista
It's amazing how Jericho has made Big Show relevant again, but this
match is clearly going to be a dud. I'm also pretty sure Batista pulled
a hammy during his machine-gun entrance...ok maybe not, but it's possible
next week.
These two apes start up with a lethargic lockup, as Show gets the advantage
and pushes Batista to the ropes. They lockup again, and Show throws
Batista down again.
Then the best part of the match, Jericho shouts at Jim Ross from ringside
as the cameras pick up the audio, "Did ya see that power Jim Ross?
He threw ‘em down like a rag-doll!" What a classic heel move
- brilliant!
Batista comes back with some right hands, and a shoulder, but Show
stands strong as Batista hits the mat. Show maintains the advantage
and slowly works him over in the corners with some chops. Big Show does
his "SHHHH - CHOP!" spot as again Jericho can be heard yelling
from ringside, "You can hear it! It broke
‘em in two!"
Jericho is the highlight of the match and he's not even wrestling.
Big Show continues with body shots, and throws Batista against the
ropes. Batista holds on causing Show to charge, Batista ducks and Show
gets caught up on the ropes as Batista clotheslines him to the outside
of the ring.
Commercial Break
As we resume, Big Show has Batista
in a sleeper hold in the centre of the ring. Soon thereafter Batista
is caught in a bear-hug, Show hits a near-fall. Show hits Batista with
a body slam, and attempts a Vader Bomb but Batista gets out of the way.
Finally Batista hits a spear and goes for the Batista Bomb. Show breaks
free and attempts the choke slam, some how in this chaotic mess Batista
hits an ankle lock on Big Show (WTF?). Jericho hits the ring immediately
and receives a spine buster as the ref asks for the bell. Batista has
the ankle-lock on Jericho, and he starts tapping as Batista is announced
the winner.
Batista over Big Show via DQ
Big Show limps to the locker-room, as we are taken back to a recap of
Teddy Long's apology from last week.
Vince and Teddy Long are backstage in a useless weekly segment where
Vince demands his picture. However, the picture turns out to be defaced,
with spray paint - the work of Slam Master J. Vince storms off claiming
he'll make hell look like Sunday school.
Commercial Break.
Some of the WWE wrestlers were on "Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?"
Which airs this Tuesday on MyNetworkTV.
Cryme Tyme's JTG makes his way to the ring.
Match 4 - JTG w/ Shad and Eve Torres in his corner v. David Hart
Smith w/ Natalya and Tyson Kidd in his corner.
JTG starts with some drops kicks for an early offensive opening, managing
to land a near-fall. Smith regains control and stomps on JTG's chest,
he then manages a near-fall of his own after a body slam off the ropes.
JTG counters with a flurry of right hands, and a leg-drop off the second
turnbuckle leading to another near-fall. Natalya gets up on the ropes
as Eve makes quick work of her - this distracts the referee as Tyson
Kid comes in with a kick to JTG's head. Smith regains control and
hits a suplex for the pin-fall.
David Hart Smith over JTG via pin-fall.
Batista's ankle lock from earlier tonight is referred to as "devastating"
by Jim Ross, as Josh Matthews announces he will have Batista for an
interview after the break.
Commercial Break
Matthews welcomes Batista, and asks who his partner is going to be at Hell in a Cell as he will challenge the unified Tag-Team champions. Batista announces Rey Mysterio as his partner for Hell in a Cell.
Punk's music hits, and he makes his
way down the ramp for tonight's (and next Sunday's) main-event.
Commercial Break
As we return we learn Raw will be hosted next Monday by Rev. Al Sharpton.
Undertaker's music hits as the lights go dim, and Taker makes his
way to the ring. We are reminded that the Hell's Gate submission hold
is once again, a legal hold.
Match 5- (WHC) CM Punk v. The Undertaker
Taker quickly corners Punk and
works the body, he whips him across the ring only to get Punk's boot
to the face. Taker counters however by grabbing him by the throat and
tosses him to the outside.
Commercial Break
Returning from the break, Undertaker has the upper-hand and continues
with an onslaught of kicks to the head from the outside of the ring,
as Punk is resting on the ring apron. Punk is worked over in the far
corner with some right hands, and a shoulder charge in the centre of
the ring. Taker attempts his old school rope walk, but Punk crotches
him and begins with elbows to the head. As Punk goes for a super-plex
Taker throws him to the mat. Punk gets right back up and lands a few
head-buts as Taker is still crotched on the far turnbuckle. Punk lands
a super-plex and Taker is thrown across the ring to land a near-fall.
Punk lands another near-fall, and as Taker kicks out Punk hits a triangle
choke. To counter this, Taker merely grabs Punk's throat and Punk
unravels his legs.
Punk looks to be primed for a choke slam, but he kicks Taker's legs out
to escape. A barrage of back and forth right hands leads to Undertaker
gaining control, and hitting a big boot for a near-fall. Undertaker
again goes for a choke slam but Punk lands a big kick to Taker's head.
Punk scrambles to the outside to grab his belt and make an escape, but
is knocked down as Taker grabs the belt and throws it into the ring.
Undertaker attempts to power bomb punk onto the announce table but Punk
slides off his back and makes it into the ring before the count-out.
CM Punk over Undertaker via count-out.
Grade: C+
Final Thoughts:
* The re-instatement of the Hell's Gate submission seems useless,
since the WHC match is Hell in a Cell. If this match typically has no
rules, why does it matter if the hold is outlawed?
* Rey Mysterio is an odd choice as Batista's partner, it would be
unwise for Jericho and Big Show to drop those belts, especially to a
pairing of Batista and Mysterio. Yet, Mysterio's return match should
not be a loss either.
* The screw job angle is so lame, especially with all the cartoony tomfoolery
from last week.
* The Morrison/Ziggler angle didn't seem to progress this week as
Morrison got another one over on Ziggler. How can they build an angle
for a baby-face IC champ when the heel pursuing his belt isn't even
demonstrated as a legitimate contender, but rather a joke. Ex. Mr Ziggles
* I can't expect next week's Smackdown to progress any angles, as
it looks to be a cross-branded show.