September 8, 2009
ECW: It does not make sense
By MATT BISHOP - SLAM! Wrestling
Tonight on ECW on Syfy: Heading into Sunday's ECW Championship match at Breaking Point, challenger William Regal gets the night off while champion Christian teams with Tommy Dreamer to face Regal henchmen Ezekiel Jackson and Kozlov. It was Bob Barker, but it exceed expectations. Should be a good one!
And we are "LIVE!" from Rockford, Ill. Josh Mathews and Matt Striker are our hosts. This show is presented in WWEHD (TV-PG,V).
Match #1 - The Hurricane (Smithfield, N.C.) vs. Paul Burchill (Chelsea, England)
Back-and-forth event to start. Hurricane locks in what Striker calls the "octopus." But Burchill powers out and drops Hurricane. He follows up with a vicious back suplex for two. Burchill hits a running double knee in the corner for two. Burchill scores with a backbreaker. Hurricane ducks a short-arm lariat and rolls Burchill up for two. Burchill, though, takes control again until Hurricane low-bridges him to the outside. Hurricane follows up with a slingshot onto Burchill. Out of the mess, Burchill throws Hurricane chest-first into the ring apron and hits a Pele kick.
We're back and Burchill is working a headlock. Hurricane stands but eats a knee. Burchill whips him into the corner and charges but Hurricane moves and Burchill goes shoulder-first into the ring post. They start trading in the centre of the ring and Burchill goes off the ropes and Hurricane hits a Thesz Press. Hurricane goes to the top and hits a flying crossbody for two. Hurricane eats a boot in the corner but lands some strikes. Burchill's sitting on the top turnbuckle. Hurricane goes up behind him and Burchill gets him on his shoulder for a giant powerslam from the top.
They are both down and Burchill crawls for the cover but gets 2 7/8. Hurricane hits a Hurricane-rana from the second rope for two. Then Katie Lea gets on the apron and distracts Hurricane. He turns back around and goes for the Shining Wizard but Burchill ducks. Hurricane Irish whips Burchill into his sister and hits a rebounding Burchill with the Eye of the Hurricane for the win.
Winner via pinfall: The Hurricane
The newest member of the ECW broadcast team, Savannah, is backstage with Christian and Tommy Dreamer. They're going to take it to Kozlov and Ezekiel Jackson tonight.
Match #2 - Shelton Benjamin (Orangeburg, S.C.) & Sheamus (Dublin, Ireland) vs. Yoshi Tatsu (Tokyo, Japan) & Goldust (Hollywood, Calif.)
OK, let me get this straight: As far as I can tell, Sheamus is a heel. So why is he teaming with Shelton Benjamin, who has been a face for like the last four weeks? I don't think I've ever been more infuriated at a tag team pairing than I am now. Are they just pulling out the random booking generator for this one? I do remember when Tatsu and Benjamin had a series of matches, but then Benjamin became a babyface and had a little rivalry with Zack Ryder, who is most definitely a heel. 2+2 = 5? Do they think we are a bunch of idiots? THIS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. This is TNA-level logic and that is not a compliment.
So the "heels" cut off Tatsu but Tatsu jettisons Benjamin from the ring. Tatsu is SO SLOW to make the tag but Benjamin comes from behind and drops Goldust off the apron. Tatsu hits Sheamus with a kick and is able to muster the strength to LEAP to Goldust when he was half-dead 30 seconds ago.
Benjamin blind tags himself in and drills Goldust for the win. No replay.
Winners via pinfall: Shelton Benjamin & Sheamus
Sheamus isn't happy and decks Shelton. The crowd cheers. They then brawl. Who's the face here? Then the usual bunch of idiots come to break it up.
Complete epic fail of a segment. I've recapped ECW for a few weeks shy of two years for this site and cannot remember ever being more angry or frustrated with the pure stupidity of a segment. I mean, there's been stupid stuff before, but nothing as bad as this. I feel like I'm watching SpikeTV on Thursday's from 9-11 p.m.
Match #3 - Zack Ryder (Long Island, N.Y.) vs. Rory Fargo (209 pounds)
And when I thought there was no hope, they give me Zack Ryder and redeem themselves about 10 percent.
For some reason they didn't use the hard camera the entire match. I don't know if something was going on, but they kept cutting from real close angles to another close angle. Very weird.
Winner via pinfall: Zack Ryder
Tyler Reks is backstage with Tiffany. William Regal comes in with his backup and scurries Reks away (just another reason to like Regal). Regal is upset about his men being attacked with canes last week. She says it's all fair considering what they did to Christian and Dreamer in the past. Regal vows to become ECW Champion at Breaking Point.
Match #4 - Kozlov (Moscow, Russia) & Ezekiel Jackson (Harlem, N.Y.) vs. Tommy Dreamer (Yonkers, N.Y) & Christian (Toronto, Ontario)
Kozlov kills Christian with a shoulderblock early. Christian cracks Kozlov with a straight right. Kozlov staggers back and tags in Jackson. Christian tags in Dreamer. Collar-and-elbow tie up sends Dreamer flying back. Dreamer goes for an Irish whip but Jackson pulls him in and lands a huge bodyslam. Dreamer ends up getting Jackson to the outside where Christian hits a dropkick on Jackson as he tries to re-enter the ring. Christian slingshots onto Jackson but is caught. Before Jackson can bring destruction upon Christian's life, Dreamer flies in and crossbodies Christian and Jackson, sending Jackson back-first onto the floor. This is fun so far.
We're back and Christian and Dreamer are double teaming Jackson. That doesn't last long, as once Christian gets out Jackson takes control. He brings in Kozlov who hits one of his four moves, a shoulderblock, on Dreamer. Working frequent tags now. Kozlov eats a boot from Dreamer and then a clothesline from the second rope. Dreamer finally gets Christian back into the match. He tries to chop down Kozlov with clotheslines to no avail. Kozlov eats a boot and a missile dropkick. Christian finally gets Kozlov to the mat with another missile dropkick. Christian in the bad corner and gets hit with a big headbutt from Kozlov. Jackson in with a backbreaker. Another. Back suplex for Jackson for two. Kozlov in and he works Christian's back. Christian escapes and runs right into a fallaway slam for two.
Back to Jackson as the crowd fires up a "Let's go Christian" chant. Slam by Jackson forces Christian to grab the bottom rope at two on the fall attempt. Kozlov rams his shoulder into Christian in the corner. He goes for a headbutt but Christian moves and hits the flying European uppercut. Christian gets to Dreamer as Kozlov gets to Jackson. Running knee by Dreamer followed by a high crossbody and a bulldog. Cover for two. Dreamer to the top rope for a frog splash but Kozlov breaks the pin with a huge boot.
Christian takes Kozlov to the outside but with the referee distracted by the chaos, Regal grabs Dreamer's boot, allowing a perfect distraction for Jackson to recover and hit the uranage for the pin.
Winners via pinfall: Ezekiel Jackson & Kozlov
Regal locks in the Regal Stretch on Dreamer after the match. Christian tries to make the save but Regal kicks him in the face, sending him back to the outside.
Matt Bishop can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Please include your name and hometown. Click here to follow Matt on Twitter. And if you're interested in mixed martial arts, check out Matt's weekly podcast -- Lights Out Radio. Should be a good one!.