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RAW: I got two letters for you: DX!
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling


John Cena and Randy Orton have a staredown at RAW Monday night in Calgary. Photos by Jason Clevett


Well, it’s finally happened. WWE has run out of celebrities to host the show, so tonight Sergeant Slaughter is taking over the reins of Monday Night RAW. Deep down I hoped this was a G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra movie tie-in (IN THEATERS NOW!) but alas I saw the movie yesterday, and Sergeant Slaughter is nowhere to be found.

Lillian Garcia kicks off the show from Calgary by introducing WWE Champion Randy Orton, who is all ready in the ring. Despite Jerry Lawler calling Canada, “Bizzaro-land”, the fans do boo Orton. The champ wants to address the rumor that he is afraid off facing John Cena. Orton bullied Jeremy Piven last week, because he could. And the fact is he will beat Jon Cena and SummerSlam.

John Cena comes out to dispute that fact. Cena says he is ready to snap because he is tired of Orton talking. And he is tired of Orton bullying people. Cena tells Orton to bully him. Cena really gets in Orton’s face, and doesn’t crack any jokes or make any snide comments during his promo.

The Big Show and Chris Jericho, Unified Tag Team Champions, walk out to the ring to stick their noses in this business. Show calls this little show amusing. Cena takes a dig at Show, and then Jericho gets his home pop, until Cena points out the fact that Jericho has moved to the United States. Jericho informs Cena that he had a meeting with Sarge, and tonight Jericho will take on Cena. Show then tells Orton that they will also have a match tonight.


Beth Phoenix has Kelly Kelly tied up, while Gail Kim attacks her from behind.
Match #1 – Kelly Kelly vs. Alicia Fox vs. Gail Kim vs. Beth Phoenix – Diva Fatal Four-way – Number One Contenders Match

With Beth Phoenix and Kelly Kelly down and out on the floor, Gail Kim hits a shoulder breaker on Fox and covers for the win.

Winner via pinfall: Gail Kim

After the match, Sergeant Slaughter finally makes an appearance. The Sarge wants to lead every in a salute to the Canadian flag. (If they play, “O, Canada,” I’m down with it.) Instead of a salute, Slaughter runs down Canada and tells the crowd they should thanks America and takes the U.S. protection for granted. Slaughter wants everyone to stand up and pay respect to the United States.

Triple H’s post match comments from last week are recapped. It looks like Shawn Michaels has a new job, though.

Match #2 – Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne

Swagger knocks Bourne down in the corner, but Bourne recovers to take Swagger down with a toe hold. Swagger rolls out of the ring, and Bourne leaps over the top rope and drives his knees into the face of Swagger. Back in the ring, Bourne flips out of a suplex, and then takes Swagger down with a series of kicks. Bourne climbs the ropes, but is able to land on his feet as Swagger rolls away. Bourne goes for a head scissors, but Swagger blocks it. Bourne counters into a roll up, but Swagger kicks out at two. Swagger then hits the gut wrench power bomb and covers for the win.

Winner via pinfall: Jack Swagger

After the match, Swagger grabs a microphone and runs his mouth. MVP hits the ring to shut him up. Porter points out that these Canadian fans don’t care about his All-American status. MVP challenges him to a match tonight. Swagger says next week, so MVP knocks him on his rear. Swagger rolls out of the ring

Triple H is searching for Shawn Michaels, I’m sure hilarity will ensue. Hunter is in the cafeteria of a random office building waiting for Shawn, and then suffers a case of mistaken identity. Turns out, Shawn is the cook in said cafeteria. Hunter is speechless.

Slaughter walks out to antagonize the Canadian fans some more. The Sarge apologizes for earlier and is going to bring out someone to sing the Canadian National Anthem. Of course, it’s Jillian Hall, and she is singing “God Bless America” instead.

Match #3 – Eugene vs. The Calgary Kid – Contract on a Pole match

(Shouldn’t Brian Kendrick be in this match? Too soon?)

You heard me right, a contract on a pole match. The winner of this match gets a WWE contract. After almost being tricked by the kid, Eugene hits the People’s elbow, but the Calgary Kid cuts him off. The Kid head butts Eugene to the floor, and reaches up and grabs the contract. After the bell, the Kid hits Eugene with a full nelson stroke. The Calgary Kid rips off his mask, and it’s The Miz! The Miz is back. (I can’t believe it! I didn’t see that coming at all. A new guy in a mask winning a contract, and it turns out to be The Miz. Never saw it coming.)

Winner: The Calgary Kid aka The Miz

Match #4 – Randy Orton vs. The Big Show


The Big Show makes his way to the ring.
Orton and Show stand toe to toe and Orton is visibly intimidated. Show blocks a punch and responds with a head butt and a shot to the ribs. Show slaps on a reverse headlock, forcing Orton into the corner. Show tosses the champ aside, and then chops him off the top turnbuckle. Orton falls to the arena floor. Show rolls Orton back in the ring, but Orton poke Show in the eye, and follows with a DDT. Show kicks out, but is still down. Orton stomps away at the giant, and then drops a knee. Orton stalks Show, but Show blocks the RKO. Show follows with a choke slam, but Orton is able to get a foot on the ropes to break the pin. Show waits for Orton with the big right hand. Orton ducks the punch, slides out of the ring, and heads back up the ramp. Orton gets counted out.

Winner via countout: The Big Show

And we are back with Shawn and Hunter. Shawn tells Hunter he is a chef because of the hat and shirt. Michaels says these corporate guys are his brothers, and he gets respect; until a little girl tosses her tater tots back in his face. Hunter tells Shawn Legacy is out of control and pleads with him to come back. Shawn says he is happy and good at what he does. Then the grill catches fire. Shawn douses the flames, and agrees the listen to what Hunter has to say.

Match #5 – MVP vs. Chris Masters

Masters yanks MVP off the turnbuckle and stomps away at him. Masters the shoots MVP off the ropes and connects with a drop kick. MVP fights back with forearm shivers, and then a knee to the face. Porter hits the Ballin’ elbow. Master recovers and goes for the Masterlock, MVP counters into the playmaker and hits it. MVP covers for the win.

Winner via pinfall: MVP

After the match, Jack Swagger walks to the ring, and MVP wants to fight. Unfortunately, MVP doesn’t see Masters get up. MVP is out in the Masterlock. Swagger the hits the gut wrench power bomb after Masters in done.

Hunter helps Shawn out with the cooking as he talks about SummerSlam. Hunter wants to know if Shawn is in. Then the boss shows up to address certain complaints. The Boss looks like he is going to fire Shawn, so HBK blasts him in the teeth with a superkick. Shawn says he is in.

Slaughter comes back out to rile up the Canadians. You don’t really need to read about this. Okay, Slaughter teases a return of Bret Hart, playing his entrance music; instead they get Hacksaw Jim Duggan.

Match #6 – Chavo Guerrero and ??? vs. Hornswoggle and Mark Henry

Chavo walks out in street clothes and says he hasn’t found a partner because he is still hurt from last week. Instead, Chavo has found a replacement tag team, Legacy.

Match #6 – Legacy vs. Hornswoggle and Mark Henry

DiBiase wants no part of Henry, so he lets Cody take a shot. Henry shakes off the punch from Rhodes, picks him up and press slams him to the mat. Cody avoids a splash, and tags in his partner. Cody and Ted double team Henry, but cannot get the suplex up. Henry reverses it and suplexes both members of Legacy. Dibiase is then caught trying a cross body and Henry drops him with the World’s Strongest Slam. Horny gets the tag for the tadpole splash, but DiBiase rolls away. Rhodes knocks Cody off the apron, and Dibiase hits Horny with Dream Street to pick up the win.

Winner via pinfall: Legacy

After the match, Legacy addresses DX. They say they aren’t scared and this will be the shortest comeback in WWE history.

Josh Matthews interviews Chris Jericho backstage. Jericho says he will beat Cena for the first time ever, and he dedicates his victory to Calgary. Show interrupts and is upset that Orton ran off. Jericho forgets the camera is still on him as he runs down Canada and Calgary. Matthews reminds Jericho the camera is still on and Y2J just slinks off.

I guess there are still some celebs out there willing to come on RAW. Next week Freddy Prinze, Jr. takes over the show.

Match #6 – John Cena vs. Chris Jericho

Cena and Jericho lock up and Jericho gains the advantage with a head lock. Jericho follows with a shoulder block and then a single leg take down into a roll up, but Cena kicks out. Cena responds with a head lock of his own, and then a shoulder block. Cena shoots off the ropes and takes Jericho down with a side headlock. Jericho trips up Cena, and then kicks him from the ring. Cena crashes into the turnbuckle, and Jericho hits him with an elbow. Jericho goes to a sleeper hold, but Cena breaks free. A shoulder blocks sends Jericho to the mat, and Cena gains control with a side slam. Jericho almost rolls up Cena, but Cena lifts him up into the Attitude adjustment. Jericho elbows out and hits a bulldog. Cena avoids the lionsault, but Jericho lands on his feet. Jericho hits a cross body, but Cena rolls through. Cena picks Jericho up into another AA, but Jericho counters into the Walls of Jericho. Cena climbs to the ropes, but Jericho walks him back to the middle of the ring. Cena reverses the hold, and is able to lock in the STF. Randy Orton runs in and the bell is rung. Orton and Cena face off. Cena turns around, right into a Codebreaker. Jericho slaps Orton, and the champ just tosses him from the ring. The Big Show slips into the ring, and choke slams Orton. Sergeant Slaughter walks out to stop the madness. Slaughter uses his power one last time to make a match for next week, Big Show and Chris Jericho will take on John Cena and Randy Orton. Show is then dumped from the ring by Orton and Cena. Jericho is picked up by Cena, but is RKO’ed to the mat by Orton. The show ends with Cena and Orton circling each other.

No Contest

Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Dale is still patiently waiting for his call to guest host RAW. What does he have to do to get on this show?