July 22, 2009
ECW: Dreamer, Christian jabber prior to Night of Champions
By MATT BISHOP - SLAM! Wrestling
Tonight on ECW on Syfy: The Abraham Washington Show takes center stage as WWE's newest talk show host brings the two men competing in Sunday's ECW Championship match — champion Tommy Dreamer and challenger Christian — to his show. In the old days they'd say "let the bodies hit the floor." Tonight on The Abraham Washington Show, it's "let the corny jokes hit the floor." Should be a good one!
And we are "LIVE!" from Richmond, Va. Josh Mathews and Matt Striker are our hosts. This show is presented in WWEHD (TV-PG,V).
Match #1 - Yoshi Tatsu (Tokyo, Japan) vs. William Regal (Blackpool, England)
Some good chain wrestling early before Regal bails. But Regal doesn't end up on the defensive for long as he takes over the match.
Regal hits a modified exploder suplex and wraps Tatsu's forearms around his own head. Tatsu tries to power out but Regal locks it right back in. Regal hits a butterfly suplex for two.
Regal controls Tatsu but Yoshi is able to hit a kick to send Regal reeling. They exchange chops and then Tatsu starts with the kicks. He hits a double knee in the corner and then kicks Regal square in the back. He goes to the top but Regal knocks him down and onto the canvas. Regal goes for the running knee but Tatsu's moves and hits the head kick for the fall.
Winner via pinfall: Yoshi Tatsu
Match #2 - Ezekiel Jackson (Harlem, N.Y.) vs. Mike Williams (222 pounds)
Could a jobber be any more bland than MIKE WILLIAMS?
Jackson squash. 47 seconds.
Winner via pinfall: Ezekiel Jackson
After Jackson gets done demolishing Mr. Williams, Kozlov makes his way to the ring, presumably because he's mad that he's not the one squashing jobbers week-in and week-out anymore.
They stare each other down before Kozlov turns his attention to Mr. Williams, picks him up, hits the Iron Curtain and walks off. Maybe he came out because they pretty much have the same finisher.
Mathews and Striker throw it to a new feature: Ask the Divas. Lesson learned from this: We know why Kelly Kelly doesn't cut promos.
Match #3 - Goldust (Hollywood, Calif.) vs. Shelton Benjamin (Orangeburg, S.C.)
The symmetry just will not stop on this show. Goldust against the Gold Standard. OMG!
So let me get this straight: Benjamin pins the No. 1 contender clean last week and this week he's facing GOLDUST?
Goldust fires up with a scoop slam, a inverted atomic drop and a bulldog but Shelton kicks out at two. A leg drop nets Goldust another two count but Benjamin counters a punch into a backbreaker for a two of his own.
Benjamin rings Goldust's neck on the top rope then jumps back in the ring and hits Paydirt for the win.
Winner via pinfall: Shelton Benjamin
Gregory Helms is backstage with Paul Burchill, who'll be facing Tyler Reks this week. He's talking when a weird sound is coming from the side. It's Goldust. Burchill confronts him and it appears Goldust is reprising the stuttering gimmick. Yay!
Match #4 - Tyler Reks (Laguna Beach, Calif.) vs. Paul Burchill (Chelsea, England)
Reks turns his back on Burchill and Burchill hits the Elijah Express, sending Reks crashing to the mat. Burchill locks in a headlock. And that's pretty much the match for the next several minutes.
Reks finally fights out and starts hitting some punches and begins a punch/kick comeback. Reks hits a springboard dropkick for two.
Reks is down in the corner and Burchill charges at him and gets rolled up for the pin.
Winner via pinfall: Tyler Reks
Reks is leaving the ring and Burchill attacks and knocks him off the apron.
It's now time for The Abraham Washington Show. His guests tonight will meet in the ECW Championship match at Night of Champions. They are the No. 1 contender Christian and "the man who will do anything for a Klondike Bar" ECW Champion Tommy Dreamer.
Washington starts out with a load of fat jokes about Dreamer (his butt has its own ZIP code, FYI). He then says Christian has a face made for radio. Christian tells him he has a show made for public access and jokes from 1991. Christian says when he and Dreamer team up, he is the speed, power and the technician. Washington immediately asks him to "hook a brother up with some free cable." I laughed.
Christian asks Dreamer if Dreamer retains the title at Night of Champions if he's going to start crying again. Dreamer gets up and says that's a real slap in the face. Christian then slaps him and says, no, that was a slap in the face.
Dreamer then returns the favor, knocking Christian down. They stare each other down and talk back and forth as we go off the air.
Matt Bishop can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Please include your name and hometown. Click here to follow Matt on Twitter. And if you're interested in mixed martial arts, check out Matt's weekly podcast -- Lights Out Radio. Should be a good one!.