WWE Superstars: Punk's heel turn continues
MATT MACKINDER - SLAM! Wrestling
Another Thursday, another four dud matches on WWE Superstars? We shall see.
Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler open the show, meaning Raw will jerk the curtain tonight. Good - maybe that leaves some sweet air time for ECW.
Match #1 - Santino Marella vs. The Brian Kendrick
Who's the face here? Who cares. Typical lazy and confusing WWE writing if you ask me. Oh wait, if I actually watch, I see it's Santino.
Pretty dull match until the end when a couple reverse roll-ups wind up with Kendrick in a sunset flip for the three-count.
Winner via pinfall: Santino Marella
Jim Ross and Todd Grisham are out to call the next match so, yes, ECW will be one of the last matches. That can only be a good thing. Are you reading this, people who write to me and say I'm insulting to fans these days? I'm saying I like the ECW brand. It's a breath of fresh air, I know.
Match #2 - John Morrison vs. Charlie Haas
Haas gets the jobber introduction and is called simply "Charlie Haas." No old-timer gimmicks here, which means we may get a straight-up wrestling match. Really? Incredible.
This is a decent match, too. Morrison is on the rise (I still don't think he's reached his peak) and Haas, I think, is still around to get guys over, but by still making himself look good doing it.
Morrison wins this quickie with his fancy-schmancy neckbreaker and then the corkscrew split-legged moonsault.
Winner via pinfall: John Morrison
Zack Ryder is in the back gearing up for the next bout.
Whatever happened to Curt Hawkins? He refused to come out to boy band music? Seriously, Ryder could have easily been a member of 3 Count back in the day, which shows you how much WWE writers look to the past for recycled storylines and gimmicks.
Matt Striker and Josh Matthews arrive for the ECW match.
Match #3 - Tyler Reks vs. Zack Ryder
Back-and-forth match that gets marred by Striker's history lesson on the term "tool."
I wish this match would have been given more time, but I guess we need to save 10-plus minutes for the main event.
Ryder wins with the Zack Attack - nothing more than a knee to the back of the head.
Winner via pinfall: Zack Ryder
We then get filler on how WWE wrestlers help kids learn to read. I personally think it's the other way around in that first graders help WWE talent to read. Just my opinion.
Christian is this week's montage. Then the recap of Monday Night Bore. I won't even go into detail on that. The show looked horrendous, except for the Evan Bourne-Randy Orton match.
Match #4 - CM Punk vs. Edge (non-title match)
Punk in control early and the crowd, oh sorry, "WWE Universe," seems quiet. Edge comes back with a kick to Punk's face and he immediately grabs his eye. Cue the commercial break.
Back from the advertising, Punk goes for the Go To Sleep, but Edge counters with a poke to the eye. Punk slumps in the corner and waves his arms that he wants to quit. The ref calls for the bell.
Winner via forfeit: Edge
Nosebleed interviews Punk in the ring and Punk whines about not being able to see. Then a "paramedic" hits the ring and shoves something in Punk's eye to see what the problem is. Honestly, the thing looked like a hair dryer. In any event, yes, four dud matches this week. Par for the course.
'Til next week, loyal SLAM! Wrestling readers!
Matt Mackinder filing two WWE TV reports in one week? Email your condolences to email@example.com.