July 1, 2009
ECW: Roster purge brings new names to show
By MATT MACKINDER - SLAM! Wrestling

ECW lost all of its stars in that ridiculous "trade" the other night, so is the show even worth watching? I doubt it, but we'll see.

With regular ECW reporter Matt Bishop out galivanting on the west coast, I'll be pinch-hitting tonight for a homecoming of sorts. Anyway, on with Tuesday Night Velocity.

Some blonde named Tiffany, the ECW General Manager, is in the ring saying this is a new era of ECW. The crowd seems excited, but maybe they're just checking out Tiffany.

Man oh man, are Josh Matthews and Matt Striker brutal together.

Match #1 - Shelton Benjamin vs. Yoshi Tatsu

Benjamin grabs the mic and mocks Tatsu with an Asian accent. The crowd laughs, but I cringe to think that this is "extreme." And who is this Tatsu guy? Nosebleed and Striker seem to reference his time in Japan, but don't say much.

Benjamin does the Sumo stance, then bows to Tatsu in more Japanese mockery, but Tatsu kicks Benjamin in the head and gets the quick pin. Yawn.

Winner via pinfall: Yoshi Tatsu

Another newbie, Abraham Washington (nice mix of two U.S. presidents, WWE writers), is in the back shaking hands with the ring crew and apparently, he has a new talk show coming up next with the Bella Twins.

Washington comes to the ring to game show music to host, what else, the Abraham Washington Show. He talks about The Bash and yaps on and on about other stuff, but the best part of this segment was the crowd throwing out a "What?" after every sentence. Abe asks the twins generic questions and at one point, it looks like the gals are going to throw down (Washington chirps "Oh snap!"), but they leave the ring with no brawl. This was basically a way to introduce this new guy, but this is wrestling. Can he wrestle? If he's been hired by WWE, odds are he was found in a fashion catalog and wrestling is all new to him.

Match #2 - Sheamus vs. Oliver John

Boy, WWE is breaking out all the ethnic stereotypes here. Sheamus has bright red hair and pasty-white skin to go along with the typical Irish accent.

Squash city here, folks, with Sheamus getting the win after a Rock Bottom-backbreaker maneuver. His theme music is pretty cool, though, with the opening lyrics saying something about it being a shame.

Winner via pinfall: Sheamus

Vladimir Kozlov and William Regal are backstage talking about their main event match with Tommy Dreamer and Christian. Typical dialogue here. Move ahead, readers.

The effeminate Zack Ryder and his hair are digging a mirror in the locker room when another new cat shows up, Tyler Rex (or is it Reks, Wrecks or Rexx?). Geez, another surfer dude? Nice creativity and originality, WWE. Rex tells Ryder he's his opponent this Thursday on WWE Superstars (a show I'll also be recapping for your reading pleasure) and then Ryder says "Woo woo woo, you know it." Man, WWE these days is absolutely horrible.

We then get a recap of Monday Night Raw and I really think this show is the worst on TV these days. Let's just say I'd rather watch a marathon of Caillou with my two sons. Well, I do that now, so I guess I made my point.

Dreamer and Christian are in the back and we get more generic conversation. The main event is next. Finally.

Match #3 - Tommy Dreamer & Christian vs. Vladimir Kozlov & William Regal

Christian and Regal start the match and we actually get wrestling holds and wrestling maneuvers. Amazing.

This match is actually entertaining. Yeah, I know, am I kidding? No, I'm not.

Back from a commercial break, Regal flings Christian into the ring steps and blind-tags himself into the ring to go with Dreamer. Dreamer misses a charge in the corner, Regal with the Exploder, but Kozlov returns the blind tag and pins the champ after his finishing slam.

Winners via pinfall: Vladimir Kozlov & William Regal

I guess at the end of the day, ECW is still the show that showcases the new talent, while still utilizing veterans in the doghouse for one reason or another.

And that's just fine.

'Til Thursday, loyal SLAM! Wrestling readers!

Matt Mackinder used to enjoy ECW. Used to. Now it's off to see how many NHL teams will overpay for oft-injured players. Email Matt your comments to mackindermedia@yahoo.com.

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