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RAW: The Trump Era ends quickly
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling


Let the Donald Trump era of Monday Night Raw begin! And it starts with refunds for everyone in attendance in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Uh-oh, that doesn’t bode well for this commercial free show. (Speaking of which, when are people supposed to go buy nachos? Wait, I’m sure The Miz has a match tonight.)

And the show starts off with a recap of last week, and then a new Donald-centric RAW intro.

Lillian Garcia introduces the new “owner” Donald Trump. (I put owner in quotes because some in the mainstream media still believe everything they read.) Trump says this is our show and announces he will refund everyone’s ticket at a cost of $245,000. (Which I knew thanks to Joey Styles’ Twitter feed. Follow Joey @WWEJoeyStyles.)

John Cena hits the ring and pimps the upcoming card. (The microphone placard says “Trump RAW." That is awesome.) Cena tips his cap to The Donald on his move of giving refunds. Cena then brings up The Miz and how he is trying to make a statement. Cena calls out Miz, who walks out on stage. Miz calls Cena a coward, so Cena asks him to come to the ring and say it. The Miz does, right to Cena’s face. Cena says he won’t knock out Miz’s teeth; instead he will give The Miz what he wants. The good news is The Miz will main event a pay-per-view at The Bash. The bad news, it’s with John Cena, a man who cannot be rattled. Cena calls The Miz a WWE never-was, instead of a reality TV has been. (And the crowd actually gets behind Cena.) The Miz punches Cena and runs off. Cena isn’t even fazed.

Vince McMahon is still on the show, doing skits. Vince is stranded on the side of the road with a broken down limo. Vince doesn’t like the driver’s suggestion on walking to the arena; instead Vince tries to ride the poor guy. Vince says he’ll wait in the car.

And here is the product placement. Jim Ross and Todd Grisham have a couple buckets of Kentucky Grilled Chicken at the announce table. (Technically it’s not a commercial.)

Match #1 – Jeff Hardy, The Great Khali and Rey Mysterio vs. Chris Jericho, Dolph Ziggler, and Edge

There are two things that don’t belong is this match. Here’s a hint, who has never held a WWE championship or World Heavyweight championship? (Actually did Khali ever hold one for a brief time? Where’s that SLAM! intern?)

World Heavyweight champion CM Punk joins Ross and Grisham at ringside, presumably to have some Kentucky Grilled Chicken.

Khali chops Jericho from the ring, then tosses Edge over. Ziggler soon follows. Jeff Hardy leaps over the top rope to take out all three, and then Mysterio leaps off of Khali’s shoulders to take out all three. Back in the ring, Mysterio nails Jericho with an enziguri, but Edge trips up the 619. (And Punk finally mentions the Kentucky Grilled Chicken!) I think Jericho hit the Codebreaker on Khali, and Edge followed with a spear, but I couldn’t tell. Anyway, Mysterio hits a double 619 on Jericho and Edge. Hardy takes advantage and hits the Swanton on Ziggler to pick up the win.

Winner via pinfall: Jeff Hardy, The Great Khali and Rey Mysterio

CM Punk tries to pose with Hardy in the ring, but Hardy wants no part of it.

Vince finally makes it to RAW, but he can’t get into the Don’s office. Vince is greeted by Santina Marella. Vince slaps her hand away. Vince tries the door again, and Donald answers. Trump says this is now his office, while Vince’s is down the hall. Trump turns to Santina, looks her over and says, ”You’re fired!” Santino runs up and can’t believe it, but just shrugs his shoulders saying she had a good run.

Don’t worry, King and Cole also have their own Kentucky Grilled Chicken.

Match #2 – Primo Colon w/ Carlito vs. Cody Rhodes w/ Ted Dibiase

Primo is dropped on the ropes and Cody follows up with a bulldog. Primo is tossed over the ropes and tries to skin the cat, but Rhodes knocks him to the mat. Primo catches Rhodes with a head scissors and follows with a drop kick and a back elbow. Primo tries a jack knife cover, but Rhodes kicks out. Primo telegraphs a move and Cody kicks him in the face, then hits a side Russian leg sweep. Primo kicks out, and then connects on a flying cross body. Cody rolls through and grabs the tights to get the three count.

Winner via pinfall: Cody Rhodes

Vince walks through the locker room and runs into Goldust and Hornswoggle. Goldie wants to give his wig to Trump, but he wants to try it on another billionaire. Vince tosses the wig aside, and then finds his office. The second stall from the left in the men’s room. Festus walks out of the stall with the Wall Street Journal in hand. Vince isn’t amused.

Match #3 – Triple H vs. Randy Orton – Last Man Standing WWE Title Match

Triple H beats Orton down in the corner, and lays him out with a clothesline. Orton is then tossed shoulder first into the ring post. Hunter continues the assault with a spinebuster, but Orton counters the Pedigree and flings Trips over the ring post. Hunter may have hurt himself, but he is still able to clothesline Orton on the outside and toss him into the security barrier. Hunter attacks Orton in the crowd, but the champ is able to toss Hunter back over the barrier. Orton rams the ring steps into HHH, and the ref starts to count. Hunter gets to his feet and gets back in the ring. Orton goes to work on the leg of HHH and beats him down in the corner. Orton continues to target the injured leg. Hunter rolls away from another knee drop, but is pulled into the corner and has his leg slammed into the post. Orton grabs a chair, but HHH kicks it back into Orton’s face. The champ recovers and drills Hunter in the head with the chair, and then starts to dissect the announce table. Hunter nails a low blow to counter the RKO, but Orton counters a pedigree with an RKO on the table, which does not break. With both men down, the ref starts to count. Orton gets up at six, and Hunter answers the bell at nine. Orton charges and HHH back drops him onto the table. And the count starts again. Both men get up by 8, and Hunter has a monitor in hand which ends up upside Orton’s skull.

The two men fight up the ramp, and Hunter connects with a spinebuster on the steel. Orton counters the Pedigree on the ramp with a back body drop. Hunter gets to his feet at a count of nine. Triple H blocks an RKO, shoving Orton over a barrier. Hunter gets himself a ladder, but Orton ducks and he drills several WWE employees. Orton grabs the ladder and hits the injured leg from behind. Orton sandwiches the leg in the ladder and kicks away at it. Orton sets the ladder up and drags Hunter to his feet. Triple H blocks the RKO off the ladder and responds with a Pedigree. Both men are down. Orton is motionless as Triple H tries to use the ladder to get to his feet, but the ladder buckles as the ref counts ten.

Double count out

Hunter is helped up, but he still gets in one more shot on Orton.

The Miz is still trying to get with Maryse. She wants Miz to do something impressive to Cena for him to have a shot with her. He still fails.

Donald Trump makes his way to the ring with Maria and Eve in tow. The Donald sings his own praises about tonight’s show, and then announces he will not be appointing a General Manager. Instead, every week there will be a celebrity host. Vince finally makes his way to the ring, and he has heard enough. Vince doesn’t get that he sold RAW, so he really has no say over what Trump does. Vince is concerned that he will lose money, but Trump owns it, so what does it matter? Trump says he could double what he paid for RAW, any time. Vince thinks he is getting played, and admits Trump is smarter, and wants to buy RAW back at the same price. Trump has no interest in that deal. Vince raises his offer by 25%. Trump says no deal. Vince goes up to 50% over cost. Trump keeps shooting him down, and Vince offers double the money. Trump takes the offer, and Vince buys the show back. McMahon tells Trump to get out and then utters, “You’re fired!” Trump smacks Vince, and then the bodyguards jump in to separate the two. (Personally, I think Trump should have held out for a bucket of that delicious Kentucky Grilled Chicken.)

In the back, Vince tells DiBiase and Rhodes to hit the bricks and leave the arena. Vince tells Orton he will face Triple H at The Bash in a two-out-of-three falls match, each with a different stipulation. Vince calls it the three stages of hell.

Match #4 – Mickie James, Brie Bella and Nikki Bella vs. Beth Phoenix, Maryse, and Rosa Mendes

And Cole makes another Kentucky Grilled Chicken reference! Mickie James connects on a superkick to Rosa Mendes when Maryse refuses to get in the ring to face her.

Winner via pinfall: Mickie James and the Bella Twins

And we reach the telethon portion of the show. Operators are standing by, call in now for The Bash!

Match #5 – The Big Show vs. John Cena

Big Show draws Cena out of the ring and drops him over the security barrier. Back in the ring, Show connects with a spear and steps on Cena’s throat. Show punches Cena in the gut, and then chops him in the corner. Cena fights back, but is picked up and dropped onto his face. Cena tries a shoulder block and just bounces off Show. Cena gets a headlock applied, but Show breaks the hold with a suplex. Cena dodges a corner charge but can't dodge the big fist. Shoe follows with a big leg drop but can't get the three count. Cena is whipped into the corner but blocks a kick from Show. Cena drops a leg off the top rope onto the back of Show’s neck and connects with the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Show quickly rises and delivers a choke slam. Cena kicks out. Show climbs to the middle turnbuckle and splashes onto Cena. Show is looking for the Camel Clutch, but Cena escapes and locks in the STF. The Miz jumps onto the apron, and Cena breaks the hold. Cena sets up the Attitude Adjustment, but Miz pushes Show over. Shoe falls onto Cena and covers for the win.

Winner via pinfall: The Big Show

The Miz then stands over Cena, taunting him.

Randy Orton is walking to his car when he is attacked from behind by Triple H. Orton is stuffed into the trunk, and Hunter slams the gate on his head. Hunter tells Orton this is not over by a long shot.

Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Dale really enjoyed not having matches interrupted by commercials, but the commentary was a little fowl with all that chicken. Follow Dale on Twitter @DPlummer627