June 18, 2009
WWE Superstars: More Thursday night boredom
By MATT MACKINDER - SLAM! Wrestling
Forget Chris Jericho. Can the Colons save WWE Superstars tonight? My intuition laughs at that notion.
Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler kick off the show with the Raw portion of tonight's gonger. And what an abomination it is.
Match #1 - Santino Marella vs. Chavo Guerrero
Marella takes the mic, says something hateful towards Chavo in his accent, and then Chavo makes his entrance. And boy, are the sarcastic words being hurled towards Vickie Guerrero.
Not sure who the heel is and who the face is, but I'm not sure anyone really cares. Santino goes for a splash off the top, takes a boot to the face and Chavito gets the quick pin.
Winner via pinfall: Chavo Guerrero
Odd ending, but hey, this is the WWE we're talking about here.
The Raw Rebound highlights the show from this past Monday. Looks like it was nothing special. Donald Trump?!?
ECW's match is next and guess what? It's a squash - featuring Zack Ryder. Wonderful. Nosebleed says it's Ryder's first match on the show and Balls Striker corrects him a second time saying it's his third.
Match #2 - Zack Ryder vs. Mike Williams
The New Kids On The Block get discussed and the well-documented (at least on this site) lack of chemistry is just brutal between Bald Nosebleed and Striker.
Ryder wins with something called the Zack Attack. It's kind of a reverse Playmaker. I think.
Winner via pinfall: Zack Ryder
Maria is backstage and she's the guest referee for the next match. Ugh. A Divas match. And Jim Ross and Todd Grisham will call it.
Match #3 - Eve Torres vs. Layla
Apparently, these two have a history. I won't waste my time detailing this match, but Eve wins with a handspring moonsault-type move.
Winner via pinfall: Eve Torres
The two shake hands after the match. Great.
Edge is this week's filler montage. Just more highlights we've seen about a thousand times.
Match #4 - Christian & The Colons vs. Jack Swagger & The Hart Dynasty w/ Natalya
A fourth match? Really? How can this be happening inside of an hour, and an ECW match at that???
I hate that Matt Striker uses these big words that most uneducated WWE fans have no clue as to what they mean. Being he's an ECW guy, that's extreme. Oooohhhh.
A typical six-man tag that sees a commercial break with Primo down in the heel's corner. And then another Donald Trump commercial. The WWE is desperate these days. Back from break, Primo continues to get manhandled until he and Tyson Kidd clothesline each other. Carlito gets the tag and gets a near-fall. Christian and Swagger take out each other, Primo and Harry do the same and then Carlito nails the Backstabber on Kidd for the duke.
Winners via pinfall: Christian & The Colons
Another Thursday, another hour I wish I could have back.
'Til next week, loyal SLAM! Wrestling readers!