May 21, 2009
WWE Superstars: Swagger ruins ECW title match
By MATT MACKINDER - SLAM! Wrestling
This week's edition of WWE Superstars looks decent with CM Punk taking on Chris Jericho and Tommy Dreamer challenging Christian for the ECW championship.
Sounds good, but can WWE deliver? We shall see.
Josh Matthews and Matt Striker are on the air, signifying our opening match is from Tuesday Night Velocity for the oversized silver title belt.
Match #1 - Christian vs. Tommy Dreamer (ECW championship match)
Both wrestlers come to the ring and Tony Chimel does the in-ring introductions. Nice, but can't the ring announcers introduce the Canadians properly? Just a pet peeve, but "Toronto, Canada" would be like saying I'm from "Detroit, United States." OK, I'm done. You get my point.
It sounds like a library in the arena in the opening moments of this match that has its share of restholds. There's even a lot of dead air between Nosebleed and Striker. And, showing that WWE writers simply follow a template, the action goes to the floor and we go to a commercial break. Honestly, people, interject some freaking excitement into your product.
Back in the ring from break, Dreamer is targeting Christian's knee. More dead air from our broadcasters. And to think - this stuff is edited, too. Sheesh.
A couple of plodding near-falls make the match look legit, but the dead air is too noticeable. Jack Swagger hits the ring and the ref calls for the bell. Striker then explains then when a competitor not involved in the match enters the ring, that signals a disqualification. Hey Matt, do you also want to tell the viewers that a pin is when one wrestler holds the other's shoulders down for a referee's count of three?
Match result: No Contest
Christian and Dreamer double-up on Swagger with a clothesline over the top rope. Dreamer and Christian then have a tug of war with the ECW belt. Seriously, it looked like a pair of three-year-olds. A brutal ending to a brutal match. The crowd booing was bang-on.
A video montage hyping Swagger serves as filler to Matthews backstage with Y2J. The typical heel interview here. Jericho cuts down Matthews and comes off as a bully using words like "propaganda" and "popularity" in chirping Punk. He even calls the fans "tapeworms" I think. Again, who writes this garbage?
Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler are out to call the next match.
Match #2 - Kofi Kingston vs. William Regal
Cole calls this a "high-profile match." Excuse me while I'll hit the men's room.
Nothing special here. Each goes through their routine of moves.
Regal pulls know a kneepad and goes for a running knee, but Kofi beats him to the punch and nails the Trouble In Paradise spinning kick for the duke.
Winner via pinfall: Kofi Kingston
Next, we get the rundown on the mess between WWE and the mess with the Pepsi Center in Denver. If you don't know, don't worry about it, but apparently, Vince McMahon is going to "call out" Denver Nuggets owner Stan Kroenke next Monday in Los Angeles. Exciting (that was supposed to be laced with sarcasm).
Todd Grisham and Jim Ross get set for our main event that has the potential to be good, if not for the fact it's been done before.
Match #3 - CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho
Not too shabby to start. Punk goes for the GTS early, but as J.R. has said no less than 3,417 times over the years, "he had that move well-scouted." Jericho gets the advantage and the script says we have to pay some bills. Cool - just 12 more minutes in this show.
The crowd seems to come alive and for these guys, they should. Punk gets a near-fall after a bulldog and then another after a flying bodypress. They then trade two-counts after enziguiris.
Jericho fights out of another GTS attempt into a Walls of Jericho attempt. Punk, however, counters the move into a small package for the surprise pin.
Winner via pinfall: CM Punk
Jericho sneaks back in the ring and lays out Punk with the Codebreaker. He stands over Punk as 9:00 p.m. is upon us and this show is history.
WWE Superstars continues to show it's a "do-nothing" show whose only purpose is to try and get a higher rating than TNA iMPACT! and ECW on Sci-Fi.
'Til next week, loyal SLAM! Wrestling readers!