WWE Superstars another subpar effort
MATT MACKINDER - SLAM! Wrestling
Trust me, people, I'm really trying to find something positive about WWE being on four days a week. The third show of the week, WWE Superstars, has been dull the first four weeks of its run and that trend continues tonight.
At least tonight's show starts off right away with a match and not a 20-minute in-ring interview, er, promo. John Morrison joins Jim Ross and Todd Grisham at ringside for the opening bout.
Match #1 - Rey Mysterio vs. Shelton Benjamin
Where's Gorilla Monsoon to say that this match could be a main event anywhere in the country?
Some mat action starts out, yet no mention is made of the match containing actual wrestling. Because we'd rather listen to Morrison rag on Benjamin.
Rey hits a hurricanrana on the floor and has the match in control for a while. He goes for a 619, but takes a knee from Benjamin that knocks him outside and that's the cue for a commercial. Don't we ever get commercial breaks when the action is still in the ring?
Back from break, the match seems to drag until Mysterio hits the 619 and gets the pin after his suicide dive that some call a splash.
Winner via pinfall: Rey Mysterio
Benjamin confronts Morrison after the match, but eats a right hand for his efforts to go 0-for-2 on the night.
Mark Henry is gearing up in the back with Tony Atlas. Good Lord. He's up next.
Our weekly filler this week features Batista and that segues into Matt Striker, Josh Matthews and his box of tissue to call the next match.
Match #2 - Christian vs. Mark Henry
Whenever Henry smiles, he could be legally blind. I never knew your cheeks could totally cover up your eyes, but I guess that's what makes him the supposed World's Strongest Man.
The match is nothing more than Henry executing power moves, but ending up on the floor and the obligatory commercial. I swear, my two kids could write this nonsense.
Henry charges in the corner, takes a boot, Christian goes for a sunset flip, Henry plops down with nobody home and a high (low?) cross body later as Henry is on his can and Christian gets the pin in a solid half-star match.
Winner via pinfall: Christian
Hornswoggle and The Big Show are warming up backstage for the ever-so-intriguing main event.
Show's dominance against John Cena takes up a lot of the waning minutes of the show.
Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler call the next match that I hope has some kind of a swerve and nothing too bogus.
Match #3 - Hornswoggle vs. The Big Show
The match never really starts as Show picks him up and teases chucking him into the crowd. Show then lays on the mat and invites Hornswoggle to hit the Tadpole Splash, only to roll out of the way. Show then puts Hornswoggle on the top turnbuckle and clenches his fist until...Goldust's music hits and he runs down only to get his clock cleaned. Goldust was the best the "creative team" could come up with? Seriously? Gold-freaking-dust???
Winner via DQ: The Big Show
Hornswoggle consoles Dustin as the show comes to an end, sadly, just until next Thursday night.
'Til next week, loyal SLAM! Wrestling readers!
Matt Mackinder wishes this show would feature jobbers from the good ol' days like Jim Evans, Mario Mancini, Iron Mike Sharpe, Terry Gibbs, George South, Barry Horowitz, Tiger Chung Lee, Tom Stone, Major Yates and Reno Riggins. Email Matt at firstname.lastname@example.org.