December 16, 2008
Raw: Legacy building in Pittsburgh
By NICK TYLWALK - SLAM! Wrestling
Raw comes to us from Pittsburgh as we celebrate the arrival of new WWE Champion Jeff Hardy. What’s that? That’s the other show? In that case, World Heavyweight Champion John Cena looks forward to his next challenge as we go live to The Igloo.
Match 1 – Kelly Kelly and Melina vs. Beth Phoenix and Jillian
We head right into the action – kind of – with a Diva tag team match. Phoenix’s beau Santino Marella is on hand as well. Kelly Squared wins the short match by pinning Jillian, but that’s not the interesting part. Just as the heels gather to give Kelly a beating, Kane comes down the ramp and sends them scurrying. The monster offers his hand to help Kelly up, but she freaks out and heads to the back with Kane in hot pursuit. No pun intended.
Kane shoves aside Jamie Noble backstage and finally catches up to Kelly, who’s cowering in a corner. Sayeth Kane: “We need to talk!”
Match 2 – Rey Mysterio vs. Deuce
Cody Rhodes and Manu join the announcers to watch. We soon learn why, as Deuce announces that he is the son of former great Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka, and wants to be announced by his real name, Sim Snuka, from here on out. He handles himself well, but things eventually turn in Mysterio’s favor. The other second-generation wrestlers get involved, ending the match early. As Rey tries to retreat up the ramp, Mike Knox appears from behind and ambushes him. This storyline is just in its infancy and I’m already tired of it.
There’s less than 10 shopping days until Christmas, and D-Generation X knows it! Shawn Michaels and Triple H are back to push more gear, including DX shirts and hoodies so you can dress in layers on those brisk days. There’s also a Triple H King of Kings Bear and a Michaels Village People Bear. According to HHH, you push the button and all of the bear’s hair falls out. Time to move on…
Kane and Kelly finally have that discussion she didn’t want to have. Kane wants to know if she felt something last week, because he did. She says they were only presenting awards, and an angry Kane responds that if she’s leading him on, she can leave right now. Kelly doesn’t make it to the door before it gets slammed shut, meaning we’re probably not done with this yet.
Randy Orton complains to Todd Grisham that he made a rematch challenge to Batista and never received an answer. When the man himself shows up with that answer, Orton slaps him and runs off. Batista gives chase only to be jumped by Rhodes and Manu on the ramp. Just when things look grim for our hero, Cena runs out and evens the odds. Because that’s what good guys do.
Batista thanks Cena for the save, and the champ says it was his pleasure because he intended on getting back at Priceless after he was done dealing with Chris Jericho. About that… but Batista never gets to finish that thought, because Todd Grisham interrupts to announce that Stephanie McMahon has booked the two faces in a handicap match against Orton, Rhodes and Manu later tonight.
Match 3- Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs. Chris Jericho
Uh-oh. Jericho is in a suit. The 2008 Superstar of the Year states that he’s refusing to wrestle tonight, because he has no intentions of lowering himself to Duggan’s level. Jericho says he won’t wrestle again unless it’s a championship match or something worthy of someone of his caliber.
Back to Kane and Kelly again. Kelly says she does not want to get to know Kane better, leaving the Big Jealous Machine to deduce that there is someone else. Who is it? Kane vows that he’ll get her to tell. Apparently she cracks during the commercial break, as Kelly ends up begging Kane not to hurt him. I smell a set-up.
Match 4 – CM Punk and Kofi Kingston vs. John Morrison and The Miz – World Tag Team Title Match
This one sees some very nice double team moves on both sides. Punk ends up absorbing most of the damage after a commercial break, but Kingston gets the hot tag and unloads. Morrison rallies with a springboard kick to the head, forcing Punk to slide in from the outside to make the save. Morrison hits the Moonlight Drive on Kingston and covers him for three. There’s no time to celebrate though, as Kane makes another appearance. He teases going after Punk before turning and planting Miz with a chokeslam and a Tombstone piledriver.
Some of the Pittsburgh Steelers are in attendance. Their seats are pretty good. That gives them a good view when JBL enters the ring to play some video from Armageddon that features Michaels explaining why he’s working for Layfield. Read this report for more details. It’s a good segment.
Helpful Divas Candice Michelle and Mickie James check on Kelly and also ask why she didn’t tell them she was seeing The Miz. Her response: “The Miz? Are you serious?” Kane won’t be happy about that. Considering he once feuded with someone over a coffee spill, this is likely to be a lot worse when he finds out he’d been had.
Match 5 – Dolph Ziggler vs. Santa Claas
No, I didn’t misspell that. This Santa is another alter ego for Charlie Haas, although he still passes out presents to the good boys and girls in the audience. Ziggler unleashes some anger on the jolly old man, but Haas eventually takes off his beard and gets down to business. It doesn’t matter in the end, as Ziggler puts Santa down for the count with a move that will undoubtedly have its own name soon. Also, is it bad that they are pushing tickets for tomorrow night’s Smackdown taping in Baltimore?
Coming January 6, it’s Behind Enemy Lines: Colombia on DVD and Blu-ray! Actually, it may not be coming on Blu-ray. In any case, I regret that I am not talented enough to do justice to how unintentionally hilarious the footage from this movie has been. Suffice it to say that we will probably pre-screen future SLAM! Wrestling intern candidates by showing them this film and seeing if they can still communicate coherently when it’s over.
Cryme Tyme finds Duggan backstage and simply tells him, “It’s time,” before leading him away. Pimp my Duggan? Oh yeah! Elsewhere, Steph summons Jericho and reads him the riot act for refusing to perform. He counters that if she was a good boss, she’d know that Batista’s rematch clause has expired. Turns out she already knew that and has a plan to determine the number one contender for Cena’s belt: the top eight candidates (supposedly all former champions) will compete in singles matches next week, followed by a Fatal Four-Way the week after. Got all that? She also warns Jericho not to make a fool of himself and the show on national TV again. Hey, don’t you mean international TV?
Orton chastises the boys from Priceless for their ineptitude over the past 24 hours. He says they need to be successful in everything they do, or this group, this Legacy, will be over. Hmm…
Main Event – Batista and John Cena vs. Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes and Manu
Batista is introduced first and has to stand around during the commercial break. All five men work in the early going before another commercial. Cena takes a tag and does something with it, hitting the Five Knuckle Shuffle on Manu and hoisting him up for an FU. Rhodes makes the save while Orton has the ref distracted. Cena ends up taking a bunch of abuse but finally makes the hot tag to Batista. He plants Rhodes with a spinebuster, but Orton hurls Manu into him and hits an RKO. Cena falls prey to the numbers game on the outside, and the ref calls for the bell since things are now completely out of hand. Orton nails Batista with his patented running punt to the head. Cena recovers in time to rush to Batista’s aid, but the damage has already been done, and Legacy stand triumphant on the ramp as the show fades out.
Nick Tylwalk is glad Kane hasn’t discovered that he is Kelly Kelly’s secret boyfriend. Send advice on where to hide to firstname.lastname@example.org.