Saturday Night's Main Event a decent showing
MATT MACKINDER - SLAM! Wrestling
Jim Ross and Jerry “The King” Lawler reunite for Saturday Night’s Main Event. Hey, it’s better than nothing, right? Tonight’s show is hyped as an autism awareness night with an appearance by Jenny McCarthy to promote Generation Rescue.
World Heavyweight champ CM Punk joins J.R. and The King on commentary as we get right to the ring in Washington, D.C. Yes folks, no 20-minute promo to start this show.
Match # 1 – John Cena, Cryme Tyme and Batista vs. John “Bradshaw” Layfield, Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase and Kane
Batista and Kane start out and J.R. is amazed Batista can snap mare Kane. Shad Gaspard shows some power by pressing Rhodes and before we go to a commercial, Shad is down in JBL’s corner. Back from break, Shad is taking it from all sides and JBL nearly gets a pin after a series of elbows.
Cena gets the hot tag and goes to work on JBL. Seven of eight men end up in the ring and DiBiase eats a Batista spinebuster. JTG wants the tag from Cena and Cena heaves JTG onto the prone illegal DiBiase with a rocket launcher. The ref won’t count the pin in a move we don’t see a lot. JBL sneaks back in and a Clothesline From Hell later wins it.
Winners via pinfall: JBL, Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase and Kane
The Great Nothing, er, Khali, is walking backstage with the returning Ranjin Singh. Why this guy continues to get pushed is beyond me, but then again, I don’t have Freddie Prinze, Jr.’s credentials to be able to make those decisions.
Jeff Foxworthy is up next and gives us facts on autism. Sadly, no “You Might Be A Redneck” jokes here. Bummer. Carmen Electra also chimes in. She’s hot and she can read cue cards. Impressive.
Match # 2 – Jimmy Wang Yang vs. The Great Khali w/ Ranjin Singh
Yang is already in the ring and his post-suspension jobber duty continues. A “You Can’t Wrestle” chant breaks out and I join in. As would most people. A tree slam ends it in about a minute.
Winner via pinfall: The Great Khali
Ben Stiller pimps the fight against autism next.
Jenny McCarthy is out next and enters to a silent arena. People came to see bad wrestling and boring skits. She’s out on the stage for about 45 seconds, mentions her autism fight and that’s all she wrote. Literally.
The Edge-Vickie Guerrero wedding gong show is recapped and I vomit. We all know the storyline here and it would be so much better if Vickie was a mute.
Match # 3 – Jeff Hardy vs. Edge
The crowd comes alive for Hardy. J.R. and The King discuss Edge’s personal life. Yawn. The match is pretty decent. Hardy goes for a flip move on Edge against the security wall and misses. J.R. wonders if Hardy can continue and then ref Jim Korderas asks Hardy the same thing. After paying some bills, Edge is in control on the mat in the ring working on Jeff’s leg and knee.
Hardy gets in some offense, but gets a Twist of Fate countered into the Impaler for a two-count. Edge misses a spear, but stops himself from hitting the turnbuckles. Hardy nails the Whisper In The Wind for another near-fall. Edge ends up on the floor after missing another spear and MVP appears out of nowhere with a boot to Hardy’s head (as Hardy was hanging out of the ring) that the ref, of course, doesn’t see as he’s counting Edge. A third attempt at a spear finds the mark and Edge wins.
Winner via pinfall: Edge
Edge heads to the back looking psychotic. I would, too, if I had to kiss Vickie.
Not a good night for the faces. For all the hype over the autism awareness, not much was done once the show started. Maybe WWE wasn’t the best outlet. At least we got two decent matches and a squash for our fourth night of WWE this week.
Matt Mackinder is stunned no ECW talent was on the show, but says we can do without Mark Henry, his size 72 ECW title belt and Saba Simba, rather Tony Atlas. Agree? Email Matt at email@example.com.