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Smackdown: One long wedding reception
By MATT BISHOP - SLAM! Wrestling


Tonight on Friday Night Smackdown!: Edge and Vickie Guerrero get back together after a one week hiatus. After becoming a married couple earlier in the day, the wedding reception played out during the show -- with Triple H having a big surprise for them at the end. Should be a good one!

Smackdown! comes to us tonight from, Charlotte, N.C. WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross and "The Hardcore Legend" Mick Foley are our hosts. This show is presented in WWEHD (TV-PG,V).

Earlier today, white-clad Edge and Vickie Guerrero exchanged "I Do" with each other. Ladies and gentlemen, your NEW Mr. and Mrs. Edge! Tonight, it's the wedding reception. On stage are Curt Hawkins, Zack Ryder, Bam Neely and the wedding planner. Justin Roberts introduces the best man, Chavo Guerrero to his theme music. Then Roberts brings out the bride and groom to a rousing ovation -- from the wedding party.

Chavo begins his big speech, telling Vickie she found a keeper in Edge while Edge is the brother he's never had. He says he's blessed to have seen their love blossom and grow.

Edge gets on the mic and makes some innuendos before kicking off the show.

Match #1 - Finlay & Hornswaggle (Belfast, Northern Ireland) vs. Curt Hawkins & Zach Ryder (Long Island, N.Y.)

Edge gets on the mic after Finlay enters the ring and says they cheat every week. He says Hawkins and Ryder are too smart for that, as is another person, the special guest referee for the upcoming contest -- himself. All three men come down the ramp in their tuxes.

Finlay drives Hawkins to the corner but Edge physically removes him. Finlay ties up Hawkins again, but Edge again pulls him off.

Edge tries to manhandle Hornswaggle but he gets away. Finlay puts Edge up for the Celtic Cross, but he is saved. Edge then hits Finlay with a spear and it's academic from there.

Winners via pinfall: Curt Hawkins & Zack Ryder

The trio make their way back to the top of the ramp where Roberts immediately introduces the new couple for their first dance, complete with actual singers. My Cheese-O-Metre is running off the charts here.

It drags on until The Big Show makes his way out and cuts in, wanting a dance with Vickie. Edge cuts the music and tells Show he has a match coming up next, but doesn't know who his opponents are.

(Ads)

Match #2 - The Big Show (Tampa, Fla.) vs. Shelton Benjamin (Orangeburg, S.C.), Montel Vontavious Porter (Miami, Fla.), Vladimir Kozlov (Moscow, Russia) & The Great Khali (Punjab, India)

Khali wants a piece of Show when nobody else does, blind-tagging himself into the ring and shoving Show, drawing a reaction from the crowd. Show gets Khali down and the others hit the ring, drawing a DQ. Khali hits the chop, Shelton a nice roundhouse kick, MVP a running head kick and then Kozlov hits his running headbutt. Khali finishes it off with two-hand chokeslam.

Winner via disqualification: The Big Show

Later tonight, Jeff Hardy takes on his brother, the United States Heavyweight Champion, Matt Hardy.

(Ads)

Vickie is in the ring to a chorus of boos. Unfortunately for the wedding party, their cheers aren't drowning out the thousands in attendance. (Foley: It sounds like they're trying to boo her out of the building.)

Outside the ring, Vickie has gathered all the bachelorettes to throw the bouquet. Out of nowhere, Michelle McCool attacks Natalya, drawing a great "EXCUSE ME!" from Vickie. Hawkins and Ryder come corral McCool and drag her to the back.

Vickie makes the throw and it's grabbed by Cherry. Vickie says it might seem a little mean, but she thought Cherry would never get married. Because she caught it, it entitles her to a match against her tonight, but first, she has to face Natalya.

Match #3 - Cherry (Other Side of the Tracks) vs. Natalya (Calgary, Alberta)

With both women in dresses, Natalya locks in the most interesting Sharpshooter ever for the win.

Winner via submission: Natalya

In true heel fashion ...

Match #4 - Cherry (Other Side of the Tracks) vs. Vickie Guerrero (Toronto, Ontario)

Since Vickie and Edge are married now, Vickie should probably be billed from Toronto, eh?

Anyway, Vickie runs over and makes the cover. Time of match: Four seconds.

Winner via pinfall: Vickie Guerrero

(Ads)

Match #5 - Jimmy Wang Yang (Austel, Ga.) vs. Brian Kendrick (Venice, Calif.)

(Foley: Jimmy Wang Yang looks really rested, doesn't he, JR?)

Kendrick comes out in new garb and is joined by a rather large man named "Ezekiel".

Yang goes to the top for a moonsault but is distracted by Ezekiel. Kendrick pulls him down and follows it with Sliced Bread No. 2 for the win.

Winner via pinfall: Brian Kendrick

(Ads)

Match #6 - Mr. Kennedy (Green Bay, Wis.) vs. Umaga (Isle of Samoa)

Umaga works a heck of a nerve hold on Kennedy. Kennedy is almost out of it, but referee Charles Robinson takes a while to check the arm. The arm goes down twice, but doesn't go for the third time as Kennedy fires out of the move with elbows to the gut. Umaga, though, hit a Samoan Drop to regain the edge.

(Ads)

Kennedy goes to scoop Umaga up for a bodyslam, but he buckles under the weight. Umaga goes back to the nerve hold once again. He gets out but walks right into a uppercut. Umaga goes to the second rope, looking for a headbutt, but Kennedy moves and follows up with some punches and is able to move out of the way of an Umaga splash, sending the big man head first into the ring post.

Kennedy goes for the Mic Check, but Umaga stays out of it and hits the Samoan Spike for the win.

Winner via pinfall: Umaga

(Ads)

Match #7 - John Morrison (Los Angeles, Calif.) & The Miz (Cleveland, Ohio) vs. Jesse & Festus (Parts Unknown)

The bell rings and Morrison and Miz are nowhere to be found, for obvious reasons.

Festus finally gets in the ring and hits Miz with two huge right hands and a flying shoulderblock. He follows that up with the Flying Biscuit. Festus makes the tag to Jesse, who has his pin broken up by Morrison. Festus takes exception to this and throws Morrison outside, but ends up eating some post.

Festus eventually takes Morrison out on the mat, but inside, Miz hits the Reality Check on Jesse.

Winners via pinfall: John Morrison & The Miz

(Ads)

Match #8 - Jeff Hardy (Cameron, N.C.) vs. Matt Hardy (Cameron, N.C.)

I don't think I've ever seen two opponents come out together before. I soon find out why, as Matt and Jeff pick up the wedding cake and throw it at Chavo.

(Ads)

We're back and the wedding party is quite angry about what transpired before the break. For now, they do nothing.

Of course, this is a match of one-upsmanship and mutual respect. Jeff gets the first big move in with Whisper in the Wind. Jeff tries to skin the cat, but once he gets back in, Matt clotheslines him to the outside for real.

Matt calls for the Twist of Fate, but turns it into a guillotine choke in full guard. It doesn't last long, though, as Jeff slams him into the corner. Jeff hits the Side Effect and climbs to the top for the Swanton Bomb but Matt rolls out of the way.

Matt goes to the top for himself and hits a moonsault, but before he can cover, the entire male wedding party hits the ring and starts to put the boots to the Hardys. Edge hits a spear on both of them and leaves them laying.

This match is a No Contest?

(Ads)

The wedding party has now relocated to the ring, with Edge and Vickie sitting on stools in the middle of the ring.

Edge says he's never understood why people say their wedding day is the happiest day of their life until now. He professes his love for Vickie and says he's had the "great Smackdown! production team" put together a video for her.

Again the Cheese-O-Metre is off the charts on this one. OK, I take that back, this is classic. It shows them in a park with Edge pushing Vickie around in a tire swing. Then the two on a teeter-totter. Vickie blows a kiss to Edge and he catches it. This is followed up by a carving of "E + V" with a heart around it on the wooden playscape. Of course, the rest of the video is garbage, but at least it had some quality comedy in it.

Naturally, when the video ends, out comes everyones favorite wedding-ruiner, Triple H, and he has a big, long, white box under his arm.

Much to my delight, Triple H informs that he is not here to say he is secretly married to Vickie Guerrero. He's here to celebrate true love. With that in mind, he's brought some gifts. Triple H says he's made a video of his own and it's special in its own way and it truly expresses the love that Edge feels for Vickie.

HHH sends us to a hidden camera video of Edge fiddling around with a magazine on a couch. Someone knocks on the door and Edge pops in a breath mint and welcomes in the wedding planner, Alicia Fox. She asks where Vickie is and he is all over the place. While she is talking, Edge is acting creepier and creepier. Triple H halts the video and says Edge is not happy. He says this part is a bit boring, so he takes it to the good stuff.

Edge is handling a white rose and says it symbolizes purity and his love for Vickie. He says he's very attracted to scents and smells the flower. He asks her about her scent and goes on about it. He then puts his hand on her shoulder and onto her back but plays it off as his "trapezoid" locking up. (Ha!). He parlays this into a massage. She says "it seems to be getting looser" and Edge replies with "I think it's getting stiffer."

Triple H cuts it off again and Edge says it's because he's had neck surgery. Edge says he's sick and tired of it. He sends Hawkins, Ryder, Neely and Chavo to get him, but Triple H said he anticipated this and pulls out what was in the box -- Sweet Lady Sledge. That stops them in their tracks and he sends it back to the video.

Now Edge is massaging her and found a knot. He says he could get to it better if she wasn't wearing a bra. She's not too responsive of this, so Edge relays a story about how he went Fredricks of Hollywood to search for bras and lingerie for Vickie. When he went to inquire about Vickie's size, the clerk told him to go to Lane Bryant, "because I guess that's (for) bigger people." Edge then makes fun of how huge Vickie's panties are. Triple H cuts it off again for commentary. He says he's embarrassed and that he didn't watch it before he made it. He says it kills gift No. 3 (he pulls out a pair of very large panties) and says since Edge has that covered, he can always park his car under them.

He sends it back to the video with the two becoming increasingly close. Edge puts his hand on her knee. He tells her how attractive she is while rubbing her leg. He takes her glasses off and goes in for a kiss. She says she's going to get out of there, but Edge has her stay and goes in for a kiss just about as creepily as you possibly could. They lock lips and she pulls away, but then they attack each other and go into an all-out makeout session.

They cut back and Vickie is on the verge of a meltdown and starts yelling at Edge and attacks him. He gets out of the ring as she screams at him as he backs up the ramp as the show goes off the air.

Send Matt e-mail about ECW, wrestling, MMA or hockey at bishop20@msu.edu. Please include your name and hometown. And if you're interested in mixed martial arts, check out Matt's weekly podcast -- Lights Out Radio. Should be a good one!.