It's Thursday night and that means two things - TNA Impact is on the air and
it's another rerun of The Office on NBC. What do these two have in common? A character
named Karen, who apparently makes her return to the six-sided ring tonight. Funny
- I didn't know she was gone.
Match 1 - Consequences Creed vs. AJ Styles
commentary, Mike Tenay remarks that Creed and A.J. used to train together. Truth
or not (hmmm) it gives a bit of context to this match, or at least it would if
the two reversed each others' moves throughout the bout. We do get that to an
extent, but Creed has no defense for the Pele Kick or the Styles Clash.
After the match, Jeremy Borash calls for Styles and tells
him that Kurt Angle is in the parking lot waiting for Karen. Oh JB, you poop-disturber
We go outside and Karen has indeed returned. AJ is with her and Kurt
is being held back by security. AJ insists that Karen come with him to his locker
room, where she will be safe.
Match 2 - Brother Ray vs. Christian Cage
the match begins, Ray cuts a promo on Rhino and Christian Cage and says that we'll
see something we've never seen before - the end of Cage's wrestling career.
match begins with Cage in firm control until Johnny Devine comes in with a Kendo
stick (no DQ mind you) which Cage reverses. Once Ray gets the stick and uses it
though, the DQ happens.
Winner: Christian Cage (no DQ)
Tomko and Devon bring out a table with a glass center. The table is carefully
set up and Cage is set for a second top powerbomb. Cage goes through the table
and the glass explodes in a nice visual, but one that isn't worth the risk. I
don't want to think what match this is setting up.
Backstage, JB is with
Kevin Nash and the two have a chat about Samoa Joe and the match tonight against
Booker T. Joe comes in and chats more about the match. I'm sorry, but that was
quite possibly the slowest backstager I've ever seen.
Match 3 - Awesome
Kong vs. Danielle
The sacrificial lamb this week is a brunette who matters
so little that they don't even mention her last name. Danielle gets a clawswipe
in and that's it for her offense. Ringside, Taylor appears at ringside briefly
and takes her own swipe at Kong. Kong pushes back and soon returns her focus to
Danielle. A Demon Bomb, as always, ends the match.
Winner: Awesome Kong
the match, Kong calls for Taylor to come in and the two have a strong pull-apart,
with Raisha Saeed getting dumped on her duff at one point as well. Jim Cornette
comes out and talks to Taylor and demands a match against Saeed. The crowd changes
"Let them fight", but we don't get a match, yet at least.
we get a video about Angelina Love, similar to what we got on Gail Kim last week.
This had a bit more of an angle to it, but it was effective.
Moose loads up a shopping cart for her... bimbo brawl match against ODB. Excuse
me? Seriously, how offensive can you be?
Before we get to our next match,
Frank Trigg comes out and talks on Styles. Backstage, we see that AJ, Karen and
JB are watching the monitor and Styles erupts. Eventually, Styles comes out, which
allows Kurt to go into the locker room along with the Beautiful People. Soon,
the girls erupt, which causes Styles to run back.
Match 4 - Masato Yushido/Noruki
Guay vs. Ultimo Guerrero/Rey Bucanero World X Cup Tag Match
and Team TNA come out to make their presence felt. Bucanero comes out with some
sort of belt, probably from CMLL. Much like last week's preview match, the action
is fast paced and unlike anything we see on North American TV. The styles definitely
do not clash here. Ultimo looks the best of the four and helps Bucanero set up
a Corscrew Senton while Guay is on Guerrero's knees for the innovative finisher.
SoCal Val and Jay Lethal are backstage. Lethal
is back to the Macho Man rip-off after breaking character last week. I was hoping
that it would be over. Val tells Jay that she wants to postpone the wedding. Lethal
isn't quite on the same page though.
Next up, we get a promo video for the
"Fan's Revenge" match. This is another bad idea among the many that
TNA has. Yes it's gimmicked but it's just a horrible idea.
Sonjay Dutt then
comes out and sends kids around ringside to collect money in tambourines. He gets
a good 20 bucks at least for this. Apparently the money is going to the Save Val
Foundation. If this segment wasn't so offensive this would be a good advancement
of the angle. As Dutt changes "Set Val free", Val comes out, followed
by non-Macho Lethal. Dutt escapes before the Big Elbow and hides behind the kids.
Won't someone think of the children!
Backstage, Booker T shows off his new
locker room, which more closely resembles Glen Quagmire's house, to JB. The two
then settle in for a chat about tonight's main event.
Next up is a Rough
Cut with Matt Morgan. I like these segments a lot actually.
go to Borash, Angle and Tomko chatting about Karen. Team 3D come into the shot
and try to cure Kurt of his obsession with Karen.
Match 5 - Moose vs.
ODB (Bimbo Brawl Match)
This is your basic late-'90s WWF Hardcore plunder
match. This kind of thing is really, really unnecessary and just looks horrible
10 years after it was even slightly relevant in the wrestling world. I'm surprised,
to be fully honest, that Moose is back after Slammiversary's burial. Surprisingly,
Moose gets the Duke with a Double-Arm DDT on a chair.
6 - Booker T vs. Kevin Nash (No DQ Match)
I think this says something
about TNA - 10 years ago this would have been a main event on Thursday Night Thunder.
Only a scant few guys on WWE's roster were on the lineup in 1998. What does that
Nash, to his credit, looks sharper than he did during many of
his WCW matches while Samoa Joe looks on. At one point, Booker T pushes Joe off
his ringside chair and cracks him across the skull with it. After Booker uses
the chair on Nash, Joe comes in and hits Booker T around a bit before missing
a Superkick on T and hitting Nash instead (hmmm wonder what that was a nod to),
allowing Booker to get the pin.
Winner: Booker T
Nash and Joe push around in the ring before security comes in to break things
Well, TNA certainly took a step backward tonight in many respects.
This was not as exciting as last week's Impact, not by a long shot.
Waldman has been with SLAM! since 2000.