Raw: Having fun with money mania
DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
Thanks to Vinceís Million Dollar Mania, this could be my very last RAW report. In fact, if I get called during the show and win a cut of that cash, Iím not even finishing the report. (Yea, I will.)
Vince McMahon kicks off the show from Oakland, California, and he receives a chorus and cheers and applause. (I guess free money will do that.) Vince cuts right to the chase, calling out the million dollars. Vince announces tonightís password "WWE Universe". Vince announces that $200,000 will be given away after the first match.
Match #1 -- Mr. Kennedy vs. Paul Burchill w/ Katie Lea
Kennedy starts off strong, throwing Burchill into the corner, and then elevating him over the top rope. Kennedy uses a single leg take down to get a cover. Burchill hits a back suplex, and then connects with a clothesline out of the corner. Burchill continues the assault, but Kennedy ducks a clothesline and hits a round house kick. Kennedy has the mike check blocked, but is able to connect on a second attempt. Kennedy covers for the win.
Winner via pinfall: Mr. Kennedy
After the bell, Katie Lea gets in Kennedyís face and
slaps him. Paul takes advantage of the distracted Kennedy and hits a neckbreaker.
Vince isnít screwing around and is ready to give away some money. Vince misdials, but then gets the call to go through, and gets Rick ĎRolled! (My phone is deadly quiet.) Someone answers the phone, but Vince hangs up on him. The second time around though Vince gets a hold of the guy and he wins $200,000!
Match #2 -- Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix
Phoenix elbows Mickie off her back, and then pushes Mickie to the ground. Phoenix hits a tilt-a-whirl and then a vertical suplex. Beth combos a back breaker into a submission, but James reverses into a head scissors. James connects with a low drop kick to the face of Phoenix, and then climbs up top. James lands a Thesz press from the top rope and is able to get the pin.
Winner via pinfall: Mickie James
After the bell, Melina jumps Phoenix, driving her face first into the mat.
Vince is back to give away more money. And my phone is still silent, but some other guy just pocketed $75,000.
Back in the locker room John Cena and Triple H are face to face. Hunter says this has never been personal; it is about being the best. Cena reminds the champ that he made him tap out. Hunter says things are different now.
Vince brings out Charlie Haas to give away some more money. Vince misdials again. (They couldnít have all these numbers pre-programmed into the phone?) Vince is booed as once again the call doesnít go through. Vince finally dials the number and it is busy! (I thought everyone has call waiting in this day!) Vince calls for
a new number, and my phone isnít ringing. And another $50,000 is given away, but Vince tells Charlie if he kisses a Diva, the lucky person will get $100,000. Maria walks out and Charlie plants on her. Vince says heíll throw in another $25,000 if he kisses another Diva. Charlie bites, and out comes Mae Young.
JBL cuts a promo on Cena.
Match #3 -- JBL vs. John Cena
Triple H joins JR and The King at ringside. Cena turns his back on JBL to jaw at Triple H, and JBL attacks him from behind. Cena is shot off
the ropes into a back elbow. Cena reverses an Irish whip and hits a bulldog as JBL comes off the turnbuckle. JBL comes back with a swinging neck breaker. Cena ducks a short arm clothesline and Cena counters into the F-U. JBL breaks free and slides to the floor. JBL then stares down Triple H and we go to break.
After the break, Cena is on the floor. JBL hits a big boot, and tosses Cena back into the ring. JBL locks in a neck hold; Cena breaks free, but JBL slaps on a sleeper. Cena powers out of the sleeper, and responds with right hands. JBL connects with another big boot. Cena ducks the clothesline from Hell, and hits a shoulder block and then a sideslam. Cena connects with the five-knuckle shuffle, and for the F-U. JBL rakes the eyes and connects with the Clothesline. JBL covers, but Cena is able to get a foot
on the ropes. JBL slides out of the ring, and starts to dismantle the announce table. JBL re-enters the ring and Cena rolls him up with an inside cradle to get the win.
Winner via pinfall: John Cena
After the bell, Triple H and Cena have another standoff, this time on the announce table. Triple H leaves first, but not before swiping Cenaís feet out from under him.
Vince wants Lillian Garcia to stand up and says they will give away $98,000, which happens to be the sum of Lillianís measurements. My phone is still silent, but we have another winner.
Itís time for Chris Jerichoís Highlight Reel, and tonightís guest is Shawn Michaels. Jericho tells HBK he looks like he still feeling the effects from the beating that Batista gave him, but the fans still love him. Jericho wants to make observation; the fans love Shawn no matter what he does. HBK says the only person he lied to was Y2J. Jericho canít believe HBK was cheered after the superkick. Jericho is upset that he has gotten booed for doing the right thing. Jericho assaults Michaels, but Shawn fights back. Y2J kicks HBK in the groin, stopping him dead. Jericho shoves HBK to the floor, but then picks him up and smashes Shawnís face into the TV. Jericho leaves HBK suffering in the ring.
Match #4 -- Umaga and Snitsky vs. Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes
Snitsky and Rhodes start off. Holly gets a quick tag and the two hit a double suplex on Snits. Umaga tags in, laying out Holly with a big clothesline. Snitsky picks up Holly slamming him to the mat. Holly dodges a leg drop, and hits low drop kick on the knee cap. Umaga and Cody get tags. Rhodes knocks Snitsky to the floor and hits two dropkicks on Umaga, but gets caught in a cross body. A reverse sidewalk slam sends Cody to the mat. Umaga signals for the spike, and he nails Cody with it. Umaga covers for the win.
Winner via pinfall: Umaga and Snitsky
The Junior Dibiase walks out on stage to heckle to the tag team champs, and tells them in two weeks there will be new champs.
Trevor Murdoch and Jillian Hall have a sing off before Vince hands out some more cash. Jillian cuts off Trevor so she can sing. Vince cuts off Jillian, and dials another number. And we have another winner. Vince says what they witnessed was about two dollars. The poor girl wins a lousy two bucks. Vince asks for another number, this time for $200,000. And we have another big winner, which he will use to pay the FCC fine he just incurred.
Match #5 -- Santino and Carlito vs. Cryme Tyme
JTG goes for a roll-up on Santino and then hits a snap mare take over. Shad slingshots JTG onto Marella. Carlito distracts JTG allowing Santino to sidestep a move off the top. Santino slaps on a reverse chin lock. JTG and Santino knock each other down with rights, and then Shad gets the tag. Shad takes down Santino with clotheslines, and the power slams him to the mat. GTJ taunts Carlito from the apron, and then low bridges him to the floor. Shad hits a modified Rock Bottom, and covers for the win.
Winner via pinfall: Cryme Tyme
Shad and GTJ try to get close to the money. Vince fends them off, and wants them to help give away $51,988. Vince has another winner of that MONEY, MONEY, YEA, YEA! That MONEY, MONEY, YEA, YEA!
Match #6 -- Triple H vs. Jeff Hardy -- Number One contender's match
John Cena joins the announce team. Hardy is knocked down by a shoulder, but gets in a shot as Triple H is
preoccupied with Cena. Hardy hits a lariat, and then beats on Triple H in the corner. Hunter gets a boot up, but walks into a body shot. Hunter staggers back into the corner, and Hardy follows with the slingshot drop kick. Hunter blocks the Twist of Fate and hits a spinebuster as Hardy comes off the ropes. Hunter locks in an abdominal stretch and grabs the ropes for leverage. Hardy is whipped hard into the corner, twice. Hardy gets two feet into the face of Hunter. Hardy telegraphs a move and Hunter hits a face buster. Triple H dodges a Whisper in the Wind, and then sends Hardy over the rope with a clothesline. Hunter slips to the outside, slamming Hardy into the security barrier. Hardy is hip tossed over the announce table and into Cena. Hardy is tossed back in the ring, but Cena pulls Triple H off the apron. The ref counts to ten, and Triple H is counted out.
Winner via countout: Jeff Hardy
Triple H and Cena face-off again as Hardy comes flying over the top rope to take out both men.
Well this is my last chance to get my hands on Vinceís money. Vince thanks the crowd for showing up, and the fans for watching. Vince announces that next week he will give away another one million dollars. The phone is dialed and one lucky WWE fan just landed $250,000.
Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Since Dale
didnít get a cut of Vinceís money this week, he will be in Las Vegas next week where it may be easier to get his hands on that MONEY, MONEY, YEA, YEA!