Raw: Setting stipulations for One Night Stand
DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
If WWE holds a pay-per-view and no title change hands, did said pay-per-view even happen? But more importantly is if no one orders said pay-per-view will WWE cut down the number of shows? (Probably not.)
Jeff Hardy kicks off the show from Kansas City, Missouri, and he is actually in a match.
Match #1 -- Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga
(Um, didnít we see this match last week. Yes, we did, thank you JR.)
Hardy goes for a sunset flip, but canít get Umaga over. Hardy dodges a butt splash, but cannot avoid the Samoan drop. Umaga locks in a nerve pinch. Hardy fights his way out, only to be slammed to the mat. Umaga hangs Hardy in the tree of woe and
connects with a head butt. Umaga climbs to the middle turnbuckle, but Hardy rolls away from a splash. Umaga blocks a Twist of Fate, and side steps a Whisper in the Wind attempt. Hardy slips away from a corner charge, and beats Umaga down in the corner. Hardy connects with a slingshot drop kick, and the mule kicks Umaga to the outside. Hardy follows with a somersault plancha and both men are down outside the ring. Umaga tosses Hardy into the ringpost, but avoids a charge from Umaga. The Samoan Bulldozer runs into the post, Hardy tries a move off the security barrier, but Umaga catches him and plants him with spinning side slam. The ref hits the ten count and the ref rings the bell.
Double count out
Chris Jericho is approached by Batista in the locker room. Batista doesnít think Jericho is in any shape to compete tonight. Both men wish each other luck, but then just stare each other down.
The lights are out as we come back from break. The lights come up and William Regal is standing in the ring. Regal tells us that in two weeks WWE will present One Night Stand. All match will feature extremes rules and Jeff Hardy will take on Umaga in a falls count anywhere match. Regal turns his attention to JBL and Randy Orton. The two will face HHH and John Cena tonight. If they win JBL and Orton will get rematches from last night in matches of their choosing, but if they lose HHH will face Cena in a match of Regalís
choosing. Mr. Kennedy interrupts the PPV pimping. Regal wants to know how many times they need to go through this. Kennedy wants one thing, Regal. The GM doesnít consider Kennedy an equal and threatens to fire the next person who interrupts him. There is NO CHANCE that will happen, as WWE chairman Vince McMahon struts to the ring. Kennedy tells Regal to go ahead and fire him. Vince says they have been more viewer complaints then ever over the past few weeks. Vince says he doesnít care what the people think, but he does care about the money. Ratings are down when Regal is on the air. Vince says he wants Kennedy gone, but all the viewers want Regal gone, so tonight Kennedy will face Regal in a Loser leaves RAW match. (Okay, Vince said the loser will be fired, but I wanted to write loser leaves RAW.)
Match #2 -- Beth Phoenix vs. Maria
Melina joins JR and the King at the announce position. Melina is upset the Beth hasnít forgiven her for costing her the title with a boot.
Phoenix picks Maria off the turnbuckle and slams her to the mat. She then follows with a backbreaker. Phoenix hits facebuster type maneuver and combos into a submission hold and Maria gives up.
Winner via submission: Beth Phoenix
After the match, Melina chases down Phoenix and jumps her on the ramp. Phoenix fights back pulling Melina off her back and slamming her into the ramp.
Roddy Piper showed up on the Jimmy Kimmel Show for Cousin Salís birthday. Santino Marella interrupted and slapped Sal. Piper and Santino slapped each other. Sal then smashed the cake in Santinoís face and the two tussled on the floor.
Katie Lea Burchill tells Mickie James she wonít be champion much longer and then accuses her of sleeping her way to the top. Mickie says her and her brother just had fun with John Cena last week.
Shawn Michaels wishes Regal good luck in his match. Regal tells HBK he will be in a stretcher match at One Night Stand versus the winner of the Batista-Jericho match.
Match #3 -- Chris Jericho vs. Batista
Jericho fires away at Batista, beating him into the corner. Batista fights back, but runs right into a boot. Batista slams Jericho into the turnbuckle and then hits a clothesline in the corner. Jericho falls during an Irish Whip, and clutches his knee. We go to break, as the ref checks on Jericho.
The match is still on as we return. Jericho is whipped into the corner, and goes down hard. Jericho catches himself on the ropes, and then low bridges Batista, who clutches his knee when he hits the floor. Jericho goes after the injured leg, and nails a chop block. Y2J slaps a leg submission, and then slams it into the mat. Batista kicks Jericho from the ring; Y2J tries to drop Batista out, but Jericho is kicks into the announce table. Back in the ring, Jericho is booted in the jaw. Jericho counters a spinebuster into a single leg crab. Batista crawls to ropes and breaks the hold. Jericho chop blocks the injured leg, but misses the lionsault. Jericho counters a Batista bomb by grabbing the ropes, and then climbs the turnbuckle. Batista connects with a clothesline as Jericho comes off the turnbuckle.
Jericho struggles to climb up from the corner. Batista charges but misses; Jericho goes for the codebreaker, but Batista counters into the Batista Bomb and covers for the win.
Winner via pinfall: Batista
After the bell, Shawn Michaels walks out on stage and stares into the ring.
Regal wants to know what Vince is up to with this match. Vince tells Regal that he controls his own destiny. Ted DiBiase drops in, and Vince needs Regalís office for minute.
Santino Marella dressed as Piper walks out to host the Pit. Santino takes his shots at Piper and shows the clip from the Kimmel show, again. Santino calls out Cousin Sal, and he actually shows up. Santino wants to know why he idolized Piper as a kid. Sal says Piper backs up everything he says, while Santino hasnít backed up any off his claims. In fact, Sal has found out that he never got with Maria because he is lacking in certain areas. DAMN! (Thank you, Ron Simmons.) Santino wants an apology from Sal, or he will get a cake in the face. Sal stands there, as the real Roddy Piper slips in behind Santino. Piper samples the cake and Sal smashes it into Santinoís face again. Piper tosses Marella from the ring, who goes crazy on the mic.
Marella challenges Sal to a match and Piper tells him it is on. Cousin Sal doesnít look to happy.
Match #4 -- Mr. Kennedy vs. William Regal -- Loser Leaves Raw Match (Youíre FIRED Match, whatever)
Kennedy fights his way out of the corner, but Regal fights back. Kennedy chases the GM from the ring, but Regal pulls him off the apron. Regal blocks a back slide. Regal hits a scoop slam, and locks in a submission hold. Regal runs into a boot in the corner, and then unloads with a flurry of punches and a kick to the head. Regal knocks Kennedy to the floor, and then grabs a mic. Regal announces this is now a "No Disqualifications" match. Regal pulls out the brass knucks, and
tosses Kennedy into the ring steps. Kennedy is tossed back into the ring, and Regal stalks his prey. Kennedy blocks the punch with a kick to the gut, and follows with the mic check. Kennedy hooks the leg, and gets the pin.
Winner via pinfall: Mr. Kennedy
After the bell, Regal is heckled by the crowd and slowly backs up the ramp.
After the break, Regal is pleading with Vince to let him back in the office. Teddy Long answers the door and walks out! Whatís up playa?
The Grish asks Triple H if JBL and Orton have the edge tonight since they have more to gain. Hunter says since he and Cena won last night they are the favorites, but it doesnít matter who he faces at One Night Stand because he is the best the business has to offer.
Match #5 -- JBL and Randy Orton vs. John Cena and Triple H
Orton and Cena start off and Cena hits a bulldog, getting a quick tag to the champ. Hunter runs into an elbow, but catches Orton with a high knee. Hunter gets a shot in on JBL, and then whips Orton to the ropes, who spills onto the floor on a low bridge by Orton.
After the break, JBL has HHH in a choke hold. Orton makes a blind tag, and beats on Hunter in the corner. Orton misses a drop kick, as Hunter holds onto the ropes. Cena gets the tag, and takes down Orton with a shoulder block and a side slam. Cena hits the five knuckle shuffle, but is then cut down by JBL. Hunter takes out JBL, and Cena blocks a RKO. Cena sets up the F-U, but JBL kicks him in the face. Cena collides with Orton in the corner, and both men go down. Cena and Orton make tags. Hunter hits a face buster, but cannot get the pin. Hunter counters JBL with a spine buster. Cena tags in and slaps on the STF-U. Orton and Triple H enter the ring, and Orton hits a backbreaker on Triple H, and then kicks Cena in the head. Orton and Triple H fight, as JBL rolls over and pins Cena for the win.
Winner via pinfall: Randy Orton and JBL
After the match, Triple H goes for a Pedigree on Orton, but is clotheslined by JBL. Bradshaw picks HHH up and Orton nails the RKO. JBL grabs a mic and tells Cena they will have a First Blood match, while Orton wants Triple H in a Last Man Standing match.
Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Dale would like to challenge Nick Tylwalk to a Loser Leaves SLAM! Match, but Nick is never around anyway.