ECW: Meet the new champ

ECW: Meet the new champ

By MATT BISHOP - SLAM! Wrestling

Tonight on ECW on Sci-FI: There's a new sheriff in town and he's big and red and a machine. What will Kane's first night as champion entail? Read and find out! Should be a good one!

And we are LIVE! from Miami, Fla. Joey Styles and Tazz are our hosts and this show is presented in WWEHD (TV-14DLSV).

I'd call it a cold open, but Kane's pyro opens the show, so I don't think it would be appropriate. The new champion is in the ring and is going to cut a promo.

Kane talks about how he went through 23 other men to earn a shot at the ECW Championship. He then ran through Chavo in eight seconds. He is now the ECW Champion.

Kane says ECW has had some of the most spectacular and brutal moments in sports entertainment. But with him as champion, we haven't seen anything yet.

The lights roll back up and out comes Mr. Money in the Bank, CM Punk.

Styles and Tazz speculate that Punk could be here to cash in Money in the Bank.

Punk goes through a spiel about how he can cash it in whenever he wants but Chavo Guerrero interrupts. He says Kane's victory was nothing but a fluke.

Punk makes fun of Chavo for having the shortest match in WrestleMania history. Chavo says he had to be prepared for 24 different opponents but Kane attacked him from behind and won't go face-to-face with him.

Chavo says, tonight, Punk and Kane will be in a match together. He's talked to Armando Estrada and the duo will be facing Chavo and ECW's Gold Standard, Shelton Benjamin.

Shelton's out and asks, "are you feeling lucky Punk?" Hardy har har. He says tonight Punk will find out why Shelton Benjamin is the Gold Standard.

Punk calls Shelton "Goldylocks" and says he can call himself any snazzy nickname he wants, but there's one he can't: Money in the Bank.

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Match #1 - Stevie Richards (Philadelphia, Pa.) vs. Mike Knox (Phoenix, Ariz.)

Knox is all over Richards, hitting a huge back elbow and a giant vertical suplex.

But after awhile, Richards starts to land, first with an inverted atomic drop following by some stiff kicks.

But Knox catches a kick and hits a backbreaker following by the corkscrew faceplant for the win.

Winner via pinfall: Mike Knox

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Tazz is in the ring with Colin Delaney who says his WrestleMania experience was good because he didn't get beat up. He says he will be in a match at WrestleMania next year because he'll have a contract. Enter GM Armando Estrada, who says Delaney has proven to him how badly he wants to be a WWE superstar. Estrada offers Delaney a contract. Colin goes crazy. But, there's one thing Estrada forgot to mention: APRIL FOOLS! Bwhahahaha. Estrada says if Delaney wants to earn a contract, all he has to do is defeat this man.

Match #2 - Colin Delaney (Rochester, N.Y.) vs. The Big Show (Tampa, Fla.)

Bwhahahahahaha! Oh, the look on poor Colin's face is epic.

The referee calls for the bell and Colin can't even look Show in the eye. Colin takes a step and Show takes it with him. Colin turns away and Show puts his hand on his shoulder, grabs him and applies the Cobra Clutch for the finish. The referee calls for the bell and Show just picks up and absolutely ragdolls Delaney to the mat.

Winner via referee stoppage: The Big Show

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Match #3 - Chavo Guerrero (El Paso, Tx.) & Shelton Benjamin (Orangeburg, S.C.) vs. Kane (Hell, Fire & Brimstone) & CM Punk (Chicago, Ill.)

Guerrero actually gets some offense in on Kane, but it's short lived as the heels both find themselves lying on the outside.

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We're back and Kane is laying the wood to Benjamin. Kane tags in Punk who continues. But Benjamin gets the tag to Chavo who doesn't have that much luck, either, in the beginning before taking over. Shelton comes in and works on Punk on the mat.

The heels utilize quick tags to isolate Punk from Kane. Chavo starts to work over the rib cage and knees.

No matter what Punk does, He just cannot get to his corner. Kane is getting antsy.

Punk finally gets going with his running kneelift followed by a bulldog. Both Chavo and Punk tag their respective partners and Kane comes in and starts to destroy Benjamin.

Kane sets Shelton up for the choke slam, but Shelton gets out and delivers a boot to Kane's chest before Kane delivers a much more powerful boot of his own.

Kane goes to the top but Chavo comes out of nowhere knock him off.

Punk tags himself in and nails GTS on Benjamin for the pin.

Winners via pinfall: CM Punk & Kane

Send Matt e-mail about ECW, wrestling, MMA or hockey at bishop20@msu.edu. Please include your name and hometown. And if you're interested in mixed martial arts, check out Matt's weekly podcast -- Lights Out Radio. Should be a good one!.