ECW: Chavo can't overcome Punk
WRITER X - SLAM! Wrestling
There are times when Writer X wishes he could shirk his duty. Times when he wishes he could ignore the X-symbol and leave his trusty laptop on the shelf. This was one of those times, when a Diva Dance-Off on ECW was waiting for him.
And yet, there was also the prospect of Chavo Guerrero facing CM Punk for the right to earn an ECW title shot. With that thought boosting his spirits, he donned his luchadore mask, fired up the laptop and prepared himself for ECW, coming to us this week from Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania.
Match 1 - John Morrison and The Miz (champions) vs. Jimmy Wang Yang and Shannon Moore (challengers) - 15 Minutes of Fame WWE Tag Team Title Match
The team that scores the most falls in 15 minutes gets the belts. After surviving some early offense from Moore, the champs draw first blood when Morrison rolls up Yang and uses a handful of tights (denim, actually) to earn a pinfall shortly before the four-minute mark. A commercial break sees the challengers rally, but they can't figure out a way to even the score. They finally do it when Morrison goes for a superplex, but Yang elbows him to the canvas and follows with a moonsault press to tie it at 1-1. Yang takes several minutes of abuse before making the diving hot tag to Moore with about 2:27 remaining. The challengers both fly to the outside and have several chances to win it, including another moonsault press by Yang. But time runs out in the middle of the referee's count, and the champs retain their belts by the skin of their teeth.
Tazz is in the ring with young Colin Delaney, whose journey to become a WWE superstar took a bit of a rough turn last week against Big Daddy V. The good news is that Colin doesn't have to face an ECW superstar tonight. The bad news is that he does have to face a Smackdown superstar, and the worst news (for us, especially) is that it's Mark Henry.
Match 2 - Colin Delaney vs. Mark Henry
Um, yeah. Henry squashes Delaney, finishing him with the World's Strongest Slam. Not sure exactly where this is going.
And now the moment we've all been waiting for, the Diva Dance-Off. New Diva Lena is our host, despite the fact that she still seems a little uncomfortable on the microphone. It's Kelly Kelly versus Layla with the crowd deciding the winner. Layla does the better dancing but the audience seems to be siding with the blonde. But wait - Lena enters the fray herself, and even though she dances pretty well, she is greeted by a chorus of boos. She declares herself the winner and heads up the ramp. That was exceptionally pointless, even for a segment of this type.
The Gold Standard of ECW, Shelton Benjamin, says it's time to get dirty. Turns out that means he just wants to talk about winning the Royal Rumble, which:
a) isn't that dirty and
b) he's probably not going to do.
Main Event - Chavo Guerrero vs. CM Punk
No title on the line but a future title shot is at stake if Chavo can pull off a win. Both men test each other on the mat early, then an enzuigiri sends Chavo to the outside and ushers in a final commercial break. Upon returning, we witness Chavo launching a well-orchestrated attack on Punk's ribs and back. The champ rallies by catapulting Guerrero to the floor and nailing him with a suicide dive. Back inside the ring, CM scores with a leaping clothesline and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, but neither are enough to close things out. A running knee and a bulldog can't do it either, and Chavo recovers to attempt the Three Amigos. Two reversals later, Chavo hits an overhead backbreaker and unties one of the top turnbuckles. While the ref is busy dealing with that, Guerrero grabs the ECW Title and prepares to take a swing. But the ref turns around in time to see it, calling for the bell. Even though Guerrero is disqualified, Punk gives him the Go to Sleep as a nice parting gift. And that wraps things up for tonight.
Writer X is curious about why his mask isn't offered for sale at the SLAM! Wrestling Store, because he gets a pretty nice royalty for each one sold. Explanations can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org.