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Impact: Gauntlets rule the night
By CHRIS SOKOL - SLAM! Wrestling


It's gauntlets galore on this edition of Impact, as TNA makes one last attempt to garner some interest in Final Resolution. Plus, the TNA camera crew along with Jeremy Borash take a trip to the home of AJ Styles' grandmother in attempt to figure out what is going on with "The Phenomenal One." All this and more on this edition of Impact.

A package was shown to recap the last edition of Impact. Jeremy Borash was shown outside the home of AJ Styles' grandmother. AJ's sister, MJ, answered the door. Also in the home was AJ's pastor. AJ had pictures of both Kurt Angle and Christian Cage and was pondring waht to do. AJ even ignored his own son due to all the confusion surrounding the Christian Coalition and the Angle Alliance.

Mike Tenay and Don West hyped all the guantlet matches and said that they would be determining the ranking's as to who could challenge for belts and such. Jim Cornette and Matt Morgan came out to put over the guantlet's as well as Final Resolution. It was announced that Robert Roode and Ms. Brooks would be teaming up to take on Booker T and Sharmell. A TNA Tag Team Championship match was also announced that put AJ Styles and Tomko defending against Kevin Nash and Scott Hall. Um...okay. Samoa Joe came out and complained that he wasn't on the PPV, yet Hall and Nash were. Kevin Nash then came out and had a bit of a verbal battle with Joe. Nash said that Joe reminded him of himself when he was younger, but Joe has yet to reach his status. Nash told Joe that if he wanted to reach his status, he would have to first knock Nash out of the way. The two continued to argue, until Cornette said that since Hall wasn't there, Nash wouldn't get a title shot. He then said that Joe and Nash could team up, challenge for the belts and both be happy. Cornette then told them to think about it.

Crystal was in the back with Robert Roode and Ms. Brooks. Brooks told Roode that she didn't want to be his partner, because she had no problem with Booker and Sharmell. He told her too bad and ran her down. He also ran down Sharmell and called her a skank. He then forced Brooks to say his catchphrase. Back from a commercial break and Crystal was with Johnny Devine and Team 3D. Brother Ray harassed Crystal until she left, and the three then talked about how they were upset about what was going on in TNA. Team 3D was mad that they were ranked underneath some of the other tag teams. They said that they would show their dominance in the tag team guantlet and then would go on to win the Ultimate X match at Final Resolution. VKM and Roxxie Laveaux then stepped in and brushed Team 3D and Devine off to the side. Kip James asked BG James when he was going to announce that they were challenging for the tag team titles, but BG says he is still undecided and that he is on the look out for someone in particular. Kip tried to remind him about their partnership, even throwing in a crotch chop.

Match One - Tag Team Guantlet Match - LAX (Homicide and Hernandez) vs. Rock N' Rave Infection (Jimmy Rave and Lance Hoyt) vs. VKM (BG James and Kip James) vs. Team 3D (Brother Ray and Brother Devon) vs. The Motor City Machine Guns (Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin)

This was just a battle royal, until it got down to the final two teams, which were The Rock N' Rave Infection and The Motor City Machine Guns. Back and forth action led to a Sliced Bread Number Two, which gave the Machine Guns the win. After the match, Team 3D and Johnny Devine attacked the Machine Guns. They then whacked the hands of the Guns with a singapore cane until the X Division ran out and made the save. Team 3D then said that they just busted the hands of the Guns and that they wouldn't be able to climb the Ultimate X at Final Resolution. Very unique approach to take with this. Good job TNA!

Winners Via Pinfall - The Motor City Machine Guns (Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin)

Crystal was in the back with Kurt and Karen Angle. Kurt said that AJ Styles and Tomko would join him and that he was calling Tomko out to make the arrangement public. He then said that he also had plans for Christian Cage and and wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. Kurt is always good on the mic. Back at AJ Styles' grandmother's house, AJ's third grade teacher was there. She said that he was always shy and used to have zits from eating chocolate. He said it was a lie. She then told Styles that he had a decision to make and began yelling at him. Funny stuff.

Match Two - Knockouts Gauntlet Match - Velvet Sky vs. Awesome Kong vs. Ms. Brooks vs. Christy Hemme vs. Angelina Love vs. Roxxie Laveaux vs. ODB vs. Jackie Moore

Another battle royal. This one came down to Roxxie Laveaux and ODB. Laveaux had control of ODB, until ODB was able to counter her offense and hit the Breast Press for the win.

Winner Via Pinfall - ODB

In the back, Crystal was with Tomko who said it was funny that Kurt Angle was demanding stuff from him. He said that he wasn't AJ Styles and that he's been dealing with Christian Cage for years. He says that he will demand the respect he has earned from Kurt Angle. Back from a commercial break, and Tomko was in the ring. Tomko then called out Kurt Angle who demanded an answer as to who Tomko was going to align himself with. After some banter, Tomko said that he wasn't aligning himself with the Christian Coalition or the Angle Alliance, he said that he was going to be by himself. Angle said that he respected the decision and then went to attack Tomko, who grabbed him by the throat and said he was going to let him go, but if he tried it again, he was going to permanantly break his neck.

Back at AJ Styles' grandmother's house, AJ's high school wrestling coach, Coach Butterman of the Grazing Goats, was over. He talked about how Styles pissed himself wrestling an "alternative girl" once after she crushed her false teeth. Styles defended himself, claiming it was Mountain Dew. Back from a commercial break, and we were once again sent to grandma's home. Jeremy Borash was with MJ Styles, AJ's sister, who promised to tell stories about AJ being frisky as a child. Styles came out of his room and asked for a sandwhich and a Yoo-Hoo, along with Tomko's number. There was an AJ Styles Figure on the dinner table for added effect as well. Great stuff.

Crystal was in the back with Sonjay Dutt and Jay Lethal. They discussed Dutt stealing a kiss from So Cal Val. Dutt said that he was just sharing the love and that Lethal could have a kiss if he wanted to. Lethal said he didn't swing that way and walked off as Christian Cage came in and said that he respects Tomko's decision, but he needed to know where AJ Styles stood, because he needed to know who he could share the glory with. Cage said that he was going to be in the Main Event gauntlet later on and invited Kurt Angle to come out and match wits.

Match Three - X Division Guantlet Match - Sonjay Dutt vs. Petey Williams vs. Elix Skipper vs. Shark Boy vs. Senshi vs. Johnny Devine

Battle royal that led to Petey Williams vs. Senshi. Williams had the match in firm control. Senshi missed the Warrior's Way and was hit with a Canadian Destroyer that gave Williams the win.

Winner Via Pinfall - Petey Williams

Crystal was with James Storm and Jackie Moore. Storm said that there would be a DCS or Drinking Championship Series at Final Resolution between he and Eric Young. The winner would get to choose a match between them. They would be playing Edward 40 hands, which is where both competitors will tape 40's to their hands and whoever finishes first gets the win. Wow. Back at AJ Styles' grandmother's house, the Priest was there and mentioned how AJ was a Catholic Alter Boy. AJ then said that they were Baptist and he had the wrong house. Mike Tenay and Don West ran down the Final Resolution card, while in the back, Crystal stood by with Booker T and Sharmell. Booker said that Robert Roode treats women like garbage, while he treats Sharmell like a queen. Booker talked about not wanting Sharmell to be in the match, and was about to go talk to Jim Cornette about the situation, when Sharmell stopped him and said that it was on. Booker then told Roode that he really pissed her off and the match was on.

Match Four Heavyweight's Guantlet Match - Booker T vs. Christian Cage vs. Kevin Nash vs. Abyss vs. Black Reign vs. Samoa Joe vs. Chris Harris vs. Kaz vs. Rellik vs. Eric Young vs. Robert Roode vs. Scott Steiner vs. Judas Mesias vs. James Storm

Battle royal, with Christian Cage entering last. Kurt Angle tried setting up Cage at the tunnel, but Cage caught him and the two went at it. The final three were Kevin Nash, Samoa Joe and Cage. Angle came down and Olympic Slammed Cage off the post. Nash went and eliminated himself to show loyalty to Joe, but from behind, Cage snuck in and rolled up Joe for the win.

Winner Via Pinfall - Christian Cage

Back to AJ Styles' grandmother's house. Styles choose to be with Christian Cage, then Kurt Angle, then he said he would make a decision at Final Resolution. He then threw everyone out of his grandmother's house as the Impact Recap played to round out another edition of Impact.

Chris Sokol is from Long Island, NY, and has a Samsung Sync Cell Phone.