December 21, 2007
Smackdown: Edge & Co. ruin Batista's Christmas
By MARK XAMIN - SLAM! Wrestling
Deck the halls, it's time for the Armageddon fallout, Smackdown style. It's the final Smackdown before Christmas, so there has to be a few cheesy puns and a little bit of season's beatings, right? Or maybe Edge will come out dressed up like the Grinch and steal Christmas? Let's find out.
Tonight on Friday Night Smackdown: Batista invokes his rematch clause and battles Edge for the World Heavyweight title. Also, JBL says farewell to the Smackdown fans as he prepares to head to Raw to work with Chris Jericho.
This week the show emanates from Rochester, New York.
Smackdown begins with Teddy Long wheeling Vickie Guerrero to the ring. Vickie has the World Heavyweight in her lap. Cut to a recap of the World Heavyweight title match at Armageddon this past Sunday. It highlights Edge, of course, and we get to relive the Edge clones angle.
Back in the ring, Teddy Long grudgingly introduces Vickie Guerrero as the General Manager of Smackdown. Vickie immediately introduces the new champion, Edge. Teddy Longface presents Edge with the title. The crowd is very hot; Edge is without question the most over heel in the WWE. Edge says he has so many people to thank that he doesn't know where to begin. He starts with Teddy Long, praising him with mock gratitude and saying that he's fitting into his new job well. Teddy keeps his long face on and glares at Edge. Edge thanks his fans, to a chorus of boos. But he'd like to thank two specific "Edgeheads." Out come the Major Brothers, still dressed like Edge. Edge puts them over, and then says they aren't really the Major Brothers. He asks them to tell the world who they really are. One of them says his name is Kurt Hawkins. The other says he's Zack Ryder. Edge says there's one person that he really needs to thank more than anyone else. You guessed it -- Vickie Guerrero. A cheesy video set to what sounds like an '80s love song plays, which consists of Edge working out, with Vickie Guerrero watching on. Then it shows Edge and Vickie strolling through a park, having a picnic, playing on the swings, etc. Edge can really do it all. This video will have you laughing and hating him at the same time. Back to the live promo, Edge says there is one more person he'd like to thank -- his opponent tonight, Batista. He says Batista did a wonderful job of filling in as champion while Edge was gone, but that he doesn't have to worry about carrying the show any more because Edge is back now. He promises that the last image you will see tonight is this -- he holds up the title to a smattering of boos.
Match #1: The Great Khali & Ranjin Singh vs Finlay & Hornswoggle
Back from the break, Ric Flair's music hits. Out comes the Nature Boy, woooo! Flair goes to the ring and cuts basically the same promo that he cut on Raw. He puts Triple H over as the best wrestler alive today. He says if he loses to Triple H and it's his last match ever, he'd be honored to have his last match with The Game. He wants Triple H to give him the best he's got and not go easy on him. Exit Flair.
Match #2: CM Punk & Rey Mysterio Jr. & Kane vs MVP & Mark Henry & Big Daddy
Another Armageddon recap airs, once again highlighting Edge's title win to hype tonight's Edge vs Batista main event title match.
Back from commercials, JBL puts his farewell address over as Michael Cole preps us for Michelle McCool's date with Jamie Noble. Video footage of the date airs. They're in a restaurant. Noble tells her to order anything she wants. She orders an expensive Cabernet wine. Noble is blown away by the price, but in an effort to impress her, he tells the waiter to give the lady what she wants. Noble orders a full bottle of merlot. Noble compliments Michelle's dress (which he picked out) and says that his granny helped him pick it out -- and she'd like to meet Michelle, so Noble invites her to Christmas dinner but doesn't give her time to answer. Instead he asks what her policy is on kissing on the first date. Michelle almost spits out her wine but the waiter interrupts and asks for their order. Michelle starts to tell the waiter what she wants, but Noble cuts her off and says he'll handle it. He orders French onion soup, French fries, French dip, and a French vanilla shake. The waiter says none of that is on the menu. Noble is upset that the waiter won't give him what he wants. He asks what kind of French restaurant doesn't have French food, and then accuses the waiter of trying to ruin his date. Michelle tries to calm him down but Noble gets in the waiter's face. He says the waiter would be speaking German right now if it wasn't for the Americans bailing his ass out of Desert Storm. He says the French try to take credit for everything, saying the waiter thinks the French gave them the Statue of Liberty when really it was the Romans who gave it to them. Um, poor Jamie has his facts wrong. Michelle looks embarrassed. The waiter then explains that this is an Italian restaurant, not a French one. Oops. Now Noble is embarrassed. He says he beat Chuck Palumbo three times and he's Italian. Michelle explains to the waiter that that's why she's here. But if you thought it was over... well, you would be wrong. Noble got her a Christmas present and makes her open it. It's Old Spice cologne. Apparently he wears it, so when Michelle starts to miss him, she can smell it and it will remind her of him. She doesn't seem all that impressed. That's okay, he's going to redeem himself with a magic trick. Oh yes, that's right. He's going to pull the table cloth off the table without disturbing anything on the table. Can you kind of sense the disaster coming? Needless to say, most of the food and wine ends up all over Michelle, ruining the very dress than Jamie Noble and his granny picked out for her in some cruel twist of irony. Noble asks for the cheque, and the video ends. Poor guy.
Back to live action.
Match #3: Santa Match - Deuce vs Festus
Up next, JBL is going to make his farewell speech. Michael Cole says that for the final time, JBL will be signing off on Smackdown. JBL says he's not Cole's partner or colleague, and he's about to announce the biggest comeback since the Resurrection. But not before another commercial break.
And we're back. The ring is set up with red, white, and blue balloons, the ropes are decorated, and there is a JBL podium in the ring. Typical JBL speech. He compares himself to sports greats like Ali and Jordan. Blah blah blah. Excellent promo, but nothing we haven't heard a million times before. A clip of the Y2J/JBL incident from Armageddon plays. JBL says all Y2J had to do was apologize after Armageddon, but instead called JBL out. He trashes Y2J and says he couldn't make it in reality television. He says he's not coming to Raw to be a part of the roster, he's not coming to Raw to be a team player or for a swan song, he's coming to Raw to headline pay-per-views and win championships. He says five years from now people will be asking Y2J what the hell he was thinking when he unleashed JBL upon us. He's a wrestling God, you know. In case you hadn't heard.
Up next is the main event.
When we come back, Tazz has joined Michael Cole at ringside for commentary. I guess he's JBL's temporary (please?) replacement.
Match #4: World Heavyweight Title Match - Edge (champion) vs
Match #4 (really this time): World Heavyweight Title Handicap Match -
Edge (champion) & Kurt Hawkins & Zack Ryder vs Batista
Overall, a pretty good show. Edge plays a heel to perfection, and it's good to see him heading up a new faction.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight.
Mark Xamin is a writer for SLAM! Wrestling, and he wishes you all a safe and
happy holiday season. All the best in 2008!