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ECW: Monster Mash main event
By
MATT BISHOP - SLAM! Wrestling
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Tonight on ECW on Sci-Fi: It's Chubapalooza 2007 as Mark Henry,
Kane, The
Great Khali and Big Daddy V battle in a Monster Mash Battle Royal.
Should
be a good one!
And we are LIVE! from Long Island, NY and right off the bat, we find
out
that we're going to have a No. 1 Contender match tonight featuring
former
champion John Morrison battling The Miz (HOO-RAH!), but let's get right
to
the ring for our first match...
Match #1 - Elijah Burke (Jacksonville, Fla.) vs. Jimmy Wang Yang
(Austell, Ga.)
So the Smackdown! Talent Exchange (or would it be Xchange since this
is
ECW?) brings us this fresh and exciting matchup. Burke controls the
early
portion of the match, but Yang fires up, culminating in a spot where
Burke
goes to the top rope and tries to come down, but Yang hits this
ridiculous
spinning back kick that hits Burke square in the kisser (awesome spot
--
amazing timing). Tazz called it "Wang-tastic," but the euphoria is
short-lived from Wang, as Burke takes control, throwing Yang into the ring
post,
then goes back and nails the Elijah Express for the victory.
Winner via pinfall: Elijah Burke
(Ads)
Backstage, keeping with the Halloween theme, Dracula Nunzio leads a
group
of school children through the backstage area Trick Or Treating. First
they
run across Balls Mahoney, who doles out candy that is probably drugged.
Then
they run across CM Punk (dressed as the ECW Champion, he informs us).
They
exchange worthless banter. Then they go to a room and knock and it's
empty,
but suddenly, it goes red and out comes who else but The Boogeyman!
Yayyyyyy! Of course, Nunzio runs away like a little girl while Boogey
does
his schtick. The kids hold out their bags in front of them and Boogey
proceeds to give them each a handful of worms. I'll admit it, I
chuckled. A
lot.
(Ads)
Match #2 - Trick Or Treat EXTREME RULES!!! Match - Dracula Nunzio
(Transylvania or you know, Rockland County, NY) vs. Paul E. Dreamer
(Philadelphia, Pa. or, maybe, Yonkers, NY)
Holy cripes, people. Tommy Dreamer is dressed as Paul Heyman. Almost
a
dead ringer. I can't even do this match justice. It was so beyond
ridiculous
(in a good way) that I can't even describe it. Here are some
highlights:
--Joey Styles and Tazz pretty much spent 3/4 of the match trying to
figure out who Dreamer was dressed like. Trust me: It was absurd.
--After a portion of the match which saw Nunzio pegging Dreamer in
the
back with apples, the two trying to hit each other with a pumpkin and
Dreamer dumping the bucket full of apples (with water) over himself,
Styles
dropped this gem: "This is the oddest interpretation of extreme rules I
have
ever seen."
Finally, Dreamer hits Nunzio with the early 1990s-style cell phone,
then
with Nunzio hung up in the Tree of Woe, Dreamer does a baseball slide
into
the bucket which previously held the apples. After that, he hits the
DDT and
it's all over.
Winner via pinfall: Paul E. Dreamer
Up Next: It's another edition of Ego Bowl as John Morrison meets The
Miz!
(Ads)
Now we backtrack to RAW last night, where a suddenly mega-busty
Kelly
Kelly won the Diva's battle royal only to be destroyed by WWE Women's
Champion Beth Phoenix (GLAMAZON!!!)
Match #3 - #1 Contenders Match - The Miz (Cleveland, Ohio) vs.
John
Morrison (Los Angeles, Calif.)
The winner of this match will face CM Punk next week for the ECW
Championship. As you might recall, The Miz was selected by the fans to
face
Punk at Cyber Sunday.
Miz gets most of the offense early, but on the outside, Morrison
drops
Miz face first into the barricade to gain control, but it doesn't last
long,
as Miz hits a face plant. Miz goes for the Reality Check, but misses it
and
Morrison counters and they go into a series of near falls. Morrison
then
hits Miz with a body shot and it doubles him over enough for Morrison
to hit
the Corkscrew Neckbreaker for the pin.
Winner via pinfall: John Morrison
(Ads)
John Morrison joins Styles and Tazz at the announce desk...
Match #4 - CM Punk (Chicago, Ill.) vs. James Curtis (Minneapolis,
Minn.)
Squash City here, gang. Curtis gets a little bit of offense at the
beginning while Morrison wonders aloud that he thinks that being
Straight
Edge means you listen to Hootie and the Blowfish. Back in the ring,
Punk
hits the GTS for the pinfall.
Winner via pinfall: CM Punk
Post match, Morrison makes a beeline for the ring and bags Punk,
hitting him with the Corkscrew Neckbreaker.
Coming up next: The Monster Mash Battle Royal! Woooooo!
(Ads)
Don't forget, ladies and gents, next week for the ECW Championship:
CM
Punk against John Morrison.
Match #5 - Monster Mash Battle Royal - The Great Khali (India)
vs.
Mark Henry (Silsbee, TX) vs. Big Daddy V (Harlem, NY) vs. Kane (Hell,
Fire &
Brimstone)
I'm sure Jim Ross is watching this from Oklahoma and calling it
"bowling
shoe ugly" because I'm pretty sure this one won't be pretty. By the
way,
this match is being sponsored by JELL-O. Watch that jiggle!
Each man hitting some offense on one another in the early going and
about
two minutes in, we have our first blown spot, as Big Daddy V fails to
execute a sidewalk slam on Kane.
Henry is working on Khali in the corner, but Big Daddy comes running
across and hits a splash that sets them both down.
After that, V looks to splash Kane, but he moves and Kane dispatches
of
V. Shortly after that, Kane and Henry double team Khali and eliminate
him.
We're down to two: Kane and Mark Henry.
Kane gains a slight advantage over Henry and decides to go to the
top
rope for the flying clothesline, but Henry gets close and catches Kane
in a
belly-to-belly suplex position and just flings him over the top rope to
pick
up the win!
Winner: Mark Henry
And we're out...
Well, that was certainly one of ECW's better efforts in a long time.
They
advanced the ECW Title picture, even if it is a retread (at least it's
a
good one). And they managed to put on the first Extreme Rules match in
who
knows how long on this show and had five total matches. Those things,
combined with the Halloween stuff made this a good show. I can dig
it.
Lastly, I would like to wish the best of luck to my fellow Spartans
as
they head in to battle against the absolutely hated University of
Michigan
Wolverines this weekend here in East Lansing. SPARTANS! PREPARE FOR
GLORY!
Go Green!
Send Matt e-mail about ECW/wrestling/MMA/hockey/ at bishop20@msu.edu. Please include
your
name and hometown. And if you're interested in mixed martial arts,
check out
Matt's weekly podcast ‹ Lights Out Radio.
Should
be a good one!.
