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ECW: More SmackDown presence
By MATT BISHOP - SLAM! Wrestling


Tonight on ECW on Sci-Fi (now showing through 2008!): After last week's altercation, Big Daddy V will challenge Kane in the Land of Extreme and the ECW and Smackdown! roster merger thickens.

First off, I would like to take this chance to thank World Wrestling Entertainment and Sci-Fi for renewing ECW through 2008 so I can remain gainfully employed here at SLAM!. Although I'm sure many would've loved to see ECW go the way of the dodo bird, I enjoy making money, so hurray for WWE and Sci-Fi!

And we are LIVE! from Kansas City, Mo. and right away, we start out the show with The Miz (HOO-RAH!) and Extreme Exposé.

Miz gives his thoughts on each of the other people that the fans can vote for to face ECW Champion CM Punk at Cyber Sunday, including calling John Morrison a "fruitcake". Of course, with Layla and Brooke all over Miz, Kelly Kelly is looking disgusted.

Miz then turns his attention to Kelly and runs her down for going on a date with Balls Mahoney and Miz threatens to fire her. But Miz says that he's a nice guy so he'll just teach her a lesson by making her life miserable week after week.

Out of nowhere, Morrison makes his way to the ring, looking to defend his "fruity entrance" and being called a fruitcake.

Morrison says there's not an ECW fan alive that will vote for Miz. After some barbs back and forth, Morrison asks Kelly why she associates herself with a loser like the Miz when she could go along with himself. Morrison suggests that Kelly should spend time with him all night and scream "Morrison!" which draws a slap from Kelly.

Of course, this brings out Balls, who gets double-teamed by the egomaniacs. Once Balls is quickly thrown out of the ring, Morrison turns and dumps Miz out.

Then, with Morrison celebrating, CM Punk comes out of nowhere to attack Morrison.

I didn't think one segment could combine all the ongoing ECW storylines in one compact place, but this one just did it. Oh wait, ECW only has two things going on right now.

Up Next: Kane vs. Big Daddy V!

(Ads)

Backstage, Morrison and Miz meet up with each other and engage in a screaming match. In comes ECW General Manager Armando Estrada and he says the two will face CM Punk and Balls Mahoney in the main event tonight.

Match #1 - Kane (Hell, Fire & Brimstone) vs. Big Daddy V (Harlem, NY)

Does anyone else feel bad for Tony Chimel? I want to know why he got demoted from Smackdown! He's always done a good job in my mind.

Big Daddy V starts out the match no-selling all of Kane's offense and then dominates Kane from pillar to post. Standard big man offense, you know, standing on his head (man, that's a tough term to use when you're not talking about hockey!)

(Ads)

Back from break and Big Daddy V is still in charge, but eventually Kane fires up and hitting some offense. He goes to the top rope and hits the clothesline and knocks down V before Mark Henry runs in and attacks Kane for the DQ.

Winner via disqualification: Kane

Then former World Heavyweight Champion The Great Khali enters and it's a 3-on-1 beatdown, but then the three heels start fighting each other for the right to beat up Kane. Finally, Henry takes control of the chaos, but eats a big boot from Kane and is stomped out of the ring.

Coming up tonight: Balls Mahoney and CM Punk vs. The Egomaniacs

(Ads)

In the hype for Cyber Sunday, they show a really cool video package for the Batista/Undertaker match. I enjoyed it. (I know, this paragraph was real hard-hitting stuff.)

Backstage, CM Punk and Balls Mahoney are discussing their match against The Egomaniacs but that quickly ends and the conversations turns to the date with Kelly Kelly. Of course, Punk is a perv and what's to know what happened. Balls just half-laughs and half-giggles and nods and makes eyebrow gestures and Punk tells him that is disturbing. Balls responds with "that's what she said." It's good to know Balls Mahoney is the Michael Scott of ECW.

(Ads)

Already announced for next week on a special Halloween is ECW: A "Monster Mash Battle Royal" featuring Kane, Big Daddy V, Mark Henry and The Great Khali, which Joey Styles astutely notes is over 1,600 pounds. Get the reinforcements ready.

Match #2 - Elijah Burke (Jacksonville, Fla.) vs. Nunzio (Rockland County, NY)

This match is a result of last week, where Burke hung Nunzio out to dry by walking out during their match against Jesse & Festus.

This one is all Burke for about the first four minutes until Nunzio fires up with the Sicilian Slice and some clotheslines and the like, but he goes to the top rope and gets caught, clotheslined, set up in the corner for the Elijah Express and that's all she wrote.

Winner via pinfall: Elijah Burke

It's really a shame that Burke is stuck at this spot on the card. Hopefully he'll be one of the guys that can appear regularly on Smackdown! and get some exposure there.

Backstage, The Great Khali is screaming LOUD NOISES!!! at his interpreter. Ooooooook. That's 24 seconds of my life I'll never get back.

(Ads)

Match #3 - John Morrison (Los Angeles, Calif.) & The Miz (Cleveland, Ohio) vs. CM Punk (Chicago, Ill.) & Balls Mahoney (Nutley, NJ)

The biggest spot of the entire first part of the match: Balls Mahoney trying to execute a guillotine leg drop, but missing and Styles saying that Balls has great balance due to "years of surfing."

Missing this move leads to Balls being taken advantage of for quite a long time by both Morrison and Miz, but he finally gets the hot tag to Punk.

Punk comes in and takes control and the tide totally changes when Miz clotheslines his partner. Punk takes advantage and hits the GTS on Morrison for the pin.

Winners via pinfall: CM Punk & Balls Mahoney

Well, another edition of ECW on Sci-Fi is in the books. A non-offensive edition, which is pretty much all you can ask for these days.


MATT'S EXTREME MAILBAG

Is WWE trying to make Big Daddy Puke the next Vader? He does the "V" hand gesture and now they call him the Mastodon. Why does this fat slob get this huge push? How does Vince make him this monster killer when just a few months ago he was a "love machine?"

--Mike Halers, West Seneca, NY

Mike ‹ Funny you would draw this comparison. I almost included the same thing in last week's report. I actually don't think Big Daddy V is that bad. He serves his purpose and is just the latest and greatest ECW monster. I'm sure he'll be gone sooner than later. But, man, I do miss Vader. As long as he's not drunkenly stumbling down the ramp.



Send Matt e-mail about ECW/wrestling/MMA/hockey/ at bishop20@msu.edu. Please include your name and hometown. And if you're interested in mixed martial arts, check out Matt's weekly podcast ‹ Lights Out Radio, where a new show is posted every Thursday! Should be a good one!.