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Smackdown: Tragedy strikes the white wedding
By ANDY McNAMARA - SLAM! Wrestling


The season premiere of Smackdown presents the wedding between General Manager Theodore Long and Krystal in a special ceremony. Rey Mysterio also grants his first interview since his return from injury, but don’t worry, there are matches as well! The tag team champions take on Deuce and Domino in non-title action, and let's not forget a huge grudge battle between Batista and Mark Henry. It’s a busy night so let's get right to the report!

The new world heavyweight champion, Batista, is out for a celebration and declares that The Great Khali has exercised his rematch clause in a Punjabi Prison Match at No Mercy. Mark Henry interrupts and states that The Undertaker will make his Smackdown return next week versus himself. Batista reminds Henry that he got a beatdown at Unforgiven last week. The World’s Strongest Man calls The Animal out for a warm-up battle to get ready for Taker next week and Batista accepts.

Match 1: Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Jamie Noble

A solid, fast-paced affair here as Yang hits a head scissors early. Noble begins working Yang’s left arm until the Asian cowboy connects with several kicks, including a beautiful flip kick. Noble regains control when he sees what looks like Hornswaggle’s hat in the front row. Turns out to be Shannon Moore ducking down and this distraction leads to Yang eventually hitting a top rope moonsault for the victory.

WINNER: Jimmy Wang Yang

Backstage we have MVP and Matt Hardy throwing footballs through a hanging tire with Hardy connecting for two in a row. MVP intercepts the third and when Hardy brings up challenging for the U.S. title, MVP quickly returns the focus to their tag match tonight.

Match 2: Non-title: MVP & Matt Hardy (c) vs. Deuce & Domino w/ Cherry

Hardy lets the team captain start off against Deuce. MVP negates a double team move by simply clotheslining Deuce before Hardy. The miscommunications prove costly as the former tag champs take control with their usual punch and kick offence. Later on, Hardy rebounds by hitting a clothesline and bulldog on both Deuce and Domino. Matt nails a Side Effect and calls for the Twist of Fate, but MVP tries for a tag and interrupts the move. MVP storms in and the partners argue, which leads to Hardy pushing him. Domino took advantage and rolled up Matt Hardy for the win.

WINNERS: Deuce & Domino

In the office Theodore Long and his wedding party are talking and Teddy says that tonight he will make Krystal, "holla, holla, holla" -- yikes.

Next is Michael Cole in the ring for Rey Mysterio’s first interview since his return. Mysterio congratulates Batista on his world title win, but claims he will be champion again. Rey says that beating Chavo in the "I Quit Match" last week was redemption and JBL gets on the mic calling Mysterio a disgrace to his country and the program. JBL is reminded that it was Rey who retired him, and then challenges him to a rematch. Bradshaw says his announcing contract won’t allow him to beat up wrestlers but knows someone who loves to fight. Finlay comes down and smacks Mysterio with the mic as the show goes to break.

Various guests are shown arriving for the wedding this evening including Jimmy Wang Yang, Carlito, and Chuck Palumbo riding on his motorcycle

Match 3: Batista vs. Mark Henry

The two beasts go at it in the corner early before Henry hits some clotheslines. Batista turns the tide with a shoulder block and spinebuster, however, this results in The Great Khali walking down the ramp. The Animal spots him and attacks Khali on the ramp. He then runs back down and spears Henry on the outside. All this commotion results in the referee calling for the double count out. Khali whips Batista into the steps and gives him a boot to the head back in the ring. The giant locks on the Vice Grip, Henry clotheslines the champion, and Khali finishes off Batista with a two handed choke slam.

WINNER: Double Countout

It is time for the wedding between GM Theodore Long and Krystal. Everything is decked out in white (including the ropes) with chairs set up all around. The Reverend Bruce Bruce, leads out many WWE Superstars led by Vince McMahon and Jonathon Coachman. Hornswaggle brings his own chair with a yellow pages book and pulls up next to Mr. McMahon. Teddy’s son, Butch Reed, and Ron Simmons are the groomsman, and Torrie Wilson, Michelle McCool, and Vickie Guerrero are the bridesmaids. Jillian Hall interrupts Jagged Edge on their wedding song and the divas remove her. Next we hear the "Hooo Train," and out comes The Godfather with his ladies. Long states that he had fun in the past, but now he only wants Krystal. Simmons tries to leave, but is called back and when The Godfather asks again who wants to leave with him every male in the congregation puts up their hands and leaves. Hornswaggle hops into the ring and scurries under Krystal’s dress. Coach and McMahon chase him out of the ring and up the aisle. Krystal then says "I do," however, before Long can reply he grabs his chest and collapses! Everyone panics as the show goes off the air. A very surprising ending.

Andy McNamara is a SLAM! Wrestling writer, a play-by-play broadcaster for both Rogers Television, and on the radio for Durham College sports. Contact Andy at andymcnamara@hotmail.com.