Big Daddy V is in tonight's main event. So is The Boogeyman. Are you kidding me? Get the barf bags ready.
Live from Atlanta, Elijah Burke comes to the ring and blabbers on and on about the ECW title. Then out comes Kevin Thorn. And then Tommy Dreamer hiding his bald spot (like I pointed out weeks ago) under a doo-rag. Burke tells Dreamer the last time he won a match was 1997 and he may be right. Finally, Stevie Richards comes out and Burke asks if The Blue Meanie is next. Nice. Maybe JBL would soon follow. All four think they are the No. 1 contender to CM Punk's crown.
ECW general manager Armando Estrada then announces that all four wrestlers will be in a series of matches over the next three weeks, the "Elimination Chase to No Mercy," to determine the No. 1 contender. The first match is a Fatal Four Way, which is next, where the loser of the fall is eliminated. Funny - no mention of John Morrison. (Yes, I know he's suspended. It's called sarcasm, people)
Match # 1 - Fatal Four Way - Elijah Burke vs. Kevin Thorn vs. Stevie Richards vs. Tommy Dreamer
I won't lie; this match was actually a hair above average with several nice spots and decent bumps. Richards and Thorn battle on the floor and Burke gets caught by both going for a cross-body inside out. Dreamer then hits the ropes and dropkicks all three.
Later, Burke is teetering on the top rope and Richards has him at his mercy. Stevie goes for a superplex, but Thorn powerbombs Richards who also nails Burke. Dreamer goes up top, lands a frog splash, but in a very overused finish, Thorn pitches Dreamer to the floor and he and Burke both pin Richards, thus eliminating Stevie from the mini No. 1 contender situation.
Loser and eliminated from the Elimination Chase: Stevie Richards
Last night's John Cena/Mr. Cena-Randy Orton shenanigans from Raw is recapped. I guess ECW needs filler (for a one-hour show at that) when there is only a dozen guys on the roster, eh?
Burke finds Punk backstage and Burke tells him he's coming for the title. Punk wishes Burke good luck, but Burke says he doesn't need luck because Punk told him last week that luck is for losers. Punk tells him that's why he said it. Ugh! The word "loser" being used by grown men. Pathetic.
The Miz jaunts to the ring with Extreme Exposé and the ladies flop around to Salt 'N Pepa's Push It from 1987. Balls Mahoney's music hits and we get a rematch from last week.
Match # 2 - Balls Mahoney vs. Mike Knox
Balls ducks a big boot from Knox and drills Knox with a spinebuster for the three count.
Winner via pinfall: Balls Mahoney
Balls gets on the mic and asks Kelly if she'll go out with him. She smiles and continues walking up the aisle with The Miz, Layla and Brooke. Mahoney says he'll take that as a "yes." What is it with the dating scene lately? First Maria and Ron Simmons and now this? Does WWE Creative think we have short memory spans? Who's on the dating kick? Maybe the writers, because with their poor writing, they must have loads of free time.
Unforgiven is recapped and made to look like the best pay-per-view ever. I think not. I admit I didn't see it, but I've been told that the show was a dud.
Big Fatty's rift with Boogey is recapped, complete with Matt Striker commentary. THIS is ECW? No wonder ratings suck.
Match # 3 - The Boogeyman vs. Big Daddy V w/ Matt Striker
Why is this the main event? Couldn't it have at least been under Extreme Rules? Wouldn't the Fatal Four Way have been better here? Again, nice work, writers.
The match doesn't start until 11:05, so I expect a squash. Tazz wonders what is in Boogey's mouth. Seriously?
Big Fatty dominates for the whole three minutes. He hits his running splash in the corner, sidewalk slam and then drops an elbow for the duke.
Winner via pinfall: Big Daddy V
Vis walks around the ring showing the "V" hand gesture. Wow. He must be a Vader fan. Joey Styles hypes Fatty as unstoppable as tonight's show thankfully ends.
Aside from the first 15 minutes, another brutal effort by ECW. Then again, we've come to expect that the past 15 months or so. Right? Am I wrong?
'Til next week...
Matt Mackinder has no idea what day it is. His wife giving birth to their second son, Wyatt Kristopher, on Sept. 7, may have something to do with it. Then again, he's usually more tired than normal on Tuesday nights when he plops down in front of the TV to watch ECW. Wake Matt up and email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.