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Raw: Orton has a Senior moment
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling


Last week we finally found out, who Vince McMahon's son was. As it turns out, he really is a "Little Bastard." Oh, and there was a Pay-per-View on Sunday, too.

The champ is HERE in Nashville, Tennessee. And much to the dismay of one Brian Whorl, it is still John Cena. The champ apologizes for not being himself over the past couple of weeks. Cena has had some pent up aggression, but he is sorry, and he feels much better, tonight. Cena says his dad has made him the proudest son on earth, because his dad was brave enough to show up last night. Cena also thanks Orton for making Cena put things in perspective. Orton is stupid enough to want a rematch. Cena then thanks Coach for booking a Last Man Standing match at No Mercy.

Coach comes out and says Cena should be thankful he still has a job. Coach wanted to strip Cena of the title and fire him. Coach says Cena's dad blatantly interfered. Orton gets his match with Cena tonight, Mr. Cena, the champ's father. Coach says he met with Mr. Cena, who begged Coach to save John's job, and would do anything to prevent his son from getting fired.

Match #1 Jeff Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin Intercontinental Title Match

Hardy and Benjamin size each other up, and Benji tosses Hardy into the corner. Benjamin misses a clothesline and Jeff counter with an inverted atomic drop, followed by a low drop kick. Hardy locks on an arm bar. Shelton is forced into the corner and Jeff scored with kicks and punches. Benjamin is lifted over the top rope, but lands on the apron. Hardy hits a reverse mule kick, and Hardy flies over the top rope and hits a cross body block. After the break, Hardy breaks free from Shelton, but runs right into a one man flapjack. Benji follows with a neck breaker, but cannot get the pin. Shelton with a series of head butts, and then locks in a head lock. Hardy blocks a thrust kick, and then ducks a spinning heel kick. Both men go down after a double clothesline. Hardy then hits a flying clothesline then the Whisper in the Wind. Jeff goes for the Twist of Fate, but Benjamin counters with a back breaker. Hardy misses a corner splash, allowing Benjamin to hit a side Russian leg sweep. He floats over, but cannot get a pin. Hardy goes for a vertical suplex, which Benji counters into a reverse DDT. Hardy kicks out of the pin. Benjamin leaps to the top rope to cut off Hardy, but Hardy pushes him to the mat. Hardy hits a swanton and covers for the win.

Winner via pinfall: Jeff Hardy

It time for the Diva Search. If you really care about this, turn in your wrestling fan card right now.

Vince is in his limo, and is joined by Coach. Vince doesn't care what Coach has done, he is still mad about his kid. Coach says the plan is set, and he won't have to worry about Hornswoggle, who is chowing down on Lucky Charms. Coach takes the little guy out of his car seat, and into the arena.

Cena tries to talk his dad out of wrestling Orton. His dad wants to here no part of it.

Santino wants to talk to Maria, instead Jillian comes out. Maria doesn't want to talk to him, so Santino and Jillian share some mindless chatter. Santino wants to do something really big to impress her. Jillian suggests they sing a duet. Santino says he has a better idea.

Coach has lost Hornswoggle. Vince walks into his office to find it turned into an Irish wonderland. (Talk about stereotyping.) Hornswoggle pops out of the corner, throwing chocolate coins at Coach to escape. Vince then turns around and finds a unicorn?!?

Match #2 Daivari vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan Flag Match

It's capture the flag, all you have to do to win is to grab your country's flag off the pole. Daivari makes a break for his flag, but Duggan tosses him to the floor. A chop block sends Hacksaw to the floor. Duggan catches Daivari again, crotching him on the turnbuckle. Hacksaw climbs his corner, and Daivari follows. Duggan tosses Daivari to the floor, and grabs the stars and stripes to win.

Winner: Hacksaw Jim Duggan

Cody Rhodes offers to face Randy Orton. Coach turns him down, and then runs into the champ. Cena tells him to call off the match, or he won't be held responsible for what happens. Coach tells Cena he will have a match, and if Cena wins the Orton match is off.

Vince is on his way to the ring. He calls for his "son". Hornswoggle hits the ring. Vince says life isn't about money, it's about love. Vince informs him that he has been put up for adoption. Vince brings the new parents to the ring to sign the paper work. The deal goes south, though, when Hornswoggle starts acting like a "Little Bastard." The new parents are run off, and Vince calls him a disgrace, and tells him to get out of his ring and his life. A dejected Hornswoggle heads to the back.

Vince says everyone else would have done the same thing, when Triple H's music hits. Triple H reveals he decorated the office, and asks Vince if he knows how hard it is to find a unicorn in Nashville. Triple H runs down Vince some more before the tag team champions come to the ring for their match.

Match #3 Triple H vs. Cade and Murdoch

So Triple H beats Carlito in a match where only he can be disqualified, and now he going to take on the tag team champs. I wonder if he's going to win. Once again, Triple H overcomes the odds, hitting Cade with a spinebuster to get the pin.

Winner via pinfall: Triple H

After the match, Carlito hits the ring, teaming up with Cade and Murdoch. Paul London and Brian Kendrick run in, sending the tag team champs running. Triple H hits Carlito with the spine buster. London and Kendrick try to shake hands with Trips, but instead get pedigrees.

Match #4 Candice Michelle and Mickie James vs. Jillian Hall and Melina

Beth Phoenix watches for ringside. Candice hits Jillian with the unprettier to get the win.

Winner via pinfall: Candice Michelle and Mickie James

After the match, Phoenix grabs the women's title. She places it on Candice's shoulder and slaps it before leaving the ring.

Vince and Coach are in the back. Coach says no one has seen Hornswoggle, and he may have been scarred for life. Vince gets in his limo, as it pulls away, Hornswoggle pops the trunk and says bye to Coach.

Match #5 John Cena vs. Santino Marella

Cena can't believe this is his opponent. Cena hits a shoulder block and then a side suplex. Marella gets the five-knuckle shuffle. Cena goes for the F-U, when Randy Orton hits the ring and assaults Cena.

Winner via DQ: John Cena

Marella holds Cena down in the corner, and Orton handcuffs him to the bottom rope.

Coach walks out and informs everyone the match will go on tonight, because Cena had to win by pinfall or submission.

Match #5 Mr. Cena vs. Randy Orton

The champ is still chained to the ring, as the match starts. Orton and the senior Cena size each other up. Orton grabs Mr. Cena and knees him in the gut. Orton stomps on Mr. Cena, and then taunts the champ. Orton continues to pick apart the champ's father with stomps. Cody Rhodes runs in, and is tossed to the outside. Orton follows and whips Rhodes into the ring steps. Orton returns his sights on Mr. Cena, hitting an RKO. Cena breaks off the turnbuckle, and is able to chase Orton from the ring. Orton surveys his work from atop the ramp as the show goes to black.

Winner via DQ: Randy Orton

Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003.