With the recent steroid and pharmacy scandal going down, one name mentioned as being suspended by the WWE was ECW champion John Morrison. CM Punk gets his last chance tonight for the title, but how does Morrison get written off TV for a spell? One guess - the two go hand-in-hand.
Taped last Saturday in Cincinnati, I suppose the spoilers have already been read (even on wwe.com), so let's get to the matches. Oh, another new song was part of the opening montage. Not sure the name of it of the artist. Sorry.
Match # 1 - The Boogeyman vs. Matt Striker w/ Big Daddy V
Boogey gets a pretty good pop from the crowd. Good to see Striker in action once again, too.
The match goes all of two minutes and is all Boogeyman. Striker gets Boogey to chase him on the floor and Big Fatty clotheslines Boogey, getting Striker disqualified. A very weak match.
Winner via disqualification: The Boogeyman
Big Fatty doles out a Samoan Drop on the floor to Boogey and his boobs continue to droop. Freaking sick.
ECW GM Armando Estrada tells Punk that tonight is his last chance at Morrison's gold. And upon further review, it appears Estrada is a little heavy on the eye makeup tonight.
Match # 2 - Balls Mahoney vs. The Miz w/ Extreme Exposé
Again? Borrrrrrrrring! The promo for Balls on Who Wants To Be A Superhero? was better than this match. Kelly Kelly eyes Mahoney throughout the match and looks appalled at Miz. Yawn. Dull storyline. Then again, it does involve The Miz.
Miz takes it with the Reality Check. Just like last time. Still yawning.
Winner via pinfall: The Miz
Miz takes the mic and again announces Mahoney as the loser. Wait a minute? Didn't we see this exact postmatch situation last week? Kelly wants to help Balls, but Miz gets her to go with him and the rest of the talent-lacking girls to the back.
Morrison is backstage and hypes himself with his philosophical messages. Then he calls Punk a loser. Nice. Nice writing there, people.
Some movie (that bombed) with Stone Cold Steve Austin is out on DVD soon. What? The movie should be condemned? OH! It's CALLED The Condemned. My mistake. I didn't catch the DVD release date, but I don't think anyone cares.
A recap of Vince McMahon and his bastard kid storyline from last night is recapped. I missed it. Doesn't look like I missed anything of importance.
Match # 3 - Tommy Dreamer & Stevie Richards vs. Elijah Burke & Kevin Thorn
A New Breed reunion? Hardly. Just another example of a thin (and lackluster) ECW roster. Last time we saw Burke and Thorn together, Thorn split from the New Breed. I guess WWE writers hoped we would have forgotten that.
Dreamer, though porking out and balding at an alarming rate, hears solid cheers from the crowd and Joey Styles and Tazz love the fact that two ECW Originals are teaming together. I guess we're supposed to forget that Rob Van Dam, Sabu and The Sandman also used to team with Dreamer. I now officially nominate my two-year-old son to be the new ECW writer.
Thorn throws Stevie into the ring post and then gets clotheslined over the top by (and with) Dreamer. Richards gets up in the corner and takes the Elijah Express from Burke.
Winners via pinfall: Elijah Burke & Kevin Thorn
We get a recap of the Punk-Morrison feud to date. I admit, this was a decent feud. But Morrison ruined that now, didn't he? And he has decent entrance music, too.
Match # 4 - ECW World Title Match - John Morrison (champion) vs. CM Punk (challenger)
The first ECW title match on Sci-Fi since February, so says Tazz and Joey. That's nice - ECW gets one title match every seven months while Raw gets like seven every week. And ECW ratings are down why? No talent? No big matches? Big Fatty? All of the above.
Punk and Morrison work well together and I've said that in the past. Punk hits a springboard bodypress from the second rope on the outside to the floor and at 11:00 p.m., we go to a commercial. Great timing.
The last 10 minutes were as solid a stretch as you'll ever see - numerous near falls and a corkscrew split-legged moonsault from Morrison. The champ misses his springboard kick and runs into Go To Sleep and that's all she wrote.
Winner via pinfall and NEW ECW CHAMPION: CM Punk
Punk celebrates emotionally a la Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania XII. I like him as champion, but I wish it would have happened under different circumstances. Who does he feud with now? My guess is the writers put him with The Miz. And then we can all vomit uncontrollably. Well, no wait. I take that back. We could get Big Fatty. Now THAT would be cause for severe up-chucking. It already is...
You would think that with WWE being under heavy scrutiny the past couple months that the solution would be to give the fans some Grade-A entertainment. Nope. Not going to happen, especially on ECW. Bedtime. To my Canadian buds, keep your plans Friday night. You'll thank me later.
'Til next week...
What is it with Punk and his title shot after title shot after title shot? Is it that he deserves another shot? After all, he has been beaten repetitively by Jim (or is it John) Morrison. Or is it that there isn't anyone else that actually deserves the shot on the show? Or is it that there isn't anyone even at mid-card level on the show?
What's going to happen when the Punk/Morrison feud finally does end? Who is going to be up for a title shot next? Surely you can't give a shot to the guy with breasts that extend around his back! ECW is in serious need of going back to its roots. I'm fed up of seeing Morrison in the same matches (and the same botches) each week. Even a return and possibly a feud with Joey Mercury would be a good thing for the show, and that's really saying something!
Why not have a go at signing Samoa Joe? At least the guy has talent and can carry a match. He'd get drowned in the lower card on either of the other two shows, but on ECW he could thrive.
And blood - I dont wan't to sound sick, but how much blood have we seen on the "home of hardcore" recently? DQs? Countouts? It really needs work.
I'm off to watch TNA.
--Mark Mackintosh, United Kingdom
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