Smackdown: Batista bloodies Khali
ANDY McNAMARA - SLAM! Wrestling
A slew of matches and general entertainment are on tap for a jam packed Smackdown tonight. A red hot University of South Carolina crowd will enjoy a tag and cruiserweight contest, along with a 1-on-1 basketball challenge between rivals MVP and Matt Hardy. With SummerSlam being only 2 days away it is Batista’s time to get some revenge on the monsterous world champion; and the hunt for Vince McMahon’s illegitimate son goes on.
Mr. McMahon and The Coach come out to the ring to start the program no doubt to discuss the mystery child. Kane interrupts Coach’s discussion on how they are getting closer and closer to finding out who is Vince’s kid. JBL and Cole say that McMahon could be Kane’s father…hello Paul Bearer? The Big Red Machine keeps calling Vince “dad” and continues on by stating he does not want the boss’s money…he wants Finlay. McMahon makes the match for SummerSlam. Chris Masters then comes in the ring claiming he has proof that in fact he is Vince’s son. Masters shows a photo of himself and Vince when Chris was 15 years old. Masters challenges Kane to an impromptu Masterlock Challenge to impress his possible father. The Masterpiece cannot get his arms around Kane’s neck, so Kane chokeslam’s him. McMahon stands over the fallen Masters and tears up his picture. Just when you think the segment has ended, out rides the now overly masculine Chuck Palumbo on a motorcycle. Vince all of a sudden starts a match between Palumbo and the injured Masters.
Match 1: Chris Masters vs. Chuck Palumbo
Palumbo hits a couple of quick power moves before a neck hang over the top rope briefly turns the favour in Master’s favour. A running kick to the head connects with a modified Canadian back breaker slam called “The Full Throttle”, and is rewarded with the three count.
WINNER: Chuck Palumbo
Match 2: Chavo Guerrero vs. Funaki
Classic crazy Chavo is in full effect as he continues to bring down a Rey Mysterio mask on a manikin head. Guerrero vs. Mysterio at SummerSlam could very well steal the show. Chavo is walking over Funaki, and the crowd chants, “Chavo sucks”. Funaki’s brief high flying spots are no match for Guerrero. Chavo snaps and puts Rey’s mask on Fuanki. This is followed by a vicious chair shot to Funaki’s knee, which was placed on the ring steps. What a great build to Mysterio’s return.
WINNER: Funaki by DQ
Match 3: #1 Contender Cruiserweight championship bout- Jamie Noble vs. Jimmy Wang Yang
We are treated to two of the best cruiserweight workers in the world today, and early on the fans are not disappointed. Both Superstars hit a couple of high spots, including a near fall for Yang following a top rope hurracarrana. Out of nowhere Noble hits his finisher (a fireman’s carry where he then drops his opponent onto his knees) and picks up the victory. Noble is now the #1 contender for Hornswaggle’s cruiserweight title at Summerslam. After the bell Jamie Noble crawls under the ring to look for the leprechaun but to no avail.
WINNER: Jamie Noble
In GM Theodore Long’s office Long is denied by Krystal to see her in her bikini before the Diva Bikini Contest later on tonight. MVP barges in claiming once again that he is better then everyone on the roster and that he can win all the titles. MVP boasts that he can win the tag belts with the next person who walks in the door. That individual is the U.S. champion’s rival Matt Hardy. Next week it’ll be Hardy/MVP vs. Deuce/Domino.
Match 4: Non-title- Deuce & Domino w/ Cherry(c) vs. Shannon Moore & Eugene
Wow I bet Shannon Moore is sure glad he left a nice spot in TNA to come back to WWE and partner with Eugene. Deuce tricks Eugene into a clothesline out of a handshake and then continues his dominance once Moore is tagged in. Eugene does the Hogan big boot and leg drop combo, while Shannon Moore dives onto Domino on the outside. Eugene turns around into a leaping heel kick from Deuce and is easily rolled up.
WINNERS: Deuce & Domino
Match 5: 1 on 1 Basketball Challenge- MVP vs. Matt Hardy
The newly formed tag team are facing off in a basketball challenge where each basket counts as 1 point and the winner is the first person to 11. MVP talks trash on how he gives NBA stars tips and then misses and easy lay up, much to the amusement of the audience. The United States champion follows the miss out with a dunk and a sweet 3 point shot. Hardy finally shows up and the game is underway. Matt bangs the ball off of MVP’s head and scores the first point. Suddenly Deuce and Domino jump their opponents for next week and lay both men out.
WINNER: No Contest
Match 6: Mark Henry vs. Brad Allen
Ugh, another squash. We get it, Mark Henry is strong and better then poor jobbers like Brad Allen. Not much to report as this one is over after a bear hug. Henry says once again that he is “The Silverback” and will not be intimidated. The Undertaker’s gong plays followed by a creepy video of Death Valley, which reveals Taker’s symbol in a box of rattlesnakes. The South Carolina audience is going nuts for The Dead Man, however, Henry leaves the ring without incident.
WINNER: Mark Henry
Match 7: Diva’s Bikini Contest
This event is hosted in the ring by Michael Cole. Torrie Wilson, Michelle McCool, Krystal, and Victoria all show their stuff. Cole throws in a twist by bringing out South Carolina’s own…Mae Young! I believe JBL speaks for all of us when he yells, “Nooo!”. The 84 year old shakes her wrinkles in the bathing suit and receives the win from her home town crowd fans. Mae tries to strip out of the bikini, but luckily the other Divas stop her!
WINNER: Mae Young
Match 8: Main Event- Batista vs. Finlay
Finlay has brought the best out of Batista in the past, let’s see if the Irishman can do it again. A test of strength and some chain wrestling by The Animal begins this Main Event. Finlay is working stiff, nailing Batista with a clothesline and then crunching him into the steel ring post on the outside. The Great Khali and translator make their way out as the show heads to commercials. Following the break Finlay is able to smother Batista with a modified crossface and hit some kicks until Batista snaps and forces the Irishman to the floor. The Animal clears off the announcers table, but turns his attention to Khali with a steel chair in hand. Finlay uses this to his advantage for a moment, however, a sidewalk slam changes that momentum. Batista sets up a Batista Bomb when Khali gets up on the apron to cause the DQ. The Animal blocks the world champion’s vice claw grip and is able to take the monster down with a spear. Finlay briefly interjects, but is thrown aside by an enraged Batista, allowing the SummerSlam challenger to mount and punch. A bloodied face of Khali ends the program, and does a good job of setting up the main event.
Andy McNamara is a SLAM! Wrestling writer, a play-by-play broadcaster for both Toronto Maple Leafs inter-county league baseball on Rogers television, and on the radio for Durham College sports. Contact Andy at firstname.lastname@example.org