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Raw: Vince goes off his rocker
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling


With One Night Stand no longer an ECW only show, I'm sure we'll see some return matches tonight. And how will losing the ECW Title affect Vince?

THE CHAMP IS HERE! John Cena kicks off the show from Tampa, Florida, and once again he receives a mix of applause and boos. The champ says this is what he loves about the business: Intensity, action, and noise. Tonight, it seems a bit louder, because Khali has been told F-U! Cena talks about the draft, and his experience of moving from Smackdown to Raw. Vince McMahon interrupts the champ, slowly making his way to the ring. Vince says he knows why Cena is here, it's to embarrass and humiliate him. Cena is out there to remind Vince he is no longer a world champion. Vince says he won't break. Cena tells Vince he'll let it slide because he's emotional, and then he tells Vince to suck it up. Vince loses his mind, and makes Cena defend his belt in a triple threat match against the Great Khali and Umaga.

(Okay, something is up with Vince. He's either drunk, or off his meds, or on his meds. The guys is definitely Ted Turner crazy.)

(Um, so Candice Michelle is with Cryme Tyme now? Did I miss a month of wresting?)

Match #1 Cryme Tyme w/ Candice Michelle vs. Nitro and Kenny Dykstra w/ Melina

The guys have to keep Melina and Candice from tearing each other apart to start the match. Kenny and JTG start off, but Nitro gets the quick tag, kicking JTG. The teamwork between Nitro and Dykstra is uncanny, as JTG is catapulted into a forearm, and then Nitro drops the leg. Big Shad gets the hot tag, and takes it to Nitro. The men knock each other down, and the women charge each other. Shade tosses Candice into Melina, and the Shad hits Nitro with the neckbreaker/powerslam combo and covers Nitro for the pin.

Winner: Cryme Tyme w/ Candice Michelle

Maria is admiring Santino Marella's Intercontinetel Title. Vince walks by and takes a shine to the belt. Maria tries to talk and Vince tells her to shut up. Santino takes offense and says something to Vince. The boss snaps, and makes Santino defend the belt tonight.

Match #2 Santino Marella vs. Chris Masters Intercontinental Title Match

Masters dominates early, but after kicking out of pin Marella turns the tables with knees and elbows. Masters rakes the eyes to gain the advantage. Marella hits a chin breaker, and then charges Masters, who ducks, and flapjacks Marella into the ropes. Marella with an arm drag, and combos into a roll-up.

Winner via pinfall: Santino Marella

Cade and Murdoch congratulate the Hardys on retaining their belts last night, and they asks for a title shot, but are willing to wait for the Hardys to heal. Crazy Vince stops by, and tells the Hardys to stop smiling, and tells them they will defend those titles, tonight, against Cade and Murdoch. Vince then comes across Ric Flair and Torrie Wilson. Vince wants to know why Torrie is hanging out with Ric. Torrie then brings up something that happened years ago. She reminds Vince that his wife walked in on the two of them. Vince isn't amused and books Torrie in a match with Carlito. Ric protests, causing Vince to flip out. Vince calls Ric a legend, which leads to a match with Randy Orton.

Match #3 Ric Flair vs. Randy Orton

Flair starts off with a series of chops, chopping him to the floor. A snapmare sends Orton to the floor, and Flair stomps on him. Orton counters a charging Flair with a powerslam. Orton lines up Flair, and we get a commercial for Norbit out of nowhere.

We come back from break, and Orton is in the figure four. Orton strains to get to the ropes, and finally gets to the ropes. After the break, Orton hits a reverse neck breaker, and puts the boots to Flair. Orton drops a knee. Orton slaps on a head lock. Flair breaks free and chops Orton, but Orton counters with a drop kick. Orton whips Flair into corner, and hits the Nature Boy with a back body drop as he bounced out of the corner. Orton slaps on a rear chin lock. Orton punches Flair into the corner, and Flair can barely defend himself. Flair fights back with chops and a thumb to the eye. Flair drops a knee into Orton's head. Flair chases Orton to the outside, but Orton gets the advantage with a clothesline. Orton then follows with a suplex on the floor. Back in the ring, Orton kicks Flair in the head, and the Nature Boy is in trouble. Orton watches as Flair pulls himself up the ropes, only to deliver an RKO. Orton covers for the pin.

Winner via pinfall: Randy Orton

After the bell, referee Marty Elias tries to send Orton to the back, as he checks on Flair. Orton slowly backs up the ramp.

Match #4 Carlito vs. Torrie Wilson

(I really don't want to cover this match. And I don't see anyone making the save, with Flair out of commission, now.)

Carlito tells Torrie he isn't going to do anything. The bell rings, and Carlito lets Torrie walk away, for about a second. He grabs Torrie from behind, and takes her down. He then hits the back cracker and gets the pin.

Winner via pinfall: Carlito

Match #5 The Hardys vs. Cade and Murdoch World Tag Team Title Match

Matt and Cade lock up to start. Cade with a snapmare, but Matt counters with a hammerlock. Cade pulls off an inside cradle, but Matt kicks out. Matt shoots off the ropes, and runs right into a drop kick. Murdoch tags in, and hits Matt with a reverse elbow. Jeff tags in, and the Hardys hit a dual elbow on Murdoch. Jeff hits poetry in motion, but then injures his knee landing awkwardly on a plancha. He staggers over to the corner, and tags in his brother.

After the break, Cade slams Matt, and then drives a knee into Matt's back. Matt runs into a spinebuster, but kicks out of the pin. Murdoch tags in, and Matt is able to fend him off, but not for long. Matt counters a slam with a reverse DDT. Jeff gets the hot tag, despite the injured knee. Jeff hits a drop kick over the top rope, and then hits a series of low drop kicks on Cade. Jeff climbs the turnbuckle, but is cut off by Murdoch. Matt hits the side effect on Cade, but Cade still rolls away from the swanton. Cade covers Jeff, as Murdoch knocks Hardy's foot off the ropes.

Winner via pinfall: Cade and Murdoch

After the match, Matt confronts the new tag champs about Jeff's foot being on the ropes. Cade and Murdoch answer with belt shots to both guys.

Coach is trying to reason with Vince. Mr. McMahon says he can't shake this ominous feeling. But next week he's going to feel so much better.

Coach walks out on stage to pimp next week's draft. Oh, and next week is now Vince McMahon appreciation night.

Match #6 John Cena vs. The Great Khali vs. Umaga WWE Title Triple Threat Match

(Another match I don't want to see or cover. I'm still paying off this laptop, or I would bludgeon myself with it. Just remember folks, I watch so you don't have to.)

Cena runs into a clothesline from Khali. Umaga rolls out of the ring, as Khali works over Cena in the corner. Khali then kicks Cena out of the ring, and tosses the champ into the ring steps. Umaga picks up the top section, tossing it at Cena. The champ ducks and the steps catch Khali. Back in the ring, Umaga charges Cena, who gets his boots up. Cena goes for a sunset flip, but can't get it over, although Cena does avoid Umaga dropping on him. Umaga slams Cena, and then drops on him from the second rope. Cena gets his knees up on Umaga, but gets caught in a flying body press. Umaga hits a sidewalk slam. Umaga and Khali stare each other down in the ring. Khali and Umaga trade punches. Umaga shoots off the ropes, and runs into a leg lariat. Cena tries to set Khali up for an F-U, but Khali elbows his way out. Khali slams Cena to the floor, and then drops a leg across the champ's neck. Khali covers, but Cena gets a foot on the ropes. Khali keeps Umaga from entering the ring, and goes back to work on Cena. Khali grabs Cena by the throat, but Umaga breaks the hold, and Khali is tied up in the ropes. Cena dodges a corner charges, as Khali gets free. Umaga hits Khali in the neck with the Samoan Spike. Cena launches himself at Umaga, knocking him from the ring, and then sets his sights on Khali. Cena sets up the F-U, and gets the pin.

Winner via pinfall: John Cena

Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Dale is looking forward to reading the multitude of mock drafts that should be coming out this week.