Smackdown: Edge addresses the masses
ANDY McNAMARA - SLAM! Wrestling
The Rated R era begins tonight as Edge makes his inaugural address as the new World Heavyweight champion. Before that happens, however, fans will be treated to a live performance from the one and only Ozzy Osbourne. In case you tuned in for some technical wrestling action both Chris Benoit and MVP are in singles matches to prepare for their battle at Judgement Day on Sunday. From Baltimore, here comes Smackdown!
Match 1: Matt Hardy vs. MVP
The two Superstars exchange opening arm drags before MVP uses his power advantage to gain control. Hardy scores a near fall with a second rope elbow drop, however MVP quickly recovers and continues to target the neck/back area of Matt. Following two ferocious boots to the face throughout the match and a couple of submissions, Hardy is able to sneak in a Side Effect for a two-count. They battle back and forth until MVP connects with The Play Maker for the pinfall.
WINNER: MVP Match 2: Six-Man Tag - Paul London, Brian Kedrick and Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Deuce, Domino, and Chavo Guerreo.
London, Kendrick, and yang are making Deuce and Domino look like a million dollars as the mixture of speed and power styles clash. Kendrick captures the momentum for his team with a perfect side kick to the apron knocking Domino to the outside and then tagging to Wang. As London takes care of any interference Wang is able to connect with an amazing moonsault from the top turnbuckle to a standing Chavo for the 1-2-3.
WINNERS: London, Kendrick & Wang
Match 3: Mark Henry vs. Funaki
Oh poor Funaki, this one should be short and painful for Smackdown’s #1 reporter. Funaki’s flying cross body bounces limply off of the massive chest of Henry. A missed elbow gives Funaki a glimmer of hope, but that is quickly taken away once The World’s Strongest Man catches the cruiserweight in mid-air off of the top rope and converts that into a powerslam. Count it three, Mark Henry is back.
WINNER: Mark Henry
Match 4:Non-title - Chris Benoit (c) vs. Finlay
This should be another technical classic for these two. Benoit and Finlay battle back and forth before the Irishman is able to isolate the left knee. Eventually the U.S. title holder escapes and is able to connect with a series of German suplexes to turn the tide.
Hornswaggle tries to interfere, but Benoit turns around just in time to attempt a mini Sharpshooter. Finlay rushes from behind with the shillelagh, however, the champ catches his opponent and slaps on the Crossface. Before the inevitable tap out MVP storms down to cause the DQ. Benoit begins taking it to his Judgment Day foe until Finlay smashes the shillelagh into The Rabid Wolverine. From there MVP goes to town on Benoit and leaves him in a heap at the centre of the ring.
WINNER: Chris Benoit by DQ
Ashley then introduces Ozzy Osbourne to sing a song off of his new album Black Rain.
Match 5: The Miz vs. Christian York
A jobber facing a jobber how interesting. Miz jumps off to a quick start hitting a neckbreaker and a leaping clothesline into the corner. Wow what a boring match. The finish comes with a swinging neckbreaker.
WINNER: The Miz
GM Theodore Long chats with Krystal about Vicky Guerrero interviewing to be Long’s Assistant General Manager. *Sigh* just what we need. Vicky tries sweet talking Theodore by saying that Krystal always talks about him ... I smell screw job.
Match 6: Kane vs. William Regal w/ Dave Taylor
Before the bell sounds Boogey Man and Little Boogey Man crawl through the curtain to watch Kane’s back. Regal is initially backed up but is able to stop The Big Red Machine cold when catching him with two knees to the chest. Surprisingly Regal is actually hanging in this one with a drop toe hold and a series of submissions. After being dominated for most of the match Kane connects with the chokeslam out of nowhere for the three count. Following the bell big and little Boogey try to smother Regal with worms, but his partner Taylor was able to save him from that embarrassment.
GM Theodore Long now introduces the new World Heavyweight champion Edge for his Smackdown title debut speech. JBL is proclaiming that Edge is a legend and a hall of famer -- can’t say I disagree with him. The Rated R Superstar introduces himself to the Smackdown fans and generally hypes himself up. Edge reiterates that he did in three seconds what Batista couldn’t do in three months, and that’s defeat The Undertaker for the world title. The Animal comes down to the ring and tells Edge that the championship belongs to him. Batista keeps his statement short and sweet and the program goes off the air with the two combatants standing nose to nose.
Andy McNamara is a freelance writer for SLAM! Wrestling and the play-by-play radio sportscaster for Durham College Sports. Do you think Edge will retain his title against Batista this Sunday? Let Andy know at email@example.com.