Tonight on ECW, I fear two things are certain: Rob Van Dam will get buried by someone with half his talent and Bobby Lashley will continue to look like Superman. The good news is that Vince McMahon will not be on the show tonight. Hallelujah!
OK, I lied. After the Lashley-Jonathan Coachman match/post-match shenanigans from last night are recapped, Vince shows up "via satellite" from the "WWE Studios." He goes on and on about how good he looks in his do-rag and that it's all Lashley's fault. He then announces Lashley against The New Breed tonight and says Sunday at Judgment Day that he's keeping the ECW title. Can we ever go just one night without seeing a 60-year-old man in a do-rag?
Match # 1 – Rob Van Dam vs. Snitsky
I expected a squash, but RVD gets in his usual offense, but Snitsky has no idea how to take or sell a bump. Snitsky misses his big boot and crotches himself on the top rope. Van Dam kicks Gene to the floor, but is met with a clothesline. Snitsky grabs a chair and brains RVD in front of the ref for a cheap disqualification. Like I've said before, a DQ on a show called "extreme?" Hogwash.
Winner via disqualification: Rob Van Dam
A CM Punk video package is shown and Punk's match is next.
Match # 2 – CM Punk vs. Stevie Richards
Again? Does Richards only wrestle Punk these days? Can't he replace Sabu in the Originals faction? Punk's ribs are taped from last week's encounter with Elijah Burke and Marcus Cor Von. This match is pretty decent i.e. Richards deserves somewhat of a push. Richards goes for a tornado DDT from the top rope, but Punk counters it into the Go To Sleep.
Winner via pinfall: CM Punk
Burke, Cor Von and Matt Striker are in the back and Burke rags Striker some more for getting pinned two weeks ago in a tag match by one of the Major Brothers. Burke then foams at the mouth talking about his match Sunday with Punk.
Match # 3 – Nunzio vs. Kevin Thorn w/ Ariel
Thorn is all over Guido from the get-go, but the former Cruiserweight champ gets some offense in, only to see Thorn quash that with the Dark Kiss and that's all she wrote.
Winner via pinfall: Kevin Thorn
Bathroom break. More hype for the box office bomb Stone Cold movie. Enough, already!
Sandwich break. The song of choice this week for Layla, Brooke and Kelly Kelly is Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake. Horrible song. Horrible segment. This does nothing for me.
The Lashley-McMahon stuff from last night is shown again. Yeah, we get it. Vince McMahon knows how to swing a World title belt. Impressive.
Lashley cuts a promo saying tonight, he doesn't see Striker, Burke or Cor Von, he sees Vince, Shane McMahon and Umaga and Sunday, he will regain his ECW gold.
Match # 4 – Handicap Match - Bobby Lashley vs. The New Breed (Elijah Burke, Marcus Cor Von & Matt Striker)
Sloppy at first. Monty hits Lashley with a very awkward Pounce (Lashley saw it coming, scooted towards the ropes and basically threw himself over the top to sell the move. Brutal). Lashley gets back in the ring, but Burke suddenly forgets how to make a pin and Tazz notes it. Tazz and Joey Styles both sounded a bit on edge tonight, by the way. Anyway, to make a boring story short, Lashley makes his dramatic comeback, hits a one-handed slam on Striker and spears Teach for the pin and Burke and MCV gets peeved outside.
Winner via pinfall: Bobby Lashley
Striker crawls out and is berated some more by Burke. So much for The New Breed, eh?
Lashley poses in the ring and the show thankfully ends.
I agree with you, ECW continues to be a bore, but not because of Vince. I don't mind Vince having the belt, because honestly who really cares AND it's better than Shane or Umaga having it.I totally agree with you, ECW is boring and it has been for a while. Vince is actually the best champion they've had in over a year and that's pretty sad. Let's all pray that he doesn't drop the belt to his son Shane at Judgment Day. Then I'll be the one heaving. --D.T.
Why torment yourself anymore? Just stop! Wrestling is lost! VKM has destroyed main stream wrestling. It's about the indies my friend. Save the remaining brain cells from torment. Go to a local spot and maybe the wrestling there will be better; it has a better chance since its wrestlers! --L.E.
Couldn’t agree more, ECW is rubbish, there are only a handful of decent workers, and all the matches seem like we’ve seen them 100 times already. What I’d really like to know is what is extreme about ECW? Sad thing is as usual I’ll be tuning in next week. --A.Z.
Thanks for reviewing WWECW. Now I don’t have to actually watch it unless you say there is a few decent matches on the show. --S.R.
I hope ECW sticks around just so that I can read these reviews – they are pretty funny. I obviously couldn’t agree with you more – I haven’t tuned in to one single ECW show since its new inception (I watched the original ECW show every single Friday). What a complete waste. How do these guys think ECW even got anywhere near being a threat to WWE – by doing something different. --J.M.
No Sabu? No problem. He was only half the performer he was back in the day. Perhaps he and RVD will meet up soon down in Orlando. What's your take? Email Matt at email@example.com and your replies will be posted in Macker's Mailbag in two weeks..