It's official! The Road to Wrestlemania starts tonight in Dallas, Texas. And with The Undertaker winning the Royal Rumble, the number one contender for the WWE Title is up for grabs ... or is it?
The Royal Rumble runner-up Shawn Michaels kicks off the show. HBK says 29 mortal men entered the Rumble, but unfortunately so did The Undertaker. Michaels says he will keep his promise, though. The Showstopper is back, and he will win the WWE Title Wrestlemania. Since Undertaker has a choice at what title he wants, Shawn throws his hat in the ring.
The champ, John Cena, walks out and says he likes the sound of Cena versus the Showstopper, but that's up to the Undertaker. Edge interrupts and he was right that HBK would be disappointed. Edge then claims he has the right to a WWE title shot.
Randy Orton, and partner of Edge, chimes in. Orton thinks he deserves a shot, since he has never faced Cena. Edge says there's a reason for that. The champ tells both of them to get to the ring, but Mr.
McMahon interrupts. He reminds us that he tells the crowd what they want, so tonight on Mr. McMahon Fan appreciation night, Edge and Orton will take on HBK and Cena for the World Tag Team belts.
Cryme Tyme give shout outs to their boys in Dallas, and JTG also give one to a special lady from the club.
Match # 1 -- Cryme Tyme vs. The World's Greatest Tag Team
(Haas has cornrows now, trying to up his street cred.) Haas slaps a hammerlock on Shad. Haas is knocked down with a shoulder block, and Shad knocks Benjamin off the apron. JTG taunts Haas, as
the ref reprimands JTG; Benji hits Shad with a kick to the back of the knee. Benjamin tags in and stomps away at Shad. Benjamin goes for a roll up, but instead rolls through into a single leg Boston crab. JTG gets the hot tag, and cleans house. Haas gets a back body drop, and Shad tries to toss Shelton from the ring. Benjamin skins the cat, and catches Shad with head scissors to spill him to the floor. Shelton gets rolled up up by JTG, but Haas interferes with a DDT, allowing Benjamin to reverse the pin.
Winner via pinfall: The World's Greatest Tag Team
In Vince's office, Melina thanks Vince for giving her what she wants. Coach enters and tells the boss everything is ready for
Mr. McMahon Fan Appreciation Night. Vince says after tonight he will be ranked among the top humanitarians in history.
Match #2 -- Melina vs. Maria -- Number One Contender match
Melina calls this a "first contender's match", which she asked Vince for. (Well, so much for that promo.) Maria is served up for a beating, and Melina cashes in on it. (Maria doesn't belong in the ring, and shouldn't Victoria have something to say about the number one contender for the Women's title?)
Winner via pinfall: Melina
Todd Grisham gets a word with HBK about teaming with John Cena. All the Showstopper says is Cena is no Triple H.
Super Crazy asks Mickie James if she remembers when everyone thought she was crazy. He then does his "Super" and "Crazy" shtick. Melina interrupts and tells Mickie there's nothing she can do to keep her title. She then insults Super Crazy in Spanish, and Super Crazy has Mickie slap Melina. Melina jumps Mickie on the wardrobe table, and sequins fly everywhere. The two are eventually separated, but the poor seamstress has quite a mess to clean up.
Edge is talking to Cade and Murdoch about Orton. They call Orton overrated,
but Edge defends his partner. He says together, no one can beat them.
Match #3 Umaga vs. Val Venis
Val Venis is officially a jobber. He wasn't in the Rumble, even though some guys pulled double duty, and now he's just cannon fodder for Umaga. Venis succumbs to the Samoan Spike.
Winner via pinfall: Umaga
Mr. McMahon passes Umaga on his way to the ring. Vince first stomps
on his cowboy hat, riling up the crowd. Vince then says he wants to give back on Fan Appreciation Night. (If he really wanted to give back he'd fire Khali, and stop holding down ECW favorites ... **cough** CM Punk **cough**) Vince thanks the fans for making him a billionaire, but he can't give everyone a gift tonight. He pulls a young lady out of the crowd and presents to her a blown up of cover of the Muscle and Fitness Magazine he was on. Donald Trump (HOLY CRAP! He's actually doing it!) interrupts. Trumps says he'll give the fans what they want, money. Trump cues buckets of money to drop, and cold hard cash rains from the ceiling. (What!?! I see hundreds in the mix; those lucky, lucky Dallas fans. All I ever got at a WWE show was Hershey kisses.) Vince storms to the back, telling Trump he hasn't heard the last of this.
Vince gets in his limo and
speeds off, as Coach tries to suck up.
Match #4 -- Carlito and Super Crazy vs. Chris Masters and Kenny Dykstra
Super Crazy and Masters start things off. Crazy leaps off the ropes to hit a cross body, and then a low drop kick. Super then hits a corkscrew elbow. Kenny tags in. Super rolls through a sunset flip, and hits Kenny in the face with a low drop kick. Carlito tags in, hitting a head scissors on Kenny. Crazy makes a blind tag, and Kenny is knocked to the outside. Masters jumps in, and is also knocked to the floor. Carlito and Super Crazy dive through the ropes, and connect with their opponents. Back in the ring, Masters hits a backbreaker on Crazy. Kenny tags in,
hitting a fist drop from the middle rope. Masters tags back in, and Crazy is hit with a double team vertical suplex. Masters drops elbows on Crazy. Kenny slaps on a reverse chin lock. Super Crazy fights his way out, and then blocks a suplex. Carlito gets the hot tag, as Masters tags in. Carlito hits a springboard back elbow and a running knee lift. A dropkick sends Masters to the mat. Kenny breaks the count, but Super Crazy takes care of Kenny. Masters lifts Carlito for a press slam, but Carlito counters by raking the eyes. Carlito hits the back cracker, and covers Masters for the win.
Winner via pinfall: Carlito and Super Crazy
Todd Grisham interview Randy Orton. Grisham ask about the tension
between he and Edge. Orton says winning the tag belts with Edge is a highlight of his career. Orton says it's up to the Undertaker, as he dances around the questions. Orton says he is looking forward to being victorious tonight.
Match #5 -- Jeff Hardy vs. The Great Khali -- Intercontinental Title Match
The Great Khali no sells almost everything. Hardy is set on the top rope, and Khali punches him to the floor. Hardy can't get up, and is counted out. Khali makes no attempt to bring him into the ring. (At least Jeff can keep his title.)
Winner via count out : The Great Khali
It's time for another painful interview with Vladimir Kozlov. He says he wasn't impressed with the Rumble.
Backstage, Ric Flair gives John Cena some advice. Flair warns Cena to watch out for a super kick after the match, if they win the tag titles, since HBK is so focused on the WWE Title.
Match #6 -- Shawn Michaels and John Cena vs. Edge and Randy Orton -- World Tag Team Championship Match
HBK waits for his partner at the edge of the ramp, instead of getting in the ring. The two slide in together, chasing the heels from the ring. Edge and Michaels lock up to start. Edge punches HBK in the corner. Michaels responds with chops, and an enzuigiri. Edge is smashed into a turnbuckle, and then chopped some more. Michaels is whipped off the ropes, and catches Edge with a knee lift. Cena tags in, hitting a big hip lock. The champ with a turnbuckle smash to Edge, and follows up with a DDT. Edge tags out, and Orton works over the champ in the corner. Orton mounts Cena, punching him with hard rights. Cena reverse and whip, and catches Orton with a fisherman's suplex. Orton recovers, and stomps on Cena in the corner. Cena fights back, pushing Orton into Edge knocking him off the apron. Edge walks away, as we go to break.
After the break, Edge is back in the ring, getting hammered by Cena. The champ goes for the five-knuckle shuffle, but Orton hits a cheap shot from the apron. Cena rolls to the floor. Edge tosses him back in, getting a near fall. Cena can't make the tag, and Orton tags in. Orton stomps away at the champ, and then drops a knee on him. Orton re-opens the wound on Cena's forehead. Orton locks in a headlock/leg scissors. Cena gets to his feet, and slams into the turnbuckle to break the hold. Orton whips Cena into the ropes, but misses the dropkick, as the champ holds on to stop his momentum. HBK gets the hot tag, and clears the ring. Edge falls victim to the flying forearm, inverted atomic drop, and scoop slam. HBK climbs the turnbuckle and connects with the flying forearm. Michaels warms up the band, but Orton cuts him off with a drop kick. Orton gets a legal tag, and sets up for an RKO,
which HBK blocks. Cena gets the tag, scooping up Orton. Cena hits the F-U and covers Orton. 1-2-3 and we have new World Tag Team Champions.
Winner via pinfall : Shawn Michaels and John Cena
After the match, Cena catches HBK warming up the band. Cena yells at HBK, pointing to the belt, asking if it's about this. Then a bell tolls, and the lights go out. (You know what that means) Undertaker rises up through the stage, with flames behind him and stares into the ring. Cena and HBK look on in disbelief.
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Dale Plummer has been writing for
SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Dale is actually happy Trump showed up on RAW. He thinks everyone would rather see Vince feud with the Don, instead of a WWE Superstar. Voice you dissent at Dplummer627@yahoo.com.