January 24, 2007
ECW: Lashley gains momentum
By MATT MACKINDER - SLAM! Wrestling
ECW comes to us live tonight from Mobile, Alabama. Does this mean Hardcore Holly will have a big role on the show, being that Mobile is his hometown? Something tells me not to hold my breath.
The show starts with The Sandman entering the ring as we get set for an Over The Top Rope Challenge. These things aren't called battle royals any more?
Sabu, Kevin Thorn, Tommy Dreamer and Rob Van Dam are all in this match, a rare 5-Man Battle Royal. Not sure I understand the point, but Joey Styles calls it a precursor to Sunday's Royal Rumble.
Match # 1 -- Over The Top Rope Challenge
Sabu hits a top-rope Hurricanrana on Dreamer and both tumble over the top and to the floor. Then Thorn pitches Sandman. RVD kicks Thorn over the top and onto the ring apron and then goes to the top and kicks Thorn off to win this battle royal quickie.
Winner: Rob Van Dam
It's then announced that Test will face ECW champ Bobby Lashley in the main event later on. Why? Aren't we paying $50 to see that Sunday?
Match # 2 -- "The Alpha Male" Marquis Cor Von vs. Wes Adams
A squash as Cor Von makes the Mobile native tap after his rolling armbar.
Winner via submission: Marquis Cor Von
Holly confronts Test in the back and says he wants an ECW title match and doesn't care who he has to go through.
Kelly Kelly comes out with Layla and Brooke and they call themselves Extreme Exposé. They gyrate and flop around to Ice Cube's You Can Do It before the music abruptly stops and the gals look pissed.
With no explanation for the stopping of the dancing, we then get a video montage of Test. I'm confused.
Matt Striker comes out to join Tazz and Styles at the announcer's table.
Match # 3 -- CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke
An okay match that goes back and forth early. Burke looks lost and puts Punk in a series of chinlocks that had me chanting "Borrrrring, Borrrrring." Punk tries for a Victory Roll, but Burke sits out and grabs the tights. Punk reverses that and gets a clean three.
Winner via pinfall: CM Punk
Match # 4 -- Non-Title Match -- ECW Champion Bobby Lashley vs. Test
I still don't see why we get this match for free tonight. It would make sense for Lashley to face Holly. Wouldn't it?
Lashley jumps Test on the floor before the bell. Back in the ring, Test powers out of a powerslam attempt and rolls to the floor and we pay some bills.
Back from break, boos are echoing throughout the arena as Test has the champ in the move of the night, a rear chinlock. Test takes the turnbuckle pad off a buckle and as referee Scott Armstrong tends to the repairs, Test removes the padding off the top buckle on the other side.
Lashley goes chest-first into the exposed buckle and Test nails a Pump Handle Slam for a near fall. Test goes outside and grabs a chair, but Lashley spears him. Still no response from the crowd.
The champ hits his delayed suplex and Test rolls outside. Lashley tosses Test into the steps and gets him back inside where Lashley wins with the Bulldog powerslam.
Winner: Bobby Lashley
Now Hardcore Holly runs in and grabs the mic and challenges the winner of the Lashley-Test match at the Rumble. Well, no, but that's how I would have scripted the ending of this match.
Raw and Smackdown have solid shows before major pay-per-views, but for ECW (I'm calling it Tuesday Night Velocity from now on), it's just another Tuesday night gong show that makes me want to gouge out my eyes with a butter knife.
Matt Mackinder's wife hides all sharp objects from him on Tuesday nights. Email Matt at email@example.com.