ECW: A return, a debut, a title match
MATT MACKINDER - SLAM! Wrestling
Tonight's main event on ECW is a Triple Threat Match for the ECW title between champ Bobby Lashley and challengers Rob Van Dam and Test. Should I be excited? I would have thought this match would be Royal Rumble material. In any event, on with the show from Little Rock, Arkansas.
The returning Kelly Kelly comes out and announces that Kelly's Expose' returns next week and she won't be dancing alone. She then starts to give the crowd a preview, but is interrupted (of course) by not Mike Knox, but by Matt Striker the killjoy.
Striker rambles on and on belittling women and Kelly and announces his match is next and it's against the object of Kelly's affection, CM Punk.
Match # 1 -- CM Punk vs. Matt Striker
Punk works on Striker's left arm throughout the match. The match, one that had Striker looking bored at times, was a tad above average and that's being very generous. Striker looks like he's about to go for a Rude Awakening when Kelly hops up on the apron and flashes Teach. Striker ogles and Punk counters with a backslide to get the three count.
Winner via pinfall: CM Punk
I expected some sort of a run-in by Hardcore Holly. Guess the Holly-Punk feud has come to an end.
Match # 2 -- "The Alpha Male" Marquis Cor Van vs. Cassidy Riley
The debuting Monty Brown against the, well, debuting Cassidy Riley. The TNA chants start almost immediately. Cor Von hits the Pounce (it won't be called that I'm sure), but Tazz and Joey Styles, sans Brad Armstrong, just remark how far Riley jumped, er, flew. Cor Von then hits a side Russian Legsweep and rolls through
for an armbar. Riley taps quickly.
Winner via submission: Marquis Cor Von
Cor Von grabs the mic and hypes his debut, which wasn't all that bad. Every time he stops talking, the crowd serenades him with "What?" This seems to distract Cor Von, but he finishes the promo.
Lashley is in the back hyping the Triple Threat Match and guaranteeing he'll still be the champ at night's end.
The WrestleMania Recall showed the
Piper's Pit from WrestleMania V in 1989 when Rowdy Roddy Piper sprayed Morton Downey, Jr. with a fire extinguisher.
Match # 3 -- The Sandman vs. Elijah Burke w/ Sylvester Terkay
With Sandman in the ring, Burke is interviewed backstage a la the old Saturday Night's Main Event promos. As for the match, it was possibly the worst EVER. Sandman blasts Sylvester Terkay with the Singapore cane before the bell and Burke attacks. Burke goes to the top for what I guess was supposed to be a moonsault, but Sandman crotches him. Sandman goes up to do God knows what, but Burke pushes him off and
follows him down, grabbing a handful of jeans for a three count. No one is really sure the match is over and I really don't understand why something else couldn't have taken up this three-minute time slot. Absolutely brutal.
Winner via pinfall: Elijah Burke
Once again, Sandman is used in an unfortunate matter and is now a jobber to the "stars" it appears. Talk about a bum deal.
RVD is stretching in the
A recap of last week's Tommy Dreamer-The Great Khali match is shown. Why? Khali is on Raw and Dreamer is, well, still sadly on ECW.
Kevin Thorn and Ariel are in a dark room someplace and Ariel predicts Thorn will win the Royal Rumble and go on to the main event at WrestleMania 23. If that happens, a round of drinks on me to any SLAM! Wrestling staff member that comes to Detroit in 10-1/2 weeks.
Match # 4 -- ECW World Title Triple Threat Match -- ECW Champion Bobby Lashley vs. Rob Van Dam vs.
I've decided I don't like Lashley's new entrance music.
Lashley jumps Test on the floor before the bell. Inside, RVD and Lashley go at it and both botch a move or two, pretty much par for the course with these two.
All three wrestlers take turns breaking up pin attempts. Test nails his top-rope elbow on Lashley, but only gets two. RVD hits his kicks on Test and Lashley and nails both with Rolling Thunder before landing the Five Star Frog Splash on Test, who rolls to the outside. Lashley spears RVD and then wins with the Bulldog
Winner via pinfall and still ECW champion: Bobby Lashley
Test starts to walk off with the ECW belt and, as Lashley chases him down, clocks Lashley with the title. Test then screams at Lashley and raises his arms and bellows like Khali.
Another average (read: horrendous) show with CM Punk the lone highlight, though Cor Von was I guess decent. How about Punk goes to Raw and, I don't know, The Highlanders or Viscera go to ECW? Punk deserves better in my eyes. And so do the dozens of WWECW fans that go to WWE shows just to start a TNA
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Matt Mackinder once again fell asleep watching ECW, but taped it on the DVR. It has now been deleted. Email Matt at email@example.com.