January 16, 2007
Raw: DX isn't quite dead
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
Is DX dead? Ah, the question of week, but I have more. Why does Vince McMahon hate us? And does WWE realize that the Royal Rumble is less then two weeks away? More on that later, as Monday Night RAW comes to us from Bossier City, Louisiana.
The Champ is HERE! John Cena kicks off the show, again. He joins Coach in the ring for an old-school contract signing. Umaga and Armando Alejandro Estrada join the party. Coach decides to up the ante for the title match at the Rumble, by letting Estrada pick the stipulation. Estrada says he wants a match that can't be won on a fluke, so he decides on a "Last Man Standing" match. Estrada signs for Umaga. Cena says they should know two things. First, he is crazy enough to sign, and second, he is full of surprises. Cena leaps over the table, and knocks Umaga from the ring. Cena then tosses the big man into the ring steps. The champ the makes sure Umaga stays down by nailing him in the head with the steps. Cena grabs Estrada and heads back into the ring, where he F-U's Armando through the contract table.
(Well, maybe Vince doesn't hate us. Just remember, the Great Khali could be in the main event.)
Match # 1 -- Jeff Hardy and Maria vs. Johnny Nitro and Melina -- Mixed Tag Team Match
Hardy and Nitro start off. Nitro clubs Jeff, and takes him down with a European uppercut. He follows by a leg drop. Nitro blocks a Twist of Fate, and the women tag in. Maria slaps Melina, and then smashes her face into the turnbuckle, and gets two count after a bulldog. Nitro trips up Maria, and Melina takes advantage of the distraction. Melina locks in a camel clutch. Maria fights back, but is cut down by a boot to the stomach. Melina tries a side slam, but Maria counters into a head scissors. Nitro tags in, and knocks Hardy off the apron. He sets his sights on Maria, but she stomps on his foot and scurries out of the ring. Jeff returns, and hits a mule kick. He follows with a Whisper in the Wind. Melina slows Hardy on the top tope, but Maria knocks her off the apron. Nitro attempts a superplex, but Jeff pushes Nitro off. Hardy follows with a swanton bomb. Jeff covers and gets the three count.
Winner via pinfall: Jeff Hardy and Maria
Coach joins Vince in his office, with Coach saying it isn't his fault. Vince tries to "call" Donald Trump. Vince gets "connected" to Trump's personal secretary. Apparently, the Don is at dinner, so Vince asks that he call ASAP. Vince "hangs up", certain that Trump will "call".
Rated RKO walk out on stage. (Awwww, they're wearing matching vests.) DX's music hits, but flat lines. Orton then explains the metaphor, and says Triple H got off light. They will take out HBK for good, tonight. Orton then heads to the back. Edge says this is where HBK had his first match, fitting, since tonight will be his last. Edge then goes to check on Orton. Moments later, they drag a beaten and bloody Hacksaw Jim Duggan out on stage. Edge says Hacksaw is an example; an example of what they will do if anyone tries to help HBK. Edge drives home the point with a one-man con-chair-to to Duggan.
Match #2 -- Ric Flair vs. Kenny Dykstra
Flair gets Kenny in the corner, and nails him with knife-edge chops. Flair takes Kenny down with a side-head lock. Kenny hits a vertical suplex, and then goes for a figure four. Flair breaks the hold, but makes it to the ropes. Dykstra goes back to the well, but Flair kicks him out of the ring. Flair with more chops. Kenny whips Flair into the corner, but Flair answers with a reverse elbow. The Nature Boy climbs the turnbuckle, and actually hits a clothesline. Dykstra lands on his feet after a suplex and goes for a roll up. Flair reverses, but cannot get the pin. Flair then tries another roll up, getting his feet on the ropes for leverage. The ref doesn't see it, and the Nature Boy gets the pin.
Winner via pinfall: Ric Flair
Todd Grisham catches up with Shawn Michaels as he enters the arena. HBK is sorry that Duggan got caught up in this mess, and he only has one partner, Triple H. Shawn says he will take care of Rated RKO alone. Just then Ric Flair tells HBK that he has his back.
Vince is upset that Donald Trump hasn't "called" him back. Looks like Vince got a "letter" from the Don. Trump wasn't amused by last week's skit, and found it poorly produced and not up to WWE standards. (I guess he hasn't watched in a while.) Vince is upset the Trump criticized his work, and tonight he'll give him some compelling television.
(Maybe Trump did send that letter, because there is no way that WWE writers came up with that.)
Vince is in the ring upset that Trump hasn't called him back. Vince says many people enjoyed the skit. Vince then shows it again. (Why? Why do hate us, Vince?) And then he shows it in slow motion. (I'm going to stab myself in the neck.) Vince says he tells the audience what they want, unlike Trump who asks. And Vince says the audience loves it. (I'm confused, is this a work or a shoot?) Vince goes on to say he would have handled the Miss USA scandal differently, and it would have looked something like this.
Vince calls out Miss USA, a.k.a. Torrie Wilson, to the ring. Torrie pulls out a prepared statement and reads, "I am Miss USA, and I have been a very bad girl. What can I do to make it up to you, Mr. McMahon, America's favorite billionaire?" (Well, since he couldn't pick a fight with Rosie, I guess Vince has set his sights on Trump. I don't think Trump will bite; he has bigger things to worry about. Like why The Apprentice is in the rating toilet.)
Vince is cut off by Carlito's music. Carlito tells Vince that the skit sucked last week, and this skit is brutal. Carlito says the people wants to see a fight, so Vince takes of his jacket, and tells Carlito he can fight ... the Great Khali. Carlito tries to get in a shot, but Khali shrugs it off, and responds with a head butt. Khali then blocks a springboard back elbow, and stomps him to the mat. Khali finishes off Carlito with a slam. Vince taunts Carlito by saying that was cool.
Match #3 -- Mickie James vs. Victoria -- Women's Title Match
Victoria takes Mickie down by the hair, and then whips her into the corner. Mickie returns the favor, and Victoria rolls from the ring. Mickie spanks Victoria as she tries to re-enter the ring. Mickie is tossed through the ropes to the outside, and Victoria follows with a baseball slide. Mickie is tossed across the ring. Victoria catches a kick, and gives Mickie the splits. James ducks a clothesline, and hits Victoria with one. A reverse elbow slows Victoria, but she counters a DDT turning it into a side slam. Mickie ducks another clothesline, and answers with a thrust kick. The women's champ covers and gets the pin.
Winner via pinfall: Mickie James
Master Lock Challenge
Chris Masters guarantees he will win the Rumble, because no one can break the Masterlock. In fact, he has a note from Vince that says the Masterlock was never broken, and issues the challenge. Ron Simmons answers the bell. Masters doesn't seem to want any part of Simmons, so Ron shoves him across the ring. Masters accepts Simmons' bid, and after some posturing, locks on the hold. Simmons fights, and nearly breaks it, when Super Crazy hits the ring. Masters breaks the hold after getting kicked in the leg. Super Crazy then hits a low drop kick to Masters' face. Crazy then hits a tornado DDT, and follows with a moonsault. Ron Simmons only has one thing to say, "DAMN!"
Todd Grisham has breaking news. Ric Flair has been knocked out, and Rated RKO is at large. Could it be a message to HBK? (I don't know, Todd! If I wanted my intelligence insulted, I'd watch FOX News.)
Match #4 -- JTG w/ Big Shad vs. Shelton Benjamin w/ Charlie Haas
Shelton starts off with a knee to the gut, following with a "thunderous" clothesline. JTG responds with a cross body block. Shelton hits a shoulder breaker, and hammers away at JTG. Shelton with a key lock, and then tosses JTG into the corner. JTG fights out of the corner, hitting a reverse elbow and a drop kick. Shelton nails a boot to the face, as Shad exposes a turnbuckle. Benjamin sets up a power bomb, but Shad trips him up, allowing JTG to drop into a pinfall.
Winner via pinfall: JTG w/ Big Shad
Todd Grisham has an update on Ric Flair. The Nature Boy is en route to the hospital. Grisham tries to get a word with Michaels. HBK says he isn't going down alone, and will take everyone he can down with him. He then hits Grisham with Sweet Chin Music.
A video of Triple H's surgery is shown. (And this is why I never wanted to become a doctor. I'm not a big fan of sharp things poking people.)
Match #5 -- Rated RKO vs. Shawn Michaels -- 2 on 1 handicapped match
Edge asks the fans, "Are you ready?" Edge wants the fans to hold their signs high, so security can confiscate them. (Hey, its just like a house show.) Edge and Orton rip up the signs in the ring. Edge tells HBK not even the fans can help him tonight.
HBK comes to the ring alone. He sprints to the ring, and takes out both Edge and Orton. Michaels with a back body drop to Orton, and then clotheslines him out of the ring. HBK stomps away at Edge in the corner. Edge gets a boot up to stop a Michael's charge. HBK hits a swinging beck breaker, but then telegraphs a move. Orton tags back in, and punches HBK. Orton crashes and burns on a drop kick, and Michaels capitalizes with a flurry of fists. Edge pulls down the top rope, and HBK spills to the floor. Edge corners HBK, and opens him up with punches. Edge occupies the ref, and Orton punches away. Orton hits an inverted back breaker. Orton taunts HBK, by asking where Triple H is. Michaels is whipped hard into the corner, but responds with a hard clothesline. Edge tags back in, and readies a spear. HBK sidesteps it, and Edge spears Orton off the apron. HBK chops away at Edge, and hits a lying forearm. HBK nips up, and hits the inverted atomic drop. After a scoop slam, Shawn climbs the turnbuckle. HBK drives an elbow into Edge. Shawn gets up, and starts to warm up the band. Orton jumps in, but is taken down. HBK gets up, and Edge nails him with the spear. Edge brings in two chairs, and the ref calls for the bell.
Winner via DQ : HBK
Edge sets up the one man con-chair-to, but Shawn kicks out, driving the chair into Edge's face. He then drop Orton onto a chair with a toe hold, and slides out of the ring to get the newest member of DX ... the sledgehammer! HBK drives the sledge into Edge's midsection, and then off of Orton's skull. HBK drags Orton to the middle of the ring, and then scares Edge out of the ring. Edge looks on as HBK hits the one-man con-chair-to on Randy
Orton. DX lives on; DX will not die this day.
Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Dale can't wait to see whom Vince tries to pick a fight with. Suggestions for whom you think the next celeb Vince will target can be sent to Dale at Dplummer627@yahoo.com.