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Raw: Packed show ends with bloody mess
By DALE PLUMMER - SLAM! Wrestling


Christmas is still a week away, but WWE has given us a present. It's an extra hour of RAW from Washington, D.C. I hope they kept the receipt.

Most of the combatants for the Battle Royal are all ready in the ring. The winner will face John Cena tonight for the WWE title.

Match # 1 -- 30 Man Battle Royal

This is too much for one man to handle, so let's skip to some highlights.

Carlito chases Masters outside the ring, only to get caught with a spear from Edge. Back in the ring, Masters throws Carlito over the top rope.

Sightings: The Brooklyn Brawler! (Um, he didn't win.) Snitsky. (I too am surprised he's still on the roster.)

Ron Simmons' reaction to being eliminated: "DAMN!"

With five men left in the ring, HBK is surrounded by Lance Cade (Yes, Lance Cade), Edge, Orton, Masters and Nitro. HBK shoots out of the corner, laying haymakers. Michaels sidesteps Nitro, tossing him over the top rope. Orton and Cade take inverted atomic drops, and HBK follows with a flying elbow to Orton. Edge is knocked off the apron with Sweet Chin Music, but never goes over the top rope. Orton eliminates Cade, who was dumb enough to turn his back. Orton yells at HBK to get up. Shawn blocks an RKO. Orton charges, and HBK back drops him over the rope. Edge jumps up grabbing HBK by the hair, and pulls him over the top rope.

Winner: Edge

Todd Grisham interviews Edge. The Rated R superstar says he will throw off WWE's plans by winning the title tonight.

Maria interviews Chris Masters. The Masterpiece doesn't understand why everyone is vilifying him for putting Torrie Wilson in the Masterlock. Masters blames Carlito for sticking his nose where it doesn't belong.

Todd Grisham interviews Mixed Martial Arts star Vladimir Kozlov. I have no idea what this guy is talking about.

Match #2 -- Chris Masters vs. Carlito

Carlito attacks Masters as he comes down the ramp. Carlito hits a double axe handle off the ring steps, as Masters reels from the attack. Masters tires to fight back, pushing Carlito into the cameraman. The fight spills into the crowd. Masters pushes Carlito away and takes off through the crowd.

No contest

Match #3 -- The World's Greatest Tag Team and Nitro w/ Melina vs. The Hardys -- 3 on 2 handicap match

Benjamin and Matt Hardy start things off. Shelton goes after Hardy's injured arm. Jeff tags in. Haas shoves him into the heel corner, where Nitro and Benji get in some cheap shots. Nitro tags in, stomping away at Jeff. Nitro whips Jeff into the corner, but he counters with a whisper in the wind. Haas tags in, and prevents Jeff from tagging out. Jeff hits a reverse bulldog, allowing Matt to tag in. Haas is whipped into the corner, and Matt sets up so Jeff can hit poetry in motion. Nitro and Shelton hit the ring, but are dumped over the top rope. Jeff slingshots himself over the top rope, hitting a crossbody on all three men. Matt follows with a moonsault that take everyone out.

After the break, Jeff lands on his feet after a back body drop, but is kicked in the back of the knee by Nitro. Benji tags in, locking in an single leg Boston crab on Jeff. Jeff kicks him off to break the hold, but cannot get the tag to Matt. Benji knocks Matt off the apron, and all three heels take shots at Jeff. Haas kicks away at Jeff's leg. Nitro makes a blind tag, pulling Jeff over to the apron. A baseball slide sends Jeff to the floor. Melina kicks Hardy on the floor, before the WGTT rolls him back in. Matt gets the hot tag, and cleans house. Nitro is taken down with a side effect, and so is Haas, and then Benji gets one for good measure. Shelton blocks a twist of fate, and Haas hangs him up on the ropes. Matt staggers into a roll up from Benjamin, who gets the pin by holding the tights.

Winner via pinfall: The World's Greatest Tag Team & Johnny Nitro

After the match Haas and Benjamin team up on Matt, and then Nitro takes his shots at Jeff. Nitro hits face buster, and then drops the IC Title on him.

Umaga and Estrada are in the back discussing with Todd Grisham who the Samoan Bulldozer may face at New Year's Revolution. Estrada says he wants Cena since the champ embarrassed him last week.

Nitro and Melina run into K-Fed backstage. Melina tells K-Fed he's so brave for coming out to address the crowd.

JR and the King interview Sylvester Stallone about the upcoming Rocky Balboa movie. (Notice how they are not calling it Rocky VI. You know why? Because Rocky V is so bad that the producers don't even acknowledge its existence.)

Match #4 -- Ric Flair vs. Kenny Dykstra

(Somewhere, former Phillies star Lenny Dykstra just spit his chew all over the TV in disbelief.)

Kenny punches Flair in the corner. The Nature Boy responds with right hands. Kenny leapfrogs Flair, and hits a back elbow. Dykstra hits a suplex on the outside. Back in the ring, Kenny stomps away at Flair in the corner. Kenny backs Flair into the corner, again, climbing over him to hit mounted punches. Flair counters with an atomic drop. Kenny tosses Flair off the top, but misses the flying leg drop. Flair hits a shin breaker and goes for another, but Kenny counters with a sunset flip and pins Flair.

Winner via pinfall: Kenny Dykstra

After the match, Flair offers a handshake, but Dykstra just walks out.

Match #5 -- Edge vs. John Cena -- WWE Championship Match

(Like fellow SLAM! Wrestling writer Nick Tylwalk points out, this isn't anything we haven't seen before, so let's just cut to the end of the match.)

Cena hits a leg drop off the top rope, but only a two count. Cena picks up Edge, but telegraphs his next move. Cena recovers to hit a side slam. The champ hits the five-knuckle shuffle, and sets up the F-F-U. Edge fights his way out of it, but Cena counters with an inverted suplex. Cena picks up Edge for an F-U, as Edge kicks the ref from the ring. Orton hits the ring, delivering an RKO to Cena. Orton rolls the referee back in, but DX runs down. Triple H hits Edge with a Pedigree. Cena crawls over to cover Edge, as the ref makes slow count. Cena gets the pinfall and retains his belt.

Winner via pinfall: John Cena

After the break, DX and Edge are booked in a match against Rated RKO and Umaga, tonight.

Cryme Tyme does a skit in the ring with a George Bush impersonator. They lift his wallet, after getting all buddy-buddy with him. (They added an hour to RAW for this!?!)

Match #6 -- Victoria vs. Mickie James -- Non-title

(Non-title match? Victoria's checklist? Yea, this is predicable.)

Mickie does kick out of a superplex, though. Mickie goes for a DDT, but Victoria lays her on the ropes, and kicks her in the face. Victoria hits the Widow's Peak, getting the pin.

Winner via pinfall : Victoria

After the match, Victoria checks off Mickie's name, and then adds the Women's Championship to her list.

JR introduces K-Fed to the ring. K-Fed tells the crowd he wants to be called Kevin Federline (How about Fed-EX!) because Kevin Federline never backs down from a fight. He says K-Fed is just a media invention. And he will be laughing when he whips Cena on New Year's Day.

Match #7 -- John Cena and DX vs. Umaga w/ Armando Alejandro Estrada and Rated RKO

Orton and Cena start things off. The champ punches Orton, and whips him into the corner. Orton bounces out and into a suplex. HBK tags in, chopping away at Orton. Edge tags in, smashing Michaels' face into the turnbuckle. Orton tags back in, and HBK responds with a flying forearm. Umaga enters without a tag, and takes out HBK with a clothesline. Umaga now tags in, and scares the ref from the ring. Edge beats HBK in the corner. Edge hits a mini-spear on HBK in the other corner. Michaels answers with a back suplex, and is able to tag in Triple H. Umaga tags in, and Triple H hits a facebuster. A clothesline doesn't take him down, but a flying forearm off the ropes does. Orton runs in, getting a spine buster, and Edge is tossed over the top rope. Triple H sets up the Pedigree, but Umaga cuts him off with a Samoan Spike. Umaga then spikes Cena, and HBK is hit with the Alley-oop Samoan drop. Cena knocks Umaga from the ring with a huge shoulder block. Umaga and Cena fight to the back. Cena throws Umaga into the glass panels under the stage.

Orton and Edge attack DX in the ring. Orton whips Trips into the ring steps, and Edge knocks him into the crowd with a chair shot. In the ring, Orton and Edge hit a double RKO on HBK. Triple H goes for the sledge, but a baseball slide sends the Game into the announce position. Lawler tries to help, but to no avail, as Edge and Orton continue their assault. Edge hits a con-chair-to, and Orton follows suit. Refs and agents hit the ring to stop Team RKO from doing the same to HBK.

Winner by DQ: John Cena and DX

The show ends with no commentary and images of a bloody DX and reactions from a stunned crowd.


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  • What else were you going to spend your Christmas money on anyway? Clothes?
    Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Dale would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. See you in 2007! You can email Dale at Dplummer627@yahoo.com.