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ECW on Global: Feasting on falling faces
By JON WALDMAN -- SLAM! Wrestling


ECW is back on Global tonight, so any American viewers, including one Matt Mackinder, who don’t want to see what happens, click down to some of the other stories on SLAM! Wrestling. Those who are curious, please read on.

Match 1 – Test vs. Rob Van Dam This match is supposed to be a revenge match for Test eliminating Van Dam during the Extreme Elimination Chamber, so sayeth Joey Styles and Tazz.

Match starts off decently, with RVD pulling out a couple different moves than the usual, including the Slingshot Guillotine Legdrop, but it quickly deteriorates into the usual, with the tide turning before a commercial break by Van Dam being thrown off the top rope to the outside, landing jaw-first on the barricade. Yawn.

Back from break and we get the usual trainwreck spot off the top-rope. RVD gets most of the usual offence, and eventually Test gets the win after reversing a summersault pin attempt and holding the ropes. So formulaic.

Winner: Test

Back to the ring we go after the break we go to Matt Striker in the ring. Striker does the usual “insult the hometown spiel”, including the ever-so-dated Bill Buckner reference, which is even lamer since the Red Sox won the World Series lately.

The gist of his rant is to eventually get Balls Mahoney out. Eventually, Mahoney attacks Striker before the teacher goes low.

Backstage we go again and Sylvester Terkay and Elijah Burke. Burke delivers a good promo again, but they’d be more credible had they not been decimated by The Hardy Boyz a couple weeks back.

Match 2 – CM Punk vs. Bob Holly

Match starts with some minor offence by Punk before Holly gets control. Eventually, Punk gets going with his offence, before Holly beats in the corner, getting DQ’d for ignoring the referee’s five count.

Winner: CM Punk (DQ)

Post-match, Punk gets his heat back with a beatdown including the Anaconda Vice.

Match 3 – Tommy Dreamer vs. Daivari

Dreamer initially challenges Khali but Daivari accepts the challenge instead. Quick match sees Dreamer get the win after the Evenflow.

Winner: Tommy Dreamer

Post-match, Dreamer gets yanked outside by Khali and gets the worst end of the double-hand choke drop.

Back from the break, we get a recap of last week’s interaction between Kelly Kelly and Mike Knox. Styles reports that Kelly has whiplash.

Match 4 – Bobby Lashley vs. Paul Heyman’s Personal Enforcers

The style for this bout is handicap-tag, just in case you’re wondering.

Let’s play the Batista game with Lashley, who enters the ring the way Brock Lesnar did. Next up is a British Bulldog delayed suplex. The enforcers get some offence. Lashley gets some wicked offence before getting a Goldberg spear on one enforcer and finishing things off with Farooq’s Dominator. Not quite as bad as Batista, but still a good number of rip-offs.

Winner: Lashley

Post-match, one of the Enforcers gets a nightstick and tries to attack, but gets the spear and Dominator. Lashley then uses the stick on the other Enforcer.

Well, RVD continues to get buried, Holly gets too violent, Dreamer gets killed (again) and Lashley destroys the last-remaining association Paul Heyman had with the new ECW. Welcome to the new ECW, v.2.0.

Jon Waldman has been with SLAM! since 2000.