Raw: DX gets a little revenge
DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
With December to Dismember and Survivor Series lowering the creative bar, hopefully RAW will not be featuring any Pay-per-View quality matched tonight from Charleston, South Carolina. (Remember when PPV quality was a good thing?!?)
The WWE Champion John Cena kicks things off from inside the ring. Cena addresses the fact
that people have called him crazy for accepting Umaga's (or should I say Estrada's) challenge. Cena is ready to fight and he wants Umaga, but instead the champ gets Melina.
Melina tells Cena he has bigger things to worry about, like Kevin Federline. (And she kept a straight face; I'm impressed.) Nitro has been training K-Fed, so he will be ready on January 1st. Cena pretty much calls Melina a slut, and she slaps him. Cena picks up Melina for the F-U, but Chris Masters (Why????) makes the save. Cena drops Melina, and tosses Masters over the top rope.
Jonathan Coachman walks out to stop the nonsense. He sent Masters out so Cena wouldn't embarrass Melina. The champ tell Coach he sucks at revenge, just like he sucks at running RAW. Cena then shows footage of Coach singing, "I'm too sexy!" in the bathroom. Just for that Coach books Cena in a Master Lock Challenge, and if Cena taps or passes out, he will lose the WWE title.
In the Rated RKO locker room, former Spirit Squad member Kenny announces the squad is dead, and he offers to help Rated RKO beat DX. Orton wants to know what he will do. Kenny pleads, but Edge tells him he has to prove himself.
Back in the ring, Lillian Garcia announces Roddy Piper's condition, and that the next match is dedicated to him.
Match # 1 -- The Highlanders vs. Cade and Murdoch
Cade and Murdoch jump Robbie and Rory before the bell, but the Highlanders fight back. Rory smashes Murdoch's head in the corner. A shot to the back of the head slows Rory. Cade hits an atomic drop, holding him for a boot to the face from Murdoch. Rory blocks a maneuver by Murdoch coming off the turnbuckle, and Robbie gets the hot tag. Robbie ducks a double team, and is able to roll up Cade for the win.
Winner by pinfall: The Highlanders
Match #2 -- Maria vs. Victoria
Victoria comes to the ring with a checklist of RAW Divas (it's a short list), and Candice Michelle is already checked off. (Shades of Chand Johnson checking off opposing cornerbacks.) Naturally, Victoria wins in a squash.
Winner via pinfall: Victoria
After the match, Mickie James checks on Maria in the ring, and Victoria punches her and hits her with a knee to the head. Mickie gets hit with the Widow's Peak before heading to the back.
Cryme Tyme spreads holiday cheer at a local nursing home. JTG and Shad sing little-known versions of classic Christmas carols, and they even make a new friend.
Back in the locker room, Shelton Benjamin is offended by Cryme Tyme's antics. They reinforce black stereotypes. Benji tries to explain it to Super Crazy, but Shelton doesn't think he's getting through. Benji tells Super Crazy to meet him in the ring, as Todd Grisham and Jim Duggan want nothing to do with the whole thing; nothing like fighting racism with racism, Shelton.
Match #3 -- Shelton Benjamin vs. Super Crazy
Shelton runs down Super Crazy before the match. Benji puts the boots to Crazy, and whips him into the corner. Super flies out of the corner with a cross body block. Shelton answers with a kick to the face. Super Crazy ducks the Shelton Splash, but then misses a moonsault. Benjamin hits the T-Bone suplex, and gets the pin.
Winner via pinfall: Shelton Benjamin
Charlie Haas runs into the ring and celebrates with a confused Benjamin. (Haas must see what reuniting with Jeff has done for Matt Hardy, and now he wants to do the same with Shelton. We may have some semblance of a tag team division forming here.)
Match #4 -- Chris Masters vs. John Cena -- Master Lock Challenge for the WWE Title
Cena fights the hold, and nearly breaks it. Masters pushes Cena into the ref, and lets Cena go. Masters clubs away at Cena, but the champs slips behind Cena. In a deft maneuver, Cena hits L2 and R2 at the same time, stealing Masters' finishing move. Masters taps to his own Master Lock.
Winner via submission: John Cena
The celebration is short lived as Umaga and Armando Alejandro Estrada head to the ring. Numerous refs try to stop the brawl. Security steps in, as Estrada hits Cena with a cheap shot. The fight spills outside the ring. Umaga tosses Cena over the announce table, and Umaga dives after him. Security finally quells the brawl.
Viscera tries to hit on Torrie Wilson backstage. Carlito steps in and tells Big Vis he needs to clean up his diet, like eat more apples. Carlito proceeds to spit apple in the big man's face. Ron Simmons has only one thing to say, "DAMN!"
Todd Grisham interviews DX. HBK gives Rated RKO credit for seeing through the charade that is DX. DX says they have the utmost respect for Ric Flair. Michaels says now this is personal. Hunter is just pissed.
Match #5 -- Carlito w/ Torrie Wilson vs. Viscera
Viscera chops away at Carlito in the corner. Carlito shoots off the ropes, but Vis is right there with a clothesline. Vis steps on Carlito. Viscera then misses an elbow drop, and Carlito fight back with left hands, and a knee lift. Vis counters with a side slam. Torrie grabs Viscera's leg to stop a splash. Vis drags her into the ring, and accidentally ripping her top. Carlito takes advantage with a missile drop kick, and then a moonsault to get the pin.
Winner via pinfall: Carlito
After the match, Torrie plants a kiss on Carlito.
Estrada and Cena are talking in Coach's office. Estrada says Cena and Umaga can't touch each other. The champ grabs Estrada, as Coach walks in. Coach stands up to Estrada, and books him in a match with Cena next week. (It's nice to see that Coach's stones finally dropped.)
After the break, Val Venis is hosting kiss cam. Val says two lucky fans can kiss in the ring. Venis picks two very good-looking girls sitting at ringside (*cough* plant, plant *cough*.) Val gets them to kiss and the audience loves it.
(I've had ringside seats before, and ain't never been girls like that sitting in my row!) Eugene hits the ring, and he wants a kiss, too. The girls aren't thrilled about it, and when Eugene grabs one by the hair Venis steps him. Eugene clocks Val in the back of the head with the mic, and chokes him on the ropes. Eugene then nails a DDT, while screaming he's special.
Match #6 -- DX and The Hardys vs. Rated RKO and MNM
All eight men fight as soon as DX hits the ring. The faces clear the ring, but HBK and Trips want more as they follow Orton and Edge to the outside. HBK hits a swinging neck breaker on Orton back in the ring. Triple H hammers Orton with punches. Nitro tags in,
and Matt Hardy gets his chance. Matt nails a reverse elbow. Jeff tags in, hitting a low drop kick. Jeff hits a flying leg lariat on Mercury and Nitro in the corner.
Returning from break, Jeff has Nitro in the corner. Orton tags in and stomps away at Jeff. Mercury and Nitro clothesline Jeff on the ropes, and then hit a double gut buster. Nitro drops a leg, but only gets two. Edge tags in, and locks in rear chin lock. Edge releases the hold, and nails Jeff with a drop kick. Orton tags in, dropping a knee on Jeff. Nitro and Mercury whip Jeff into the corner, but Jeff counters with a whisper in the wind, and is able to then tag in Matt. Edge also tags in, and all eight men enter. HBK leaps onto Nitro, as Triple H hits spine buster on Orton. Kenny jumps the barrier from the crowd, and lays out HBK with a chair. Jeff Hardy is pushed off the top
turnbuckle, and Edge hits Matt with a spear. Edge covers him for the win.
Winner via pinfall: Rated RKO and MNM
After the match, Triple H pulls Kenny into the ring. HBK hits him with Sweet Chin Music into a Pedigree from Triple H.
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Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Dale would like to congratulate the Olivers and Tylwalks on the new addition to their respective families. If any ladies (say any of the Sunshine girls) would like to help Dale continue the expansion of the SLAM! Wrestling family, please send pictures to Dplummer627@yahoo.com.