ECW: Chamber match gets sixth player
MATT MACKINDER - SLAM! Wrestling
anyone left on SmackDown? First, ECW gets Daivari, The Great Khali and then they swipe Sylvester Terkay and Elijah Burke. Is SmackDown on Tuesday nights now? I won't spoil it just yet, but a former United States champ is now an ECW Extremist.
In any event, tonight's taped ECW show from Manchester, England will reveal the sixth member into the Extreme Elimination Chamber at the December To Dismember pay-per-view that I get to cover. Yippee! (Insert
sarcastic overtones here). Tazz is back home getting knee surgery so Burke, with Terkay at his side, fills in with Joey Styles. Ugh. Burke does NOT have a TV voice.
Paul Heyman and the ECW champion The Big Show come to the ring and Heyman pimps Show and the Survivor Series and December To Dismember. The crowd responds with an "Ah-V-D" chant. English accents rule. Heyman then says the sixth entrant into the Chamber will now come to the ring and Hardcore Holly's music hits. Only problem is Bobby Lashley jumps Holly in the back and heads down to the ring himself to a big pop. Show attempts to meet him halfway, but a spear fells the champion. Lashley grabs the contract, signs his name and the Chamber is set.
Backstage, Heyman, Test, Holly and Show wonder how Lashley entering the Chamber could have happened. Heyman says he's going to "lawyer up" and puts Lashley in tonight's main event against Holly.
Match # 1 -- CM Punk vs. Mike Knox
Ah yes, the slow-moving feud. Punk is over big time in the U.K. The two go to the floor and Punk kicks Knox into Kelly Kelly, who goes down hard. In the ring, Knox focuses on Punk's back and tries for a Boston Crab (Styles renames it the Manchester Crab), but Punk gets to the bottom
rope and the crowd erupts. This match went a smidge long, but Punk gets his kicks and slaps into the Yuranagi and Knox taps to the Anaconda Vice as Kelly celebrates at ringside.
Winner via submission: CM Punk
Matt Striker is next up and gets cheap heat for quoting U.S. pioneers and slamming England. He makes a boo-boo also by pronouncing Mikhail Gorbachev's name like it looks and not the way it really is (Gorba-CHOFF). Whoops. He then says the Elimination Chamber has history and a video package of past Chamber matches is
Punk is in the back and I tell ya, this guy cuts some sweet promos. He talks about the Chamber, how he's addicted to competition and that inside the Chamber, it's every man for himself. Good stuff here.
A recap of last Saturday's ticket blitz at the Ford Field box office for WrestleMania 23 is then shown. I can't freakin' wait.
Match # 2 -- Tommy Dreamer vs. Daivari
I love how Daivari is announced as hailing
from Minnesota. You'd think they'd have him come from somewhere in the Middle East. Oh wait, they tried that once didn't they? Daivari targets Dreamer's left knee after a clip from behind while Dreamer confronted Khali. Dreamer rallies and gets ready for his patented DDT. Khali crotches Dreamer on the ring post for the cheap disqualification and then choke slam power bombs Dreamer. Well if this match wasn't quite the groaner, eh?
Winner via DQ: Tommy Dreamer
Match # 3 -- Bobby Lashley vs. Hardcore Holly
Show, Test, Heyman and his personal security force are all at ringside for the main event. I'm assuming the way Burke and Styles are talking that Lashley will not be feuding with Tatanka and is now with ECW full time. Like I said, who's left on Friday nights?
Burke refers to Terkay as the "man bear" and calls Lashley a "meat head." Um, OK. Heyman screams from ringside and Styles calls him "oral diarrhea." Classic Joey Styles, people.
Lashley hits a huge running British Bulldog-like powerslam on Holly for what appears to be a sure three, but Big Show pulls referee Scott Armstrong out of the ring and gets Holly DQ'd. Test comes into
the ring and clotheslines Lashley before Punk and Sabu clean house. Rob Van Dam then runs in to a loud ovation and pummels the heels with a chair. He then confronts Lashley and the two do their gimmick poses. Lashley eyes Show and the ECW belt at ringside as the show comes to a close.
Winner via DQ: Bobby Lashley
Pretty average show tonight, nothing spectacular aside from Lashley arriving, and nothing like last night's Raw title change-happy show. Then again, ECW only has one title and it'll stay around Big Show's shoulder for a while. I think.
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Matt Mackinder, he admits, does the Bobby Lashley pose every morning when he gets up for work. His wife rolls her eyes and tells him emphatically to turn the light back off. Email Matt at firstname.lastname@example.org.