ECW: Two more added to the Chamber
MATT MACKINDER - SLAM! Wrestling
Judging by the boos and quiet crowd tonight for ECW, along with recent house show cancellations in the eastern United States, I think it's safe to say this new entity is going downhill and fast. Add to that equation no Extreme Rules matches tonight and I hope I can stay awake.
The show opens with a recap of last week's main event when the gorilla-dressed Paul Heyman cost Rob Van Dam and Hardcore Holly (no good as a babyface) their match with The Big Show and Test. We also find out Heyman has a major announcement tonight.
Match # 1 -- Extreme Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match -- CM Punk vs. Mike Knox
The ring announcer has mellowed somewhat. He's not intense and he doesn't emphasize names anymore. Pretty bland if you ask me. In any event, Knox comes down and sends Kelly Kelly to the back. Punk goes for an Oklahoma Roll early and Tazz wants the move renamed the Red Hook Roll. The match goes at a very slow pace until Punk hits the Yuranagi and makes Knox tap to the Anaconda Vice. All in all, a pretty average match, but one that showed the fans are solidly behind Punk.
Winner via submission: CM Punk
Rebecca is in the back and introduces the two newest members of ECW -- Elijah Burke and
Sylvester Terkay. Boring stuff here as Burke hypes their arrival.
Heyman makes his way to the ring and Tazz says the vomiting section of the show has arrived. Heyman announces, with gorilla mask in hand, that tonight's main event will be RVD and Holly versus Show and himself. Why? He then says that after tonight, five of the six spots in the Extreme Elimination Chamber for the December To Dismember pay-per-view on Dec. 3 will be filled. Next week, he'll have an open contract and anyone from Raw, SmackDown or ECW can show up and sign it. Heyman heads to the back for what he calls "light cardio" and to talk strategy with Show.
Match # 2 -- Daivari vs. Little
Yes! Trinity is with Guido and, oh, The Great Khali is with Daivari. This ends up a squash as Daivari wins with his patented spike DDT. Khali then comes in and chokeslam powerbombs Guido. This would have been a good match to, oh I don't know, watch the election news. That's what ECW is driving me to -- following politics!
Winner via pinfall: Daivari
Now it's time to shove The Marine down our throats some more. Clips are shown of John Cena making the media rounds on the television circuit. I was a fan of this movie
before it came out (read my previous ECW reports), but now, maybe I'll buy it off the clearance rack in a year or so.
Match # 3 -- Extreme Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match -- Tommy Dreamer vs. Test
A no-brainer here. Test has been getting a monster push and Dreamer, well, hasn't. Test gets in the ropes and low-blows Dreamer behind the ref's back. A big boot and a spinning neckbreaker later and Test advances. Duh.
Winner via pinfall: Test
Match # 4 -- Rob Van Dam & Hardcore Holly vs. The Big Show and Paul Heyman
I smell controversy and I hope Eric Bischoff isn't in the building. RVD and Show start out how they have millions of times with RVD punches and kicks and Show chops in the corner. The personal enforcers jump RVD at one point, but Holly runs over to get the ref's attention. Heyman continuously inflates Show's ego from the apron, where he even does a rep of jumping jacks in his red jogging suit. Joey Styles says Heyman is about to have a heart attack and Tazz adds that Heyman learned to do jumping jacks in a girl's gym. Heyman slaps RVD, but then bails to the floor to the safety of his enforcers who, by the way, I think I figured out who they are. Got your ideas? Email me.
Van Dam counters a chokeslam into a tornado DDT and gets the hot tag to Holly. Only problem is that instead of attacking Show, Holly puts the boots to RVD. Van Dam absorbs an Alabama Slam on a chair and a big splash from the ECW champ. The bell rings as Holly shakes hands with both Heyman and Show.
Winners: No Contest
I'm glad Holly is staying a heel. He's no good as a "good guy." Styles wants to know if this means Heyman will give
Holly the sixth spot in the Elimination Chamber, but we'll have to wait until next week.
Brutal show tonight. I'm not sure how much longer these shenanigans can last. A decent opening match with a cheap main event equals no success. We can only hope the December To Dismember PPV is average at best. I don't think you can expect much more from ECW.
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Matt Mackinder wants to go bald, but grow a pony tail he can braid and look nice and trailer park-like a la Heyman. Only problem is his wife would leave his ass. Matt can't stand Heyman and will never have a pony tail or, hopefully, a bald dome. Email Matt at email@example.com.