November 7, 2006
Raw: Bischoff creates controversy
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
Survivor Series is less then three weeks away, although you wouldn't know it unless you checked the pay-per-view schedule. And with this RAW following Cyber Sunday, expect to deal with the fallout from Sunday, instead of building to one of the big four PPVs.
RAW starts with a recap of Cyber Sunday, and Kevin Federline attacking John Cena. (Great, so he's pretty much assured of showing up tonight. WWE does know that this guy used to a BACK-UP DANCER! For Britney Spears! I have more street cred than this joker. And the King has just confirmed that K-Fed will be on the show. If I didn't have to cover the show, I'd be flipping the channel right now. And don't forget K-Fed's album dropped on Tuesday ... to the bottom of the charts.)
Edge, Lita, and Randy Orton kick off the show. Lita is sporting her new WWE Women's Title, and a hairstyle that went out 20 years ago. Edge and Orton recap their victory over DX for the Ohio State crowd. Orton tells the crowd that the DX loss is on their hands, since they voted Eric Bischoff as the referee. Bischoff heads to the ring, and thanks the fans for voting him in. He informs the crowd Mr. McMahon has named him General Manager, for tonight. Bisch sets some ground rules, first John Cena has the night off, and second; DX is banned from the building. But we will see Melina and Nitro, next. The Nature Boy and Roddy Piper, the new World Tag Team champs, interrupt. Flair wants to know why Bischoff didn't write about getting beat up by the Nature Boy, and Piper calls the Cutting Edge a Piper's Pit rip-off. Bischoff tells the new champs they have to defend the belts, tonight, against Orton and Edge.
(Some of the OSU football players are in the front row. I hope those tickets were paid for, the NCAA might want to look into this.)
Match # 1 -- Nitro w/Melina vs. Jeff Hardy -- Intercontinental Title Match
Hardy and Nitro lock up, with Nitro spilling to the floor. Hardy hits him with a cross body over the top. Nitro chokes Hardy on the ropes, and Melina takes a shot at him. Hardy nails a neck breaker takedown, but is tripped by Melina coming off the ropes. The ref calls for the bell.
Eric Bischoff comes out and orders the match restarted, and as a no disqualification match. After the break, Hardy fights out of a headlock, only to get kicked in the head. Both men collide on cross bodies, and both men go down. Hardy nails Nitro with a reverse mule kick, and follows with a face buster. Nitro pushes off a Twist of Fate, but Hardy comes back with a Whisper in the Wind. Hardy only gets two count, and Melina jumps him. The IC champ climbs to the top turnbuckle, but gets crotched by Nitro. Nitro finishes of Hardy with a belt shot. Nitro covers for the win, and the title.
Winner by pinfall: Nitro
The Spirit Squad, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, and Eugene are arguing in Bischoff's office. The temp GM books a tag team match, with the losers being forced to split up and never team together again. Bischoff has summoned Maria, and he's still mad about her testimony at his trial. (Wasn't that like a year ago?) Anyway, Maria has to face Umaga, tonight. (Wouldn't it be funny if Maria tames Umaga, sorta like King Kong. Oh wait, that would require some creativity on the writers end.)
K-Fed isn't in the arena, he's on the Titantron. Federline challenges John Cena to face him on New Year's Day in Miami in a match. (Note to my editors: I will not be covering RAW on New Year's Day. I have uh, ummmmmm, a thing to do.)
Match #2 -- The Spirit Squad (Johnny and Kenny) vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Eugene -- Losers split up
Eugene and Johnny lock up. Kenny makes a blind tag, and Kenny nails an elbow. Johnny tags back in, and is whipped into Eugene. Eugene counters a short arm clothesline with a Rock Bottom. Duggan gets the hot tag, and clears the ring. Mickey distracts Duggan, allowing Johnny to roll him up for the pin.
Winner via pinfall: The Spirit Squad
After the match, Eugene and Duggan hug, but Eugene flips out. He attacks Duggan, and chokes him with the 2 x 4.
Match #3 -- Maria vs. Umaga
Coach escorts Maria into the ring, and holds her. Coach pushes Maria into Umaga. She falls to the mat, and starts to cry. Umaga hits her with a Samoan drop. He drags her to the corner and hits her with the whiplash. Umaga looks for the Samoan Spike, when John Cena makes the save. Cena nails Umaga with a shoulder block, sending him from the ring. Estrada restrains Umaga
Todd Grisham asks Cena why he is here. The champ is trying to make sense of things. Bischoff was last seen in a dumpster, now he's GM for a day. Umaga is beating up divas, and Grisham is in the ring. Cena F-U's Grisham, and then accepts K-Fed's challenge.
Bischoff is bragging how RAW is going with him in charge. Lita wants to face Mickie James, tonight. She then whispers something in Bischoff's ear. The temp GM announces he will be the referee in the main event.
Backstage Carlito is hanging out with Torrie, when Shelton Benjamin interrupts. Shelton gives Carlito a cheer, and then tells the fans wasted their vote on Carlito. Shelton says he will smack him around then ring, and then plays a race card. Shelton says the fans are against minorities. Carlito points out he's Puerto Rican and won in a landslide. Shelton says he is an icon for blacks all over the world. Ron Simmons, your thoughts, "DAMN!"
Chris Masters is in the ring, awaiting his opponent. Bischoff appears on the Titantron, ordering JR to the ring. Lawler steps up, and challenges Bischoff. The temp GM tells King to get in the ring with Masters.
Match #4 -- Chris Masters vs. The King Jerry Lawler
Bischoff tells Lawler he has to face Masters with one arm handcuffed to the top rope. Coach comes to the ring with the cuffs, and Lawler punches him out of the ring. Masters taunts Lawler, and then beats on him. Lawler gets a shot in, and then a kick to the gut. Masters stomps on Lawler. The ref frees Lawler from the cuffs, and Masters slaps on the Master Lock. The King passes out.
Winner via submission: Chris Masters
Cryme Tyme, Big Shad and JTG, join JR at the announce table.
Match #5 -- Carlito vs. Shelton Benjamin
Before the match, the boys call Shelton over, and admire his bling. Shelton slides out under Carlito, and pulls him off the apron. Shelton hits a power slam in the ring. Benji locks in a chin lock. Carlito fights out, hitting a knee lift. Carlito follows with a springboard back elbow. Shad and JTG take an interest in Shelton's bling at ringside, and walk off with it. Shelton gets distracted, allowing Carlito to hit the back cracker. Carlito covers for the win.
Winner via pinfall: Carlito
Coach joins JR to fill in for Lawler.
Match #5 -- Lita vs. Mickie James -- Women's Title Match
Before the match Lita informs Mickie that she has to have one arm tied behind her back. Lita beats on Mickie, hitting a side Russian leg sweep. Lita misses a moonsault, and Mickie stomps on her in the corner. Lita smashes Mickie into the turnbuckle, and drops her with an impaler DDT. Lita covers for the win.
Winner via pinfall: Lita
After the match, Lita introduces Eric Bischoff.
Match #6 -- Randy Orton and Edge w/ Lita vs. Roddy Piper and Ric Flair -- World Tag Team Championship Match -- No DQ
Edge hits a missile drop kick on Flair, and Bischoff counts a quick two. Edge goes up top again, and Flair ducks a cross body. Piper tags in, and tosses Edge around the ring. Piper covers, and Eric makes a slow count. Piper locks in a sleeper, and Orton nails Piper with a chair. Orton stomps on Piper. Orton slaps on a rear chin lock. Edge tags in and does the same. Piper is elbowed to the outside. Piper ducks a chair shot, and Edge catches ring post. Piper slams Edge into the ring post, and Piper tags in Flair. The Nature Boy lays into Orton with chops. Edge and Orton try to double team Flair, but low blows take care of that. Flair goes for the figure four, but Orton kicks him into Bischoff. Edge spears Flair, and drags Orton on to him. Another ref slides in, but Flair gets the shoulder up. Piper grabs Edge, and crotches him on the ring post. Orton is looking for and RKO, when DX hits the ring. HBK hits Sweet Chin Music on Orton, and Triple H drags Flair onto him for the cover. The new ref counts three.
Winner via pinfall: Roddy Piper and Ric Flair
After the match, DX grab Bischoff. Triple H nails him with a pedigree. Hunter says they have three words for Bischoff: Big Dick Johnson. It's the fat male stripper. Triple H and HBK hold Bisch down as Big Dick gives the temp GM a special dance.
Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Dale didn't think anything was worse then David Arquette wrestling, until Kevin Federline issued his challenge. Email Dale @ Dplummer627@yahoo.com.