Raw: Brands mix at Family Reunion
DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling
It's time for the RAW family reunion! The season premiere of WWE's flagship show comes to us from the University of South Carolina. The Vegas line on Gamecocks jokes by DX has been officially set at 7-1/2. I'm taking the over.
New season, new intro, and it's about time. Also we have a new theme song, and new graphics. JR and
King kick off the show, and introduce Michael Cole and JBL from Smackdown, who then toss it to ECW announcers Joey Styles and Tazz.
John Cena enters to a very enthused crowd. The champ welcomes the crowd to the 698th episode of RAW. Cena has a message for Edge, "The champ is still here." (You hear that, Brian Whorl!)
World Heavyweight champion from Booker T makes a royal entrance with his queen Sharmell. Booker reminds Cena that last time he was here, the champ had to kiss the king's foot. Cena mocks Book's accent, and reminds him of the beat down on Smackdown. Cena wants to go now. But the ECW champion has something to say.
Big Show lumbers to the ring. Show says he is the only champ that is true to himself. He's a giant, and the best giant to ever wrestle. Cena points out Andre, and Show says he'd beat him, too. Show also says he has the better movie career. The Waterboy grossed $182 million worldwide. Booker counters by pointing out Show was only in the movie for 42 seconds. King Booker says his movie was much better, Ready to Rumble. (Which helped to speed along the downfall of WCW. Casting Oliver Platt as a wrestler? That's like putting a championship belt on David Arquette. Oh, wait...) Show and Cena have a good laugh, until Cena decides to cut to the chase. The WWE champ takes a shot at Show, and Booker jumps in. Show clears the ring.
Backstage, Coach, Teddy Long, and Paul Heyman are arguing with each other. Heyman says Big Show just demonstrated his dominance. Coach suggests the Big Show wrestle tonight, and face Jeff Hardy. Heyman agrees but only if Booker and Cena wrestle. Heyman has an opponent for Booker -- RVD. Coach wants Cena to face the Miz, but Teddy Long has another idea. Cena will face the Undertaker. (Yay!)
Match # 1 -- Umaga w/ Armando Alejandro Estrada vs. Kane -- Loser leaves RAW
Umaga and Kane trade blows to start the match. The Samoan Bulldozer beats on Kane in the corner. Kane fights back, but a head butt slows him down.
Kane tosses Umaga into the corner. The Big Red Machine climbs the turnbuckle, but Umaga cuts him off, tossing him to the floor. After the break, Kane is down in the ring corner. Umaga charges, but Kane catches him by the throat. Umaga counters with a belly-to-belly suplex, but Kane sits up. Umaga drops a leg on the back of Kane's head, and proceeds to climb the turnbuckle. Umaga hits a splash off the top rope. Kane blocks the Samoan Spike, and responds with a sidewalk slam. Kane goes high risk, and connects with a flying clothesline. Estrada distracts Kane, hitting with a wooden cigar box. Kane turns into a Samoan Spike. Umaga covers and gets the pin.
Winner by pinfall: Umaga
The crowd chants some thanks for Kane, as JR wonders where Kane will show up next. (I'm going out on a limb here, but I'll guess ECW or Smackdown!)
South Carolina football coach Steve Spurrier is in attendance tonight.
Kane is walking through the back and comes across the Highlanders. Rory says they are honored to be on the same show. Kane isn't in the mood, and roughs the two up before leaving the building.
DX has an announcement. Shawn Michaels starts to issue apologies to everyone they hurt last week. Triple H doesn't think they need to apologize and finds a way out of each and everyone. Now the problem is they have time to fill, so DX shills their T-shirts for sale on the website.
Match #2 -- Jeff Hardy vs. Big Show
Hardy punches Show, but is chopped into the corner. The ECW champ chops away at Hardy. A clothesline sends the IC champ to the mat. Show climbs the turnbuckle, but misses the splash. A low drop kick sends Show to that mat. Hardy hits the whisper in the wind, and follows with a swanton, but Show kicks out at two. Big Show locks in the cobra clutch, hitting the backbreaker. Show nails the Showstopper, and gets the pin.
Winner via pinfall: Big Show
Nitro attacks Hardy after the match. Show nails the Cobra Clutch backbreaker on Nitro, and then helicopters him across the ring.
Match #3 -- DX vs. Cade and Murdoch -- Come as you are Street Fight
(WWE is going old school, tonight. First a "Loser leaves" match and now a "Come as you are" match. Woo-hoo!)
DX gets the crowd fired up, and if you took the over on Gamecock jokes, you win. Triple H is upset the Cocky didn't make an appearance, though.
A face buster to Cade from Triple H, as HBK goes up and over on Murdoch. Michaels climbs the turnbuckle, but Cade sends him crashing to the floor. Triple H is double teamed on the outside, and slammed into the ring steps. HBK fights off both men in the ring. Cade hits him with an inverted atomic drop, as Murdoch kicks him in the face. Murdoch then works HBK over with a belt. Cade follows with a boot shot to the head. Triple H low bridges Cade. Hunter reverses a suplex, slamming Cade onto the ramp. The Game grabs a chair, and tattoos Cade in the forehead. HBK whips Murdoch over the top rope. Hunter pulls out a table, and sets up Murdoch. HBK drops an elbow from the top rope on Murdoch through the table.
Cade is in trouble in the ring. HBK warms up the band. Cade is nailed with the Sweet Chin Music, and stumbles into a Pedigree from Triple H. Hunter covers for the win.
Winner via pinfall: DX
Todd Grisham asks Edge his thoughts on DX. Edge says they cost him the WWE championship. Edge says everything will be answered as "The Cutting Edge" is making its return.
Shelton says he isn't on the card, so he's crashing the party. Benji says he won't leave until someone comes out.
Match #4 -- Shelton Benjamin vs. Chris Benoit
He wanted it. He got it. Benoit hits snap suplex, and then a German suplex. Benji fights back with a Samoan drop. Shelton with a headlock, and Benoit fights out. Benoit hits rolling German suplexes, but Benjamin rolls away from the diving head butt. Benoit counters a suplex into the Crippler Cross-face. Shelton quickly taps.
Winner via submission: Chris Benoit
Teddy Long and Paul Heyman discuss what show has been dominant. Coach says he has a solution. He
brings in Super Crazy to decide what show is the best. The GMs try to sway his opinion, but he says all three shows have something to offer.
Match #5 -- Chavo Guerrero, William Regal, and Finlay vs. Rey Mysterio, Batista, and Lashley
(Do I really have to cover a Smackdown match? Where's Nick Tylwalk when I need him? I pawn these off on him during pay-per-views.)
Mysterio and Chavo brawl, with Chavo being knocked from the ring. Rey climbs the ropes, but Finlay and Regal cut him off. Rey leaps, hitting a double hurricanrana. Regal and Finlay roll out of the ring. Mysterio
follows with a baseball slide, but Finlay catches him in the ring apron. All three heels beat on him, until Lashley and Batista scare them off. Finlay nails a shoulder breaker on Rey Rey. Chavo tags back in to beat on Rey. Batista gets the tag, but the ref didn't see it. Finlay tosses Rey into the barricade. Mysterio hits a bulldog, and Batista gets the hot tag. Regal is whipped into Finlay, and then jackhammers Chavo. (Speaking of Goldberg, has anyone else seen Santa's Slay? I came across this gem of a movie starring the former champ on late night cable. Bill plays a demonic Santa, and goes around killing people. After 15 minutes I couldn't figure out if it was a horror or comedy. And then I changed the channel. Oh, back to the match.) Lashley deposits Regal to the floor. Mysterio hits a flying hurricanrana on Chavo, and follows with the 619. Batista nails a spine buster, and Mysterio hits a frog splash for the win.
Winner via pinfall: Rey Mysterio, Batista, and Lashley
Bischoff plugs his book. I hope it's a good book and not WWE revisionist history. (Hey, a man can dream.)
The Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young make an appearance.
King Booker says he has to dominate RVD to show that he is the Champion of Champions.
Match #6 -- Melina vs. Torrie Wilson
-- Women's Title Tournament Match with Lumber "Divas"
Melina has ditched her skirt for pants, and doesn't enter the ring her usual way. All the Divas at ringside will be on ECW tomorrow night. Torrie starts with a few arm drags. Melina scoots from the ring, but is thrown back in by the other divas. Torrie hits the floor, and is helped back into the ring. Kristal distracts Torrie, and Melina rolls her up, grabbing the tights to get the three count.
Winner via pinfall: Melina
After the match, Kristal gets a stink face from Torrie.
Match #7 -- King Booker w/ Queen Sharmell vs. RVD
Booker kicks RVD in the corner. JBL and Tazz shoot on each other, instead of calling the match. RVD is tossed into the ring post. Booker hits a step over heel kick. A kick to the chin sends Booker to the mat. RVD climbs to the top, but Sharmell crotches him. Booker hits the scissors kick and makes the pin.
Winner via pinfall: King Booker
Cryme Tyme will make their debut next week.
Mitch of the Spirit Squad says he sucks. But tonight he'll beat Ric Flair, with some help from his friends. And Flair doesn't have any.
Coach says tonight has been very entertaining, when Vince McMahon shows up. Vince says it couldn't be a family reunion with out the patriarch. Vince books a champion vs. champion vs. champion at Cyber Sunday.
Match #8 -- Ric Flair vs. Mitch w/ The Spirit Squad
Turns out Flair does have some friends. Roddy
Piper, The Million-Dollar Man, IRS (YES IRS!), and Arn Anderson come to ringside. They back the Spirit Squad up the ramp, and back to the locker room. Mitch takes down Flair with a clothesline. Flair responds with chops. A chop block sends Mitch to the mat, and the Nature Boy locks in the figure four, and Mitch taps.
Winner via submission: Ric Flair
The Cutting Edge
Edge introduces his guest, the Legend Killer, Randy Orton. Edge says Orton has done nothing since becoming the youngest WWE champion. Edge points to one defining moment, and he shows Evolution
turning on the young champ. Edge blames Triple H for Orton's downfall, and blames HBK for costing him the WWE title. Edge says it's time to take a stand, since they are the present and future of the industry. Edge gives Orton a choice to fight him or join him and take a stand against DX. Orton joins Edge.
Match #9 -- John Cena vs. The Undertaker
Undertaker knocks Cena into the corner, and then whips him across the ring. Taker tosses Cena back into the corner by the throat. Cena ducks two haymakers, but runs into a big boot. Undertaker tries to go old school, but Cena fights out. The champ hits a superplex, but can't get the three count. Undertaker catches Cena in a bear hug. Cena bites Taker to break
the hold, and then a shoulder block knocks down Taker. Cena goes for a taunt, but Taker grabs him by the throat. Cena nails a DDT, but the Dead Man sits up. The champ slips out of a Tombstone, and sets up the F-U. Taker slides out, and hits a chokeslam. Big Show and Booker T hit the ring. Kennedy runs to the ring, and catches a big boot from Taker. Cena kicks Show with a low blow, and hits him with a DDT. Cena locks in the STF-U and Show taps. King Booker jumps on Cena, but the WWE champ hits Book with the F-U. John Cena is the last champ standing.
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Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Dale challenged his roommate to a "Loser leaves the House" match. Now he
needs a place to live. Email housing opportunities to Dale @ Dplummer627@yahoo.com.