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Raw: Hardy lays claim to IC belt
By DALE PLUMMER - SLAM! Wrestling


It's been two weeks since the McMahons were destroyed at Unforgiven by DX, and they haven't been on TV since. Will that streak end in Topeka, Kansas? I sure hope not.

The steel cage kicks off the show. That's right, the cage for tonight's main event is down, but it rises as DX makes it way to the ring. Hunter and Shawn do their catch phrases, and then show Vince with his face in the Big Show's big rear. Shawn is cut off by Jonathan Coachman, who tells them that DX does not run Monday nights. Coach says on behalf of the McMahon family they will compete in a Texas Tornado match, right now.

Match # 1 DX vs. Cade and Murdoch, Viscera and Haas, and the Highlanders Texas Tornado Tag Team Match

Cade and Murdoch brawl with DX. The Highlanders hit the ring, and DX send them over the top ropes. Vis and Haas enter, and Shawn and Hunter are separated into different corners. Vis goes for the corner splash on HHH, but hits Haas instead. A tandem DDT slows down Vis. HBK drops an elbow into Haas, and then warms up the band. Haas tastes Sweet Chin Music, and staggers into a pedigree.

Winner by pinfall: DX

Coach yells for the music to be cut. He tells DX they may have won the battle, but they are far from winning the war. Coach says he runs Monday Nights. Hunter suggests they toss Coach out of the building, and chases him up the ramp

Match #2 Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro w/ Melina Intercontinental Title Match

Nitro lands a hard uppercut to start the match. Hardy responds with a clothesline, and then a double leg drop on the lower abdomen. Nitro rolls to the outside, and Hardy flies off the apron with a body press. After the break, Nitro has a rear chin lock applied. Hardy fights out, and misses a Whisper in the Wind. Nitro pins him, but only gets a two count. Nitro works over Hardy in the corner, and then kicks him into the ring post. Nitro hits a backbreaker for a two count. Nitro drives his knee into Hardy's back. Jeff gets to his feet, using a two legged mule kick to break free. Hardy brings Nitro in off the apron, nearly getting the pin. Hardy hits the Whisper in the Wind, but only gets a two count. Melina pulls her man from the ring, but Hardy hits him with a baseball slide. Hardy then flies off the security barrier, taking out Nitro and Melina. Back in the ring, Nitro climbs the turnbuckle, but is cut off. Hardy tosses Nitro to the mat, and nails a swanton. Hardy covers and hooks the leg for the three count and the IC title.

Winner ... and new Intercontinental Champion ... via pinfall: Jeff Hardy

Backstage, DX is trying to get Coach to come out of his office, with their comedy shtick. Coach isn't opening the door.

Maria introduces the new IC Champ. Jeff says this is why he came back to RAW, but now he's a target. Everyone wants to strip him of the belt. Maria says she'll be on ECW for extreme strip poker. Melina interrupts and just starts shrieking.

Coach is on the phone with Vince, who gives him the courage to go out in the hall. DX is nowhere to be found. Coach sees Hunter down the hall; he turns around and sees HBK, so Coach does the respectable thing, and ducks into the women's locker room. Triple H and HBK follow. Coach backs into another room only to find the fat party boy stripper from a few shows back. Coach slips on the floor, and looks up to find DX. Coach begs for mercy, and when Trips steps up to him, Coach knocks himself out by running into the production truck. HBK and HHH dump Coach in a dumpster, and a maintenance man takes him away with the rest of the garbage.

The Spirit Squad is getting ready for a match, when DX shows up. DX says there is a new dress code, and HHH has the sledgehammer to back it up.

Match #3 Umaga vs. Snitsky

(I may as well just starting using auto-text for Umaga's matches.) Umaga hits the Samoan Drop, and uses the Samoan Spike to finish off Snitsky.

Winner via pinfall: Umaga

Todd Grisham is backstage with Randy Orton. The Legend Killer says Carlito doesn't know cool. Cool is RKO, which Carlito knows all too well.

Match #4 Randy Orton vs. Carlito

Orton and Carlito lock up. Orton tosses Carlito into the ring post, and then works over the arm on the outside. Carlito is again slammed into the ring post. Orton drops a knee on the arm of Carlito. A standing hurricanrana can't slow down Orton. Carlito hits a springboard back elbow, followed by clothesline. Carlito hits a senton, and then a springboard cross body. Orton rolls though, and grabs Carlito's tights to get the pin.

Winner via pinfall: Randy Orton

Shawn and Hunter tell the Spirit Squad that they need to come out for their match. The Squad doesn't want to, so HBK threatens to strip them of their titles.

It's more Cryme Tyme! This time they are harassing the law.

Match #5 Nicky w/ Kenny, Johnny, Mitch, and Mickey vs. Sgt. Slaughter

The new costumes are cheerleaders outfits for girls. The squad is embarrassed. Sarge locks in the cobra clutch, but Nicky breaks free. Slaughter is whipped out of the ring, and the rest of the Squad gang up on him. Nicky locks in a sleeper, but Sarge counters into the cobra clutch. Nicky breaks free, and locks in an arm bar. Triple H calls out Nicky on the TitanTron, and Slaughter rolls him up for the win.

Winner via pinfall: Sgt. Slaughter

Match #6 Mickey James vs. Victoria Women's Title Tournament

DX has decreed that this be a lingerie match. Mickie James rolls Victoria up for the win, after Victoria tries winning by grabbing the ropes during pin.

Winner via pinfall: Mickey James.

Chris Masters is talking with Eric Bischoff about his book. HBK gives him a cheap plug, and then wants to know if they are in the book. Bischoff says DX was a rip-off of the NWO. HBK cries "Blasphemy!" Hunter asks Masters if he's going to write a book. The Masterpiece says he's thinking about writing a nutrition book. Hunter suggests "How to lose 50 pounds in four weeks." (I didn't say it; I just report it.) Shawn wants to know if they really are a rip-off. Hunter tells him it doesn't matter.

Match #7 John Cena vs. Edge w/ Lita Steel Cage WWE Title Match

Cena and Edge exchange blows. Cena hits a suplex. Edge works on Cena's injured arm. Edge goes for a quick escape, but Cena pulls him back in. Edge tries to climb out the top, but is slammed from the turnbuckle for his trouble. A reverse heel kick sends Cena to the mat. Cena grabs Edge from escaping, but Edge tosses him into the cage wall. Edge climbs again, but Cena catches him. The champ and Edge fight atop the cage. Cena slips, but catches hold of Edge. Cena pulls Edge back in. Edge suplexes Cena, and both men are down. Edge climbs the ropes, but Cena crotches him on the ropes. Cena hits a clothesline and a sideslam. The champ hits the five-knuckle shuffle, but blocks the F-U by grabbing hold of the cage. Cena sets up another F-U, but Edge counters with an inverted face buster. Edge climbs towards the door, as Lita tries to slide him a chair. The ref tries to stop her, and tosses Lita from ringside. Edge is distraught. Cena runs into a boot, but ducks a forearm shot that catches the ref. Edge misses with the chair, but Cena connects with it. Cena locks in the STF-U. The outside ref tries to enter, but is knocked out by Cade and Murdoch. Cena gets hi-low-ed by Cade and Murdoch, and then they try to pull Edge out of the cage. DX hits the ring. HBK hits Sweet Chin Music on Murdoch, kicking him into the cage door that hits Edge in the face. Cena picks up Edge and hits the F-U. Cena covers for the win.

Winner via pinfall: John Cena


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    Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Dale hopes the RAW family reunion is nothing the last Plummer family reunion. Tainted potato salad is all he said. Email Dale @ Dplummer627@yahoo.com.