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COMMENT





Raw: The King's court invades
By DALE PLUMMER -- SLAM! Wrestling


Monday Night Raw comes to us from Oklahoma City, the home of Good Ole' JR, if you didn't know. Which means there's a good chance he's getting fired, hit in the junk or some other form of humiliation.

And it's dark. The lights aren't working in OK City, and neither is Lillian's mike. But the show must go on. Candice Michelle makes here way through the dark to the ring.

Match # 1 – Candice Michelle vs. Lita – Round One Women's Title Tournament

Lita grabs a working mike says she gets to choose the ref. She picks Edge, of course. Edge hits Candice with a spear, and Lita makes the pin.

Winner by pinfall: Lita

John Cena runs out to make the save, chasing Edge and Lita from the ring.

After the break, the lights are fixed, and the champ is still in the ring. Cena blames the power outage on Edge, because Edge is ducking the champ. Edge won't face Cena because he's going to celebrate with Lita. Cena takes a few shots at Lita, but she has heard enough. Lita tries to stand up for herself, calling Cena a joke. She says she is a better wrestler. Edge accepts Cena's challenge, to wrestle Lita with one arm tied behind his back.

Match #2 – Kane vs. Johnny Nitro w/ Melina

(Kane is still in the IC title picture, why? And how exactly does this help his character? Answer me this and I'll actually cover his next IC title shot.)

Umaga runs down and plasters Kane with a steel chair. Kane is whipped into the corner head first, and Umaga nails him with the ring steps. Estrada hops in the ring, telling Kane to never touch him again.

Winner via DQ: Kane

Backstage, HBK is reading WWE Magazine. HHH lets Michaels shill the magazine and DX t-shirts. Maria interrupts and asks their thoughts on the upcoming gauntlet match. HHH says Coach will learn that if you think you'll stop DX we have two words for you. Maria chimes in with, "no way". HHH offers a visual aid, before HBK jumps in. Eugene asks what's going on. Maria whispers the DX catch phrase, and the poor guy passes out.

Coach runs into Shelton, and wants to talk about his comments the last week. Coach wants to know if Shelton was trying to embarrass him. Benji calls Coach a "whitewash", when Jeff Hardy offers his two cents. Coach books a match between Hardy and Benjamin. Edge and Lita find Coach, who makes the match with Cena "No Holds Barred", but Edge isn't allowed to touch Cena, or he will lose his rematch.

Match #3 – Mikey vs. Ric Flair

Flair hits an arm drag, and struts around the ring. Mikey beats Flair into the corner, but Flair chops his way out. Mikey drops an elbow off the middle turnbuckle. Flair responds with chops. A reverse elbow sends Flair to the mat. More chops for Mikey, and he doesn't like it. A knee drop, followed by a chop block from Flair sends Mikey to the mat. Nicky tries to interfere, but Flair sends him flying. The Nature boy covers Mikey, picking up the ring.

Winner via pinfall: Ric Flair

Match #4 – DX Gauntlet Match

(Are there even three heel tag teams for DX to face?)

First opponent – The Highlanders

(Well, that answers the question.) Triple H pulls Robbie aside to talk, as HBK nails Rory with Sweet Chin Music. Trips then hits the pedigree on Robbie.

Winner via pinfall: DX

Second opponent – Viscera and Charlie Haas

Haas whips HHH into the corner. Trips smashes Haas into HBK boot, and Michaels tags in. Haas works over HBK in the corner. Michaels responds with chops. Vis tags in, and HBK goes to work, but gets smashed. A clothesline sends HBK to the mat. Haas holds down HBK, but Vis splashes Haas by mistake. The Game tags in, and a double clothesline sends Vis to the mat. Haas gets a pedigree, and Vis is hit with sweet chin music. Vis falls onto Haas, and HBK sits on top.

Winner via pinfall: DX

Third opponent – Cade and Murdoch

HBK hits a flying forearm and atomic drop on Cade. Murdoch takes cheap shot at Michaels. Trevor tags in and tosses HBK form the ring. HHH runs over to help, and all four men brawl outside the ring. Trips is tossed into the ring steps. Murdoch rolls HBK into the ring. A chair shot from Cade is cut off with an atomic drop, as HHH hits the ring with a chair. The Game tattoos Cade with a chair on chair shot, and the ref calls for the bell.

No Contest

It's more Cryme Tyme. (Seriously, who thought this was a good idea? It's not even funny.)

Match #5 – Jeff Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin

A shoulder block sends Hardy to the mat. Benji knocks Hardy off the apron to the floor. Back in the ring, Benji steps on Hardy's throat. A series a clotheslines to Shelton, followed by a Whisper in the Wind. Hardy climbs the turnbuckle, but is met by Benji. Hardy knocks Shelton off, and hits the swanton. Benji gets his foot on the ropes to break the count. Benjamin blocks a twist of fate, and taunts Hardy. Jeff rolls him up with an inside cradle and gets the pin.

Winner via pinfall: Jeff Hardy

Match #6 – Randy Orton and Chris Masters vs. Carlito and Super Crazy

Carlito and Masters lock up. Carlito chops away at Masters in the corner. Super Crazy tags in and hits a missile drop kick. Masters nails a power bomb. Orton tags in, and slaps on a headlock. Crazy breaks free, and tags in Carlito, while Orton and Masters switch. Carlito hits a springboard back elbow, and a knee lift on Orton. Carlito follows with a face buster to Masters. Super Crazy hits a low drop kick on Orton, but cannot connect on the moonsault. Orton hits an inverted neck breaker. Carlito tosses Orton from the ring. Masters tries to lock in the Masterlock. Carlito slips away, and hits the back cracker.

Winner via pinfall: Carlito and Super Crazy

After the match, Orton hits Carlito with a RKO.

Coach is in the ring, and introduces Eric Bischoff. The former RAW GM is here to plug his new book, "Controversy Creates Ca$h." Bischoff says the truths in his book will anger Vince McMahon. Eric gets cut off, and Lita and Edge head to the ring.

Match #7 – John Cena vs. Lita – No Hold Barred

Cena has his right arm tied behind his back. Lits hits thumb to the eye, and then a low blow. Cena blocks a slap, and sets Lita up for the F-U. Cena drops her with the F-U and gets the pin.

Winner via pinfall: John Cena

King Booker and his crew hit the ring. Cena tries to fight his way out, but is nails with a shillelagh shot. Booker, Regal and Finlay overwhelm Cena. King Booker gets on the mike and demands Cena kiss his feet for showing up King Booker on Smackdown. Cena tries to fight out, but cannot. Booker hits an axe kick, and then Cena's face is shoved into Booker's foot.


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    Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Email Dale @ Dplummer627@yahoo.com