August 29, 2006
Raw: A hellish night for DX
By DALE PLUMMER - SLAM! Wrestling
One week after being broken by DX, Vince McMahon has decided to take the night off and enjoy Atlantic City. But will Monday Night RAW crap out with the boss gone?
Shane McMahon starts the show. He doesn't dance, doesn't bounce around; he just walks to the ring. Shane tells DX they have gone too far, and they have ripped out a piece of Vince's heart. Shane has told his father to take the night off, and Shane is running the show. DX will be in tag team action. Shane says their opponents are on a "need to know" basis, and they don't need to know. DX will also find out what's in store for them at Unforgiven.
Edge and Lita interrupt and demands that John Cena be fired for tossing him into the Long Island Sound. Cena joins the party, telling Edge that if he gets fired, that last thing anyone will remember is Edge being tossed off the pier. The story shouldn't end like that. Cena pulls out a Smackdown contract. He tells Edge that he wants a title shot; if he loses he'll sign with Smackdown and be out of Edge's life. Edge agrees, on two conditions: Edge gets to say when the match is, and what type of match it is. Cena starts to leave, but is berated by Shane for being disrespectful. Shane-O tells Cena he has a match tonight, and it's now.
Match # 1 -- John Cena vs. The Masterpiece Chris Masters
(Masters looks like he dropped some weight, and lost some tone, and he's sporting a really stupid looking goatee.)
We return from commercial in mid-match. Masters punches Cena, but the Doc fights back. Cena is shot off the ropes, and is powerslammed by Masters. Cena powers out of a camel clutch, and nails a flying forearm. Cena nails a sideslam, and then the five-knuckle shuffle. Masters counters the F-U with a DDT. Cena ducks the Masterlock, and uses a drop toehold to set up the STFU. Edge hits the ring, nailing Cena with a chair, getting Masters disqualified.
Winner by DQ: John Cena
Edge grabs a ladder and nails Cena right between the eyes. The champion then gets a table. Edge slams Cena through it in the corner. Edge tells Cena that the match will take place at Unforgiven in Toronto, and it will be a TLC match.
Cade and Murdoch, Viscera and Haas want to take on DX; Shane sends them on their way, telling them that another plan is in place. Vince calls his son from the hotel suite. The chairman couldn't be happier. Room service shows up, and the entrée is clucking. Vince pulls off the napkin to reveal some roosters.
Carlito and Trish are in the back, and he wants to talk to her privately. Carlito wants to know when Trish was planning on telling him she is planning on retiring after Unforgiven. Trish wants to know how he found out. Carlito says Lita leaked it to WWE.com. Trish is mad, but Carlito wants to give her a proper goodbye. As they kiss, Randy Orton attacks, knocking Carlito and Trish into the wall.
Match #2 -- Candice Michelle vs. Torrie Wilson -- School girl paddle on a pole match
Candice grabs the paddle first, but wants to be spanked. There's no animosity in this match. NEXT!
Winner: Candice Michelle
Match #3 -- Randy Orton vs. Jeff Hardy -- Intercontinental Title Number One Contender Match
Orton goes to work on Hardy with fists, and stomps on him in the corner. Hardy turns the tables, driving both feet into Orton's sternum. Hardy sends the Legend Killer to the floor, and hits the whisper in the wind. After the break, Orton locks in a side headlock. Hardy fights out. Orton rolls out to the floor. Hardy follows with a suicide dive, which Orton blocks with a kick. Orton pops back up, tossing Hardy back in the ring. Hardy with a clothesline, and avoids a dropkick. Hardy drop his heels on Orton's stomach, and follows with a drop kick off the second turnbuckle. Hardy counters a power bomb with a hurricanrana. Hardy goes for a spinning cross body, but is kicked out of mid-air. Orton rolls from the ring, and Carlito attacks him from behind. Carlito spits apple in Orton's face, allowing Hardy to hit the Twist of Fate, and follow with a swanton. Hardy gets the pin.
Winner via pinfall: Jeff Hardy
Shane busts into the DX locker room. Shane wants the pranks to stop. Hunter says the rooster thing tonight was from the heart. Shane tells them to grow up. Hunter retorts with a list of Vince's antics, and then HBK shills the new McMahon DVD.
Match #4 -- The Spirit Squad (Kenny and Mikey) vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Eugene -- World Tag Team Title Match
The Highlanders joins JR and King at the announce table. Eugene kicks two members into the announce table, where Robbie and Rory start a ruckus. The ref tosses the other three members of the squad, and the Highlanders. Eugene gets double-teamed. Hacksaw charges into an exposed turnbuckle. Mikey rolls him up, and gets the pin.
Winner via pinfall: The Spirit Squad
After the match, Umaga hits the ring. He destroys Eugene and Hacksaw. Estrada says there is only one monster in WWE. It's the "Undefeated Samoan Bulldozer" Umaga.
Johnny Nitro and Melina hold a press conference to explain her actions last week. Nitro says Foley just wanted to be like him. Melina says that she doesn't associate with regular people like Mick, and he embarrassed himself. Nitro congratulates Mick on his 19th retirement, and while Foley blogs, he'll being doing things Mick as only wished for.
Match #5 -- Lita vs. Mickie James -- WWE Women's title match
Lita nails Mickie with a powerbomb, and grabs the ropes for leverage to get the pin.
Winner via pinfall: Lita
Match #6 -- DX vs. William Regal, Fit Finlay, and Ken Kennedy
HBK fights out of a neck vice from Regal. Finlay pulls Michaels from the ring, and is attacked by a Leprechaun. Finlay whips HBK into the corner, but misses a charge, and catches all ring post. Triple H gets the hot tag, and cleans house. Finlay grabs Hunter, as Regal gets a chair. Triple H ducks and Regal nails Finlay. HBK hits Sweet Chin Music, and HHH follows with a Pedigree.
Winner via pinfall: DX
Shane cuts the DX music and has two words for them: Big Show. HBK and HHH try to fight off Show, but the Smackdown guys return, and the numbers overrun DX. Vince McMahon comes to the ring with a lead pipe. He nails Triple H with it, and chokes him. He slams a camera into HBK's head, and chokes him with the cord. Vince tells DX they will face him, Shane and Big Show at Unforgiven in a Hell in a Cell match.
Dale Plummer has been writing for SLAM! Wrestling since 2003. Dale would like to wish Kurt Angle a quick return to WWE. Email Dale at Dplummer627@yahoo.com.