August 10, 2006
ECW: RVD returns, Sabu and Angle steal show
By MATT MACKINDER -- SLAM! Wrestling
Something inside says Rob Van Dam is back on ECW tonight. Oh, and guess what? Another former WWE champion is in tonight’s main event from Nashville as Kurt Angle and Sabu will battle for the first time ever to see who’s the Number one contender for the Big Show’s ECW championship.
Match # 1 – Tommy Dreamer vs. Mike Knox
The match was pretty even until Paul Heyman and his helmeted (is that a word?) goons come out and distract the ref. Dreamer hits a DDT on Knox, but the wannabe cops pull Dreamer out and wail away on him. They roll him back in and Knox covers for the win after his modified Roll of the Dice maneuver.
Winner via pinfall: Mike Knox
The Sandman’s music then hits and he makes his way down as we head to a commercial break. Now?
Back from break, Heyman tells Sandman, standing over Dreamer, that he knows he and Dreamer are friends and he wanted to book a rematch of last week’s tag match, but Dreamer is in no shape for that. Instead, Heyman says it’s Sandman against Knox and partner in crime Test, right now, and it’s not Extreme Rules.
Match #2 – Handicap Match - The Sandman vs. Mike Knox & Test
Not much here. Dreamer gets a boot from Test on his way to the back. Not even two minutes in, Sandman gets his Singapore cane, uses it, and gets disqualified. See, that’s why this “version” of ECW sucks – back in the day, there was no such thing as a non-Extreme Rules match.
Winner via DQ: Mike Knox & Test
Sabu highlights are shown of his attacks the past few weeks on the Big Show. Nice hype for the main event later on.
Balls Mahoney (gosh, I love that name) cuts a promo saying he can be pretty and then smiles. He then says he can be not-so-handsome and pulls his hair back to show his scar-laden forehead. Good stuff.
Match #3 – Al Snow vs. Kevin Thorn
Resident jobber Snow again puts a newbie over as he takes the fall after a Razor’s Edge from the vampire. After the match, Thorn and Ariel mash each other. Lucky bastard.
Winner via pinfall: Kevin Thorn
Mr. Promo himself, Kurt Angle, says the only thing homicidal about Sabu is Sabu getting into the ring with him. Intense stuff here, folks.
Rene Dupree is in the back saying he’s about to be the most extreme player in ECW. Right, Rene, right.
Big Show comes to the ring grinning from ear to ear. He grabs the mic and says he's here to add some class to the organization and that there's only one extreme truth and nobody can beat him.
C.M. Punk thanks the fans for last week and says he was welcomed into the ECW family more than his own family. He adds he’ll be back next week for his second match. Well, second match on TV anyway.
Match # 4 – No. 1 Contender’s Match – Sabu vs. Kurt Angle
Like the late, great Gorilla Monsoon used to say, this match is a main event anywhere in the country.
Match goes back and forth for probably a good 10-12 minutes with both guys hitting nice spots in a solid, solid bout.
The end comes when, yep, you guessed it, RVD storms the ring and attacks both wrestlers. Angle has the ankle lock on Sabu when Van Dam nails Angle with a chair and then hits a leg drop with the chair on him. He then runs and dropkicks Sabu, who's down in the corner, with the chair. The show ends with RVD standing over both men.
Winner: No contest I’m assuming
Watching ECW is slowly becoming tedious and more of a letdown. It’s only an hour show, but 30 minutes or so is commercials. Oh well, guess that’s why my first name’s not Vince and my last name’s not McMahon.
Matt Mackinder wants to be unveiled as one of Paul Heyman’s goons. His wife is in agreement with part of it, saying, “You already ARE a goon.” Email Matt at firstname.lastname@example.org.