Flair as ECW champion? Doesn't sound right and thank God it's not reality.
It looked weird seeing Flair in an ECW ring, but nowadays, I concur with Lance Storm, who calls this version of ECW "WWECW."
This week's show, from the Target Center in Minneapolis, opens with a recap of Rob Van Dam losing the ECW championship to the Big Show last week.
Paul Heyman then comes to the ring with two policemen in riot gear. He goes on a rant about how the fans were RVD's downfall and he made sure Van Dam lost to the Big Show to crucify his 10-year friendship with Mr. Money In The Bank to save the fans from their sins. (In jive tone) Say what?!? Heyman then calls himself a martyr and tells the fans he'll be their Messiah and will take them and ECW to the promised land. I don't see where Paul E. is going with this.
In the back, Heyman gets awkward looks from the wrestlers in the locker room and confronts Tommy Dreamer. Heyman tells Dreamer he doesn't have time to explain what's going on
because his match is next. Dreamer looks pissed.
Match # 1 -- Tommy Dreamer vs. Test
Dreamer isn't in wrestling gear, just a red polo shirt, dress pants and running shoes. Test grabs the ropes while Dreamer goes for the Dreamer Driver and pins Dreamer with his feet and hand on the ropes. Nice cheap win for the former Motley Crue bodyguard.
Winner via pinfall: Test
Kelly Kelly and Candice Michelle are in the back and Candice tells Kelly tonight's dance routine will be extreme. Sure, and then Mike Knox will ruin it. Yawn.
The ECW witch, AKA Shelly Martinez, does her tarot card bit and says blood is in the future for ECW. The ECW vampire, the former Mordecai, shows up and blows his red mist/liquid at the camera. This IS Sci-Fi, folks.
Kelly's Exposé Until Mike Knox Gets Jealous is next. Candice and Kelly engage in their schtick and let me say, Candice's hands are all over Kelly. Knox (SURPRISE!) comes out to escort Kelly away, but she pushes her
boyfriend away and tries to go back with Candice. The Sandman is in the entrance way and canes Knox several times in the melon. As Kelly and Candice scamper to the back, Knox crawls on stage and Sandman blasts him off with another cane shot. Can we get Sandman in a match at some point while we're young?
C.M. Punk (can we see him wrestle, too, please?) does another promo and talks about his inked-up body and what the tattoos mean. I still want WWE to acknowledge his role at WrestleMania 22.
Match #2 -- Sabu vs. Justin Credible
Sabu gets himself
disqualified by putting Credible through a table on the floor with a legdrop. Tazz and Joey Styles reiterate this match was not an Extreme Rules match.
What I don't get is that exact point. Shouldn't all ECW matches be under Extreme Rules? Wasn't that how the original ECW was? Vince continues to boggle my mind.
Winner via DQ: Justin Credible
Balls Mahoney cuts a promo calling himself an ECW original. Nice set of chiclets by the way, Balls.
Flair is Mr. Promo next as he plans on becoming a 17-time world champion. He says he never was ECW champ because he never wanted to be ECW champ ... until now. Flair also tells Mick Foley to be a man. The promo almost had me flashing back to Flair's classic NWA promos of 20 years ago. Hey, I said almost.
Shannon Moore is ECW's newest signee and this becomes known in a quick no-talking promo.
Match #3 -- Extreme Rules - ECW Champion The Big Show vs. Ric Flair
Show chops away
at Flair early and a headbutt sends the "Dirtiest Player in the Game" to the floor. Enter commercial break.
Three headbutts split Flair open (what doesn't make Flair juice nowadays?) and after a series of chops in the corner, Flair gets the crowd going with the Flair Flop.
Flair gets some offense with two low blows, a knee to the crotch and a well-placed kick from behind to Show's cash and prizes. Styles calls the kick "the most blatant low blow in wrestling history."
Flair goes to the floor and brings in a garbage can o'goodies. He busts Show open with a barbed
wire baseball bat (though Show blading is very obvious) and continues the onslaught with two trash can shots to the head and three chair shots that knock the champ down onto thumbtacks Flair had dumped in the ring.
That only seems to infuriate Show as he chokeslams the "Nature Boy" and cracks Flair with the Cobra Clutch-back breaker maneuver. Show keeps the Clutch applied and Flair is out.
Winner and still ECW champion: The Big Show
After the match, Show puts Flair back in the Cobra Clutch and hurls him onto the tacks. Flair is helped to the back
and tacks are seen embedded in his left knee and back of his head. Flair's music plays and he's helped to the back as the show concludes.
PROGRAM NOTE: Next week's ECW show starts at 11/10 Central instead of the normal 10/9 Central.
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Though Matt's wife, Stephanie, is becoming a wrestling fan at an alarming rate, she saw the promo for tonight's main event and said, "Oh look. It's the old-ass dude against the big-ass dude." Matt just nodded his head and laughed as only a husband can laugh at his bride. Email Matt at email@example.com if you know the name of the new Exposé dance
music and if your spouse is rapidly learning what Extreme Rules mean.